Dr. Erin Hayford [00:00:02]:
So the big question is, we know spontaneous remissions and so called miracle cures exist. We also know they aren't so spontaneous after all. I'm living proof of this. Having cured my quote unquote incurable illness, there's something to how this happens. So how do we, as humans with chronic symptoms, tap into this so called miraculous healing capacity? That is the question, and this podcast will give you the answers. My name is Doctor Erin Hayford, and welcome to the sacred illness podcast.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:00:36]:
Before we begin today's episode, just my standard medical disclaimer. This podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only. The content should not be considered a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:00:49]:
Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional regarding any medical condition concerns. Hey, everyone, and welcome back to the Sacred Illness podcast. Doctor Aaron here with Orianna. And today we're going to do a sort of a redo of episode one, which is where I introduce the sacred illness paradigm. Since we have more of a following and we just have more, we've kind of continued to build out this process and have had more conversations around it. We wanted to have an episode where we went into it in more depth. And with that depth, I wanted to also weave in my story to explain and show how it came to pass. Essentially how my journey, upon reflection, I saw there were these pillars, these major steps that people that I went through and that I now guide people through, that I think of as, again, pillars or foundational elements of this self healing journey.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:48]:
And so that's the sacred illness paradigm that we've created. And I wanted to, again, go into that in a little bit more depth today. So let's go back to where it all started, which is, of course, childhood for all of us. So I never. I don't talk about childhood a lot for various reasons. I kind of always start my story around age 2021, which is when I got diagnosed with Crohn's. So just to say that out, you know, at the beginning, my. My illness was Crohn's disease, which is an autoimmune condition that can impact the entire GI tract.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:02:21]:
Mine was in my small intestine my whole life. I had stomach issues. So I think of it like my gut was the sensitive part of my body. It was kind of where things would show up if I got sick or if I was nervous or stressed. Like, my stomach was the place where a lot of things would show up. But it was always minor stomachaches, minor, you know, things that, like my mom could take care of, or I could I just had to, like, you know, wait for it to pass. It was never anything significant. I grew up in rural, rural Maine, so a very small town in Maine, 200 people in my high school, 48 in my graduating class.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:02:59]:
Kind of small, probably, you know, have tabs on every single one of them still in some way, shape, or form. And I was the sensitive second child, so I was a very sensitive person, very intuitive and aware of the dynamics of my family, and pretty naturally fell into a caretaker role at an early age. And given my family's dynamics, I did become more of a people pleaser, making sure everyone was happy, making sure everyone's needs were met. And when I got praised for that, it deepened my role and my. My kind of identity. I guess, as you know, my job, my worth is built on how happy and how peaceful my home environment is. And without getting into too much detail, the home environment was not super peaceful and not super happy a lot of the time. And so I took that to mean I was failing in some way, shape, or form.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:03:52]:
So there was just this constant disconnect from myself, disconnect from my needs, from my wants, from my personality, and a focus externally of, you know, on everyone else. Like, what does everyone else need? What do I need to do to make sure they're happy or else I'm failing at my job? Which, again, I felt like I was doing often. And I didn't know this at the time, but a lot of my stomach aches were related to that sort of behavior. Like, when there was a lot of stress in the. In the environment, I would be pushing that down into my gut. This, like, you know, the tension, the stress, the chaos, whatever was happening, I would push that into my gut and kind of suppress it there and to have a more outward focus, to be more aware of the needs of others. So I was leaving my own body, pushing down my own feelings, and it would manifest as a stomach ache, which would be taken care of as a separate issue. And so that was kind of the long story, short version of my childhood was this dynamic that started to build.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:04:56]:
And I've actually been sitting with this dynamic a lot lately because it's been coming up in various ways. It's interesting how there's sort of core layers to a wound, and then you can continue to find little tendrils and ways that it continues to manifest in your life, even if you feel like you've worked through the core of it. And so for me, there's a lot of deep wounding around recognition, feeling not recognized, feeling not seen, and also just feeling a lot of the times, like, detached from myself, not knowing who I am, not knowing what my purpose is, which all comes back to that childhood programming of having to focus outward versus inward, not really having that connection to self. And so those were a lot of the early wounds, again, that I was obviously not aware of. We're not aware of these things as they're happening as kids, but they were laying this foundation for would eventually blossom into an autoimmune condition. And I think about the timing of things a lot. You know, like, why did it happen when it did? Why did it show up at 20, you know, versus, I don't know, 15 or twelve or even 45, you know, why did it happen in my twenties? And at that time in my life, I think, well, I know that there was a lot going on. I had obviously graduated high school.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:06:14]:
I had tried going to college. I had no idea what I wanted to do because, again, I didn't really know who I was. I didn't know what I wanted in life. And so I think I had tried, like, one or two college programs at that point and then dropped out and was back living at home. I was working on a farm. And this is around the time I started getting really sick. Like, I started feeling really terrible, feeling really, you know, more. More intense stomach aches than I've ever had before.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:06:40]:
A lot of, like, trips to the bathroom, lots of bloating. Just couldn't really keep stuff in or down. I started feeling really weak, really debilitated. And I was lost in life. Like, I was trying to figure out who I was. You know, you graduate high school and you're supposed to all of a sudden know, this is my career, and I'm going to go to college, then I'm going to get my job, and I'm going to follow this american dream trajectory, so to speak. And I didn't know what to do because I didn't know who I was. And so I think that was a lot of stuff starting to come up to the surface.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:07:10]:
You know, a lot of these patterns, a lot of these layers of who am I and how do I make choices in the world for myself? I didn't have that capacity. That's one way I think about it. I'm sure there's other ways to explain the timing of it. But regardless, I was working on this farm, and it was a really hot summer day, and I just remember being really weak, really. You know, I was out in the middle of the field planting a cover crop, and I just passed out like, I fell over because I was so depleted, which I now understand was a combination of anemia and also dehydration because my gut was so, you know, not doing a good job of absorbing nutrients, and I was not doing a good job of drinking water because I was a kid. And so, anyway, at that point, I couldn't really deny the fact anymore that I was sick. And that's a big part of my journey, too, was this denial of self suppression of, again, my needs, my wants, my thoughts, my desires, and also just really ignoring my body. Like, completely ignoring when my body felt uncomfortable or when it felt scared or when it felt, I don't know, angry.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:08:17]:
Anything, any, like, really anything, any emotion, any sensation. I was disconnected from it because that was not the priority. The priority was everyone and everything else external to me. And so when I started getting more sick, you know, my body started getting louder and louder and louder. I ignored it, and I didn't tell anyone about it. And I kept working and kept, you know, pretending like everything was fine until that day at the farm. And it's a little hard to deny that there's something wrong when you pass out. You know, when you're 20 something and you pass out, you know, you're not, like, drunk or there's no, like, discernible reason why you should be passing out, except for the fact that you're sick.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:08:59]:
And so that started the cascade of workups, and that was a whole other layer. Being 20 something years old and having to get a colonoscopy and do a barium swallow and have all these tests run, you start to feel sick, like a sick person. I was like, there's something really. And then that started to kind of get to me. Like, there's something really wrong with me. What's wrong with me? Why am I so different? I'm not in college. I'm really sick. I'm getting all these tests done.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:09:26]:
I just felt really, I don't know, othered. I guess I felt really different. And that was reinforcing this pattern or this message of, like, there's something wrong with you, you know, you're a failure. You're not doing something right. All these. All these beliefs that had been building up over the years of my life and kind of culminating in this moment. So I got diagnosed with Crohn's through all those fun workups and tests. And for me, the beginning of my journey into what became.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:09:56]:
How I ended up. Where I ended up was when I asked my doctor, what should I eat? Because this condition impacts my gut. Right. It's my intestines. And I asked him what I should eat, and he said, don't worry about it. Just take your medication. And to me, it felt so what's the opposite of resonant? Not resonant, dissonant. I think it just didn't make sense to me.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:10:21]:
Even though I was just 21 and, you know, I had no experience with alternative medicine or alternative healing modalities at all, I had been raised up in the conventional medical system. And you just did what your doctors told you. I felt like that just didn't make any sense. And to on, you know, to add to it, I was given a few medications to take, lots of supplements to take, and was told, you know, just take your medication every day and you'll be fine. Meanwhile, these medications were heavy hitting anti inflammatories and immune suppressing drugs, which, again, my brain was like, don't I need my immune system? Because, you know, I got this laundry list of, like, infections I would get or how sick I could get because my immune system was being suppressed. And so I saw this world open out and opening in front of me of, like, this is only going to get worse because these medications open you up to other illnesses. You're probably going to have to have surgery. This is incurable.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:11:18]:
You're always going to be managing it. And obviously my head is spinning with this path that's being laid out. As a 21 year old here I was trying to figure out, who am I and what's my career and what's my future? And I'm being told essentially, this is your future. This is what it looks like. And I think, again, because of my, whatever you want to call it, gift capacity to just completely deny myself. I denied the prognosis of my condition. I denied the fact that that would be my future. And in a weird way, that denial ended up being my medicine because even though it was coming from a wounded place that I was denying that this was my future, it was also a deep belief that there was something better.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:12:07]:
Like, there was just no doubt in my mind there was something better, there was a different path. And again, it's sort of, you know, you can look at it either way. Like, it was, it was denial. It was unhealthy to adopt that belief. You were not, you know, facing reality. You were ignoring yourself. You were ignoring your body. But I really feel there was some.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:12:27]:
I mean, you know, I look back on my journey and I really feel like I'm here for a reason in this capacity, you know, like, teaching this. This medicine that I teach, and having gone on the journey that I went on. And so I feel like there was some deep, intuitive pull happening there that was like, no, listen to that intuition. Listen to that voice, that feeling that there has to be something better, that your future does not include medications and surgery. There's something to that.
Oriana Broderick [00:12:55]:
I was just thinking about what you were saying about the medicine through the wound or wounds. I guess I think that that's maybe something to extrapolate on simply because I think we can get into the space that wounds are something that is meant to be taken away or moved away versus moving through them to find the bigger message. So maybe extrapolate more on that portion of it.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:13:23]:
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that. I think that became the essential pillar of this medicine that we now teach. The sacred illness medicine, which is that exactly what you just said, that the wounds are. It's kind of like that. Is it a buddhist quote or philosophy or something where it's like the crack, you know, they fill cracks in pottery with gold, and it becomes this, like, beautiful decoration versus a broken thing you throw away? And I think that's a lot of what we think of and look at in this is that that wound, that. That initial injury is what actually can be this powerful invitation into something bigger and more beautiful.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:14:02]:
But you have to be. I mean, I don't know if you have to be willing to see it that way at first, because I didn't see it that way, certainly. Like, I felt like it was a curse, for sure. You know, I felt like this was a curse. But it's always in retrospect that we can see the gift of something. And so I think if we can start to even consider that wounds or injuries or pain, discomfort, whatever, can be a gift. Like, if we can have that mindset from the start, I think that saves us a lot of trouble as we move through life. If we can start there and say, what is this for? What is this teaching me? What is the purpose of this? Because at least from my own journey, I now see that it all has purpose.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:14:40]:
It all has meaning. It all has a deeper why behind it. And oftentimes, the more painful something is, the bigger the. You know, whatever it's trying to get your attention to look at, the bigger that is.
Oriana Broderick [00:14:53]:
I think that's probably some of the hardest part of this work when you first start, is seeing that your wounds, the things that have happened to you, are the way out. Because I think that oftentimes we can get very attached to that part of our identity, not understanding that it is a programming, a pattern that was given to us versus our actual authentic self. I think when you go through childhood trauma, you don't ever understand your authentic self until you're given a reason to. And it's not always through illness. This is just where we're at with our journeys, is ours came through illness. And it's interesting how for me and you, yours was kind of this beginning part of your life, and mine was like in this middle part of my life where I felt like everything that I did, everything that was given to me growing up, I was able to create success around it in my life. And then this middle part of my life, right before my forties, was, like, so hard for me to even get back to the point of, okay, these wounds. And actually all of this way that I was behaving, although it felt successful at the time, was actually me behaving inauthentically.
Oriana Broderick [00:16:21]:
It was me behaving based off of patterns that were given to me through childhood trauma and family dynamics and then having to switch them. Now, at this time in my life, when for all intensive purposes, it felt like everything was fine. Before, I didn't feel like, you know, I didn't have a lot of significant relationships with my families that felt, you know, hard or anything like that. Everyone was kind of dispersed out away from me, and I rarely saw them. So I didn't have that same aggressive, chaotic dynamic necessarily going on the same way that I did as a child. But even now, looking back on it, I think that's where this particular community and group coaching and the things that we're creating are for people to not have to constantly be looking back, but rather, how can you create something new now for yourself and step into your authentic self? And although it's very uncomfortable, it's very uncomfortable to move from who you thought you were to who you actually are, because there's a lot of layers to that. And so I think that when we can see our wounds as something that is a message that is special, that is divine, that is sacred, it creates that open space for us to move more easily through those layers versus being like, this is who I am, and that's it. Because if we stop there, then I think that whatever it is that we have going on will stay or get worse or whatever will happen.
Oriana Broderick [00:17:58]:
I think everyone is different. So you can't say this is exactly what will happen for you, but it's listening to that portion of us, but not just listening to it, but being able to recognize that, okay, this is actually me, and this isn't actually me. This was something that I had to do to survive. And I think an important message with that is, don't push it away either, because I think we can do that. Okay, this isn't me. I'm going to push it away, and I'm just going to. I think that part of you served a very special and significant purpose, and it needs to be loved, and it needs to be given all of the things that it wasn't given or that you weren't given at that time. Like, you said, that you were given this caretaker role, but it was given to you by yourself in order to survive the environment that you were in.
Oriana Broderick [00:18:49]:
So now, I'm curious, in your life now, do you still feel like that's a big part of who you are, or are you able to disconnect from that when it gets too heavy?
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:19:00]:
Yeah, that's a great question. That's actually something I'm working on currently, is separating this feeling of not enoughness and the ways that that manifests in the world. Because initially, that was as a caretaker, you know, to be enough was to caretake for people and to be everything for everyone. And my goodness, my history, you know, that showed up a lot through relationships, romantic relationships, certainly friendships, but more so romantic relationships. Cause that's where I could just, like, take care of someone to this really unhealthy degree. This one story always comes to mind. My high school boyfriend, and he was. It was summer vacation, and he was, like, working at a gas station.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:19:41]:
And so he had to go in at, like, 05:00 a.m. Or something. And I would get up at 04:00 a.m. Or something and bring him coffee, like, for no reason. There was no reason I needed to. And he would even say that, like, you don't have to do. But I had this just this need to be, like, above and beyond. Like, I'm here.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:19:58]:
I will do everything for you, like, to this, you know, again, really unhealthy degree. And that was around the time I started getting it. Like, that was the end of my high school career when, like, he was graduating and I was a sophomore or a junior, and I was starting to not feel so great around that time. But that was, you know, one of those dynamics that it really showed up through. And then I think it started showing up in, you know, career, like, not taking breaks, working too hard, working too much. That's the one I'm working on right now, is allowing myself to have rest and play. But, yeah, that. That dynamic is, you know, that's, I think, again, the gift of, as you were saying, the wound is you start to find these ways in which you're showing up inauthentically in the world, and you start to change them, essentially, because the more you engage in that behavior, the more you're keeping those wounds alive, the more you're telling your nervous system that threat is still present.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:20:49]:
I'm still not enough. I'm still not lovable. My needs still don't matter. And we. It's like this efforting. We're putting so much energy and effort into this dynamic that ultimately does not serve us at all. And for myself, and I think for a lot of us, it also doesn't really serve anyone else, you know, because I would almost, you know, not in a purposefully deceitful way, but I would. I would portray myself in a certain way, to be loved, to be, you know, be like, I'm enough.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:21:16]:
I will do anything you want.
Oriana Broderick [00:21:17]:
Right.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:21:18]:
And it wasn't my authentic self who was showing up. And eventually the relationships would always dissolve because I was showing up in a way I thought that they wanted me to. And then inevitably, I would get resentful at some point because I felt so invisible and so, like, my needs were not being met, you know, inevitably. And then, you know, they would be like, well, this isn't who you were, you know, like, this isn't who I thought I was dating. And then, you know, it would inevitably fall apart in a messy way. And actually, that. That is what pivoted me into uncovering my childhood trauma, which I'll get to in 1 second. But I.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:21:52]:
The one thing I really want to say about this particular kind of topic. Topic we're talking about is this is really step one of the sacred illness journey is this paradigm shift of recognizing that your symptoms, your illness is here for a reason. You mentioned your age when your symptoms are showing up in mind. And again, I think there's a really something about the timing of things. And that's one of the things I like to talk to when I work one on one with people. Like, what was going on in your life, what was happening around the time where symptoms started coming out. And oftentimes we can start to see patterns of how maybe things were trying to get your attention leading up to it. Sometimes not sometimes it's just like, you know, things come to a head where it's just so many years of living a certain way, living in a pattern that's just not conducive to health, you know, that eventually the bites, like the straw that breaks the camel's back, and something can happen.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:22:47]:
There can be an event or a big stressor, and then suddenly your, you know, your body's like, okay, I can't anymore. Here you go. You know, you need to tune in. Here's your symptom. And that's what we think of illness. That's why we call it sacred illness, because it's this sacred. It's like this gift, you know, from whatever you want to believe. You know, my.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:23:04]:
I have pretty strong spiritual beliefs around this work, and I believe that, you know, everything in life is always trying to get us to be who we are, to get us back to that authentic self. And sometimes the trials and tribulations we go through, like you said, are part of that journey. You know, it's something. It's almost like the. The hero's journey, right, where you have to go away from home in order to come back to it, in order to really appreciate what that home is and who that home is and what it represents. And so not to say that any of us deserved or, like, caused our traumas to happen because we didn't, you know, this is. That's not the reality of things, but the reality is, is that we, when we experience trauma, they take us away from ourselves with the traumatic events, separate us from who we really are because we have to learn how to survive. And that journey back to self is the healing journey.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:23:54]:
That's, you know, that's where all that medicine lives. And I think it's, you know, it's those cliches of, like, you have to know darkness in order to appreciate the light. You know, life is complex. It's not sunshine and rainbows, like, twenty four seven. And I don't know that we would want it to be. You know, we have to go through these hard times. And I wish that some of the traumas that we experienced just didn't exist because obviously there's a gamut of. Of what trauma can mean, and some of them aren't obviously horrific.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:24:23]:
And I think at the same time, regardless of our traumatic experiences, they can be these sacred portals to really going into these depths of humanity and coming to this place of home and safety within ourselves that we wouldn't know and appreciate otherwise. And I think that also is the medicine that lies within all of us. Like, as we go on these journeys and go through this darkness and feel, face these pains and these things that we hold in our bodies, we become these, like, really beautiful, awakened beings, you know, for lack of a better way to say that, where we can see, yeah, I went through hell and I came out of it, and this is how you do it. You know, we can become guides, you know, bringing people, kind of ferrying them across, whether we do this kind of work that we do or just in the way we show up in our lives, you know, the way that we hold ourselves and the kind of vision we hold or understanding we hold. So, again, step one of the sacred illness journey is this paradigm shift. Like illness is for you. It's here for a reason. The timing is happening for a reason.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:25:25]:
And so it doesn't matter if you're four or 40 or 75, anywhere you are on this journey, there's a sacred invitation that's being handed over to you. And so that's where we invite people to come onto this journey with us to figure out what that's all about.
Oriana Broderick [00:25:41]:
Something to reinforce in that space is when you're saying. When we're saying that this is for you, that this is not diluting or diminishing the things that you went through. I think that I see that a lot in people, and that's a place where we can get stuck, is that somehow, by saying that this is for you and this is something that you can change, is somehow diminishing those traumas that you went through, somehow diminishing the darkness that you've gone through. And it's actually not. It's actually us trying to give you your power back. Because that's really what happens when we go through traumas in childhood, in adulthood, is something or someone else has taken power from us, and it wasn't okay, and it's not okay, and you didn't deserve it. But now, how can you take that back so that you can be who you are supposed to be in this world? Because who you're supposed to be in this world isn't that. It's not this trauma.
Oriana Broderick [00:26:42]:
That's not who you are. That's not the way that you're supposed to live your life. It is. And if it makes you angry, that's another thing, too, is I know a lot of people get very defensive with this portion of the work. Like, we get to this place, and then there's this defensive mechanism that comes out, and that in itself, that defense, that anger of, no, this happened to me, and you have to listen. That is medicine as well. So none of this work has ever diminishing or diluting what you've been through. And I think that's so important for, for me to reinforce, because it's something that I see often, and it's something that I see often in other work where it does feel diminishing and it does feel diluting of your experience.
Oriana Broderick [00:27:25]:
And what we really want to do through this journey is to hear, see and love that experience to a place of I have a choice now, and I can choose something different and I can be who I want to be. Not necessarily even in spite, but sort of in spite of that. It doesn't make any difference that I went through it. Sometimes the harder and the darker and, you know, the bigger the hole is that you're in, the more significant that light is when you come out. I heard something once, and I'm probably going to totally watch it, but it's like a slingshot. So the slingshot pulls you back into that darkness, and the further it pulls you back into the darkness, the further forward into the light that you're going to go. And so that's where this program and this coaching and this podcast and everything that we talk about is what we're really trying to do is to project you into that authentic light portion of who you are. And that darkness is how we have to get through it.
Oriana Broderick [00:28:28]:
And to get through it, we need somebody there to just. Sometimes it's just to hold the light and to be like, we're here, we got you, we're moving, you know, we're going to keep moving. And unfortunately, the hardest part is that ultimately it ends up being the patient, the person that we're working with that has to navigate that darkness. But we just want to hold the light for you. And so whatever that process is, there's these very foundational pillars that we're talking about today. But there is a very unique process that each of us go through. And so I think the next piece that we can even talk about, that I think will play into the story that you're getting ready to tell on how you found out about your trauma is to not get stuck in those dark places, but to allow it to product you further, to open up the space for you.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:29:19]:
We all know how to survive life pretty well, like through a lot of crap. You know, we deal. We just. Cause I think a lot of us learn to just accept that life is supposed to be a certain way, you know, depending on the experiences we had. And, you know, like you said in your own story, like, you found ways to survive which felt good. And in retrospect, you now see them as like survival patterns, right? And you. But you never would have, like, classified it in that way before. So we just find ways to get through life.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:29:46]:
We find ways to survive. We, you know, sustain these coping mechanisms we learned in childhood as, like, the way life is. And again, there's this thing that can happen where eventually we can just get to this rock bottom or kind of that dark night of the soul moment of just things falling apart and kind of the facade falls or the veil falls or whatever you want to call it, where you come face to face with, this isn't working. I'm not happy. Or what's going on in my. Why are all of these things? I'm trying so hard. I'm putting my best foot forward, for all intents and purposes, doing all the right things or whatever, you know, whatever it can be. And then there's this, like, crash and burn that happens.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:30:27]:
That is often the pivotal moment for people. And disease, illness diagnoses is certainly one of those potential places for me personally. I. So I was diagnosed at 21. I started my journey through medicine, started studying nutrition and herbs, and eventually got to finding out about naturopathic medicine. I didn't even know it existed until I started studying herbs. And, you know, you get into the alternative medicine world, and you start learning about all these different things. So I found out about naturopathic medicine, and, you know, I think one of my coping mechanisms is just to keep learning and keep doing, you know, keep, like, acquiring stuff rather than, like, it was this very, like, outward focus versus inward focus.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:31:12]:
But I was just acquiring tons of information in search of what's going to heal my body. And I was, you know, trying nutrition, I was trying herbs. I was trying all these different things as I moved through these programs. And some helped, some didn't, but nothing helped 100%. So there was this constant feeling of like I was missing something. And in the herbal medicine program, I met someone, and we had, like, a fast and furious relationship. We were together for a year, got married, and then got divorced. And that relationship was, you know, it just followed that kind of predictable, predictable pattern that I mentioned before where I would, you know, be who I thought I needed to be, and then got resentful.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:31:52]:
And it just. There was something very medicinal about that relationship. You know, I feel like we met for a reason. And, you know, I hope he feels the same, because I certainly, like, it got me to a place of where everything started to change for me. When you're 26 years old and going through a divorce, you know, for myself, there was a question of, like, okay, what's up? You know, like, I thought I was going to have kids with him next year. We had this whole future planned out once I graduated medical school. And then here I am getting mailing in divorce papers to the county to whatever. So it was this major again, kind of like my diagnosis.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:32:28]:
It was this point where I had to face this future that was suddenly different from what I thought. And in this case, it was, you know, I thought I was doing the right thing. I was following the trajectory you're supposed to follow. I was going to college finally. Finally getting degrees, finally, you know, married, like all these things that my, my, a lot of my friends had already done or were doing or whatever. And then it all fell apart again. And so I, you know, I feel like it was just this other, this other invitation that I had. And so I started doing therapy, specifically doing EMDR.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:33:03]:
And I don't even know how or why I specifically chose that modality. Um, but I think whatever, you know, it just, it was the modality I ended up doing, which is a trauma based modality, you know, helps you get into subconscious beliefs and stories and things that are, you know, deeper in your psyche. It wasn't just talk therapy, which I had done many times already throughout my life for various reasons. But talk therapy was to me like a venting session. You know, it was like, oh, my, my friend did this, or my boyfriend did this, or this happened or whatever, which was helpful to be validated and heard, but this was a whole other level. Literally, it was going from my conscious into my subconscious. And that is the moment that I discovered that I had childhood trauma. And the layers that came off in those sessions were unbelievable, the things I learned about myself.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:33:53]:
And so that was that initiation into this different way of thinking about illness. This became the next step is understanding that mind body connection, understanding how thoughts, trauma, you know, this programming that we receive in childhood makes a difference. And you and I were talking before, we hit record today about that book, the biology of belief. And there's, you know, we, we have for so many, many decades have believed that health is a product of genetics. It's sort of this, like, roll of the dice, like, whoever you're born to, whatever their genetic code says, like, that's your destiny. But we now, you know, this book was written in, like, probably around that time, like early two thousands, and we still haven't fully gotten to this place yet, which I'm like, what? What's it gonna take? But, you know, he talks about how our genetic code is not what they say, scientifically self emergent like it cannot turn itself on. So it's not just this thing that has, it's not coded to be like, when you're 21, you will get crowned. Like that's.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:34:56]:
There's nothing in the code that tells it when to turn on or if to turn on. Something in the environment has to trigger it. And so with my mind body work, I started to realize there was again this like perfect storm that happened when the crohn's came on and when these other things happened in my life that turned on certain aspects in my physical health. And they all had to do with that programming, with those childhood beliefs.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:35:25]:
Hi everyone, Doctor Aaron here. So by now you're starting to get an idea of some of what the sacred illness paradigm is all about. The sacred illness paradigm is all about this question of what is your illness inviting you to become. What is it that lies within each of us that allows some of us to acquire so called spontaneous healing or remissions? And what is the key to unlocking that innate self healing capacity in each and every one of us?
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:35:52]:
The sacred illness.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:35:53]:
This blueprint is something that I developed as a guide to help you walk.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:35:57]:
Through this process step by step to.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:35:59]:
Learn how to move deeper and deeper within yourself, to find these layers of dysregulation, of trauma, of limiting beliefs of things that you're holding within your system that are keeping you small, stuck and sick. Ultimately, if we ignore the mind body connection and are not exploring the ways in which our nervous system continues to be dysregulated or in a chronic state of activation and stress, any healing modality that we put into our body from the outside in is going to be less effective, if not effective at all.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:36:28]:
So if you are currently feeling stuck.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:36:30]:
Lost, confused or disillusioned in your healing journey, feeling like you have tried so many things, you have tried so many modalities, you have worked with so many providers, and you're just not seeing the results you want, know that this is normal. And of course you're not, because this foundational mind body connection is often, if not always, missed in all of these modalities. And just like we can't build a house on top of sand, our healing cannot grow and blossom and be strong and successful if the foundation is not laid first. So rather than doing something different, but similar to everything you have tried before and expecting different results, I encourage you to consider doing some something different altogether. This is where I invite you to explore the sacred illness group coaching program. This is a low cost monthly membership option that I have created. It's constantly open, constantly enrolling where you can begin to explore this completely different way of engaging in your health, in your body, in your illness, and in your healing process. What is provided inside this group coaching.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:37:31]:
Program is the blueprint that lays the.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:37:33]:
Foundation and lays the path out for.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:37:34]:
You to follow, to begin to with.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:37:36]:
Explore these deeper aspects of health, to truly get at the root of what is causing your illness and from there, allowing all other modalities to blossom so.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:37:44]:
That you can actually start to see.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:37:45]:
The changes and the healing take place in your body that you have been expecting and wanting all along. If you're ready and want to learn more, head on over to aurorasomatic.com and at the top of the screen, click on group coaching where you can read all about it and become a member. Today, I can't wait to see you on the inside. And for now, let's get back to the podcast.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:38:10]:
So that was that. That was that next turning point in my journey. And again, it's kind of the next big pillar in our, in our work is understanding these layers that again, get piled on top of your authentic self. So you're born, you know, aside from childhood trauma that happens in utero, right? We're born as close to that authentic being as we could be, that nature part of us. And then how we're nurtured starts to add these layers on that are separating us from our core authentic self. So again, in my example, becoming a people pleaser, becoming who people want, who I thought they wanted me to be, or who I needed to be to survive. Those were not necessarily authentic layers of who I was or who I am, but they were things I needed to do to survive. And so these layers get added on one after another that take you further and further away from yourself.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:39:04]:
And we think of that outermost layer of the onion as personality. You know, it's kind of this outward projected self. It's the person that people would identify you as, it's the person you might identify as. It's just how you show up in the world. It's the sum total of all these layers that you have accumulated throughout your life. And when you start to peel them back, that's the work. Again, the healing work is to start to pull these layers back. And those wounds, those triggers, those illnesses, those divorces are the invitation to say, what's up? Why is this happening? Why is my life moving in this direction? And so every single one of those challenges is in some way, shape or form, pulling at one of those layers and inviting you to peel it, or multiple layers, inviting you to start peeling it back.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:39:54]:
So that's the next part of the journey, is once you identify that this is for you and this is here to invite you back to yourself, it's like, okay, so what are the layers? And that's where we start that work of really getting into that childhood programming and starting to peel back the layers and understanding what needs were not met in childhood and who you really were as a kid and what you really needed and what that really looks like. And on a scientific level, this is, you know, this is neural reprogramming. We're working with the subconscious mind. We're getting into those subconscious beliefs and programs, and we're working to reprogram them, which we now understand is possible, not only possible, but necessary in order for your nervous system to shift from that place of survival and holding on to all these survival patterns, which is not a place where healing can take place, and instead shifting into a place of, you know, of health and wellness and groundedness and authenticity, which is where healing can take place. I, through doing the mind body work, through doing EMDR, my symptoms started to fall away. And it was after I graduated medical school and continued to do some work that I. It's around that age that I say that my condition went completely into remission. Cause I don't have those symptoms anymore.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:41:08]:
For all intents and purposes, my crohn's disease does not. I don't identify with that anymore. That's not part of my life anymore. I just have these moments or these things that can remind me to. That I'm human. And, you know, if I have a symptom or if I feel uncomfortable, if I get a stomach ache, it's this kind of reminder or invitation to tune in, which I do. And so that's something that we get to in the next part of the journey where we. Okay, so we.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:41:34]:
Step one, we accept the invitation of illness. Step two, we start peeling back these layers and finding the ways we're not showing up authentically in our lives and try to figure out, like, what is that? Where did it come from? And how do I reprogram it and essentially release it? All of that is well and good for a while. Like, I think we can get through some layers pretty quickly, and people start to notice, like, we've seen this in the work we've done, where people can move through these initial layers pretty easily, I would say, or pretty quickly. But then we all get to this place that we call the goodness threshold. In this work, which is where fear starts to come into play. Like, things start to get too good. You know, we start to feel better. We start to feel more like ourselves.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:42:17]:
We start to feel more confident, more expressive, more whatever. And then we've never gone past that before, right? So we've, like, maybe we don't know what the other side is. We don't know. Like, this can't keep going. We maybe have in our history this experience of, you know, the. At some point, the shoe always drops. Good things don't last. Something bad always happens when things start to go good, like, whatever that programming is.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:42:41]:
So many of us have that kind of programming. Or it's just plain fear of, you know, what. Who am I becoming? What if I let go of all these patterns? What if no one loves me anymore? When we start to shed these layers, we're essentially shedding armor, things that have protected us and served us our entire lives. And this is a really pivotal moment. And it can happen. It does happen multiple times. It's not just like a one and done thing. It can happen, especially as we get into these deeper patterns where we have this choice point of, do I go further into this work, or do I go back to the way things were? So something that we were talking about before we hit record was we can start to, like, this is a place where we also start to get challenged in what we're doing to maintain our health.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:43:26]:
So, like, we might be, you know, adhering to a certain diet or a certain exercise regimen or a certain whatever it is, some treatment modality that we've identified as, like, this is the thing I have to do in order to feel better. But when we start to work with this mind body connection, we're coming up against this reality of, you know, I'm extrapolating or I'm giving my power to external sources. You know, I'm. I'm not. I'm not grounded in myself. I'm not listening to my body. And we can start to feel like some of the treatment modalities we're doing are incongruent. Like, I want to move forward, but this thing is keeping me stuck and saying, you know, I have to do this in order to be healthy, or I have to believe this or I have to align with this.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:44:04]:
This truth in order to be healthy, and we start to feel this kind of, like, tug of war happen.
Oriana Broderick [00:44:10]:
My mom was really sick later on. Well, she was really sick my whole life. But later on in life, in my teens, before she passed away, when I was 21. It was really bad. And I. And she was in her forties. She passed when she was 45. And so I did everything in my life based off of programming from my other family members not to be like my mom.
Oriana Broderick [00:44:34]:
So there was this very regimented, like, make sure you exercise, make sure you eat right, make sure you. You know, and so I did all of these things, and then the same things, the same patterns started to come out when I started to have symptoms of, I have to now have an even stricter diet, and I have to do, you know, and I have to make sure that it's this way. And in the past, it might have helped for a little while, but for me, and that time, my body was, like, telling me, enough is enough. Like, we cannot live like this. This is absolutely not the direction that, like, they were saying, this is not the message I'm giving you. I'm not giving you the message of try harder and do better. And, you know, all of those messages that were given to me, you're not enough. You're not worthy, you're not lovable.
Oriana Broderick [00:45:22]:
All of those things were coming through by having a really strict diet by. And then one of my symptoms was, like, fatigue, like, very, very extreme fatigue. And so I couldn't do the exercises that I was doing before. I mean, I was riding bikes, endurance miles, you know, from 50 to 100 miles on a fairly regular basis, and I couldn't do any of that. I could barely walk five minutes without getting winded and feeling like I was going to puke. And so my body was. The message was, you have to stop. You have to stop.
Oriana Broderick [00:45:57]:
You have to rest. You have to reflect on this way that you're living your life. And even now, as those fatigue symptoms start to diminish a little bit, I am still reflecting on what feels good to my body as far as movement, what feels good to my body as far as nutrition. And it's hard because there are a lot of very deep rooted things, like sugar is a really deep rooted thing in my world. I worked in a naturopathic clinic for a long time. My pattern of fear is deep. My dad's motto in life was to prepare for the worst. So anything better than that was okay.
Oriana Broderick [00:46:43]:
And so my neural pathways are to constantly be scanning for the worst possible scenario. And so that creates this goodness threshold that is super small in this tiny little box, because my brain is always like, well, what if? Well, what if? Well, what if? And so it does the same thing with foods, it does the same thing with movement, and it's like I was given this message to slow down and calm down. And even now, to come out of that is to be more mindful and to be more intentional with my food and my eating, but also to not be in that fear place with it, because it's easy. I can see, I can feel myself going right back into that pattern. Well, you know, sugar is poison, and it causes cancer and whatever, all the things that people tell you, right? And so it kind of goes back to that genetic piece. If our bodies are wired to keep us alive, why would our genes then turn on to do the opposite of that? I mean, genetically, we should be also wired to survive and have children and, you know, just like, like animals, like other beings do the same thing. And so it's, to me, for me, my specific message is that fear, that fear turns into stress that then releases all of those things physiologically in my body that then create all these physical symptoms. And so it's starting from that place.
Oriana Broderick [00:48:15]:
And that place is a significant, deep rooted fear from a very, very, very young age. I mean, I can remember being very young, being told those things and it being a lot of things, just being tied to being afraid. And I didn't see that growing up because to me, the people in my life that were giving that message were the only people in my life that weren't afraid. But it was actually the opposite of that. And so breaking down those things can be very difficult. And I think that's a place that is easy to get stuck because we, it's hard to move beyond that. It's hard to break through that goodness threshold and open it up a little bit bigger for us and to kind of go back to what you were saying about trauma, I think there's little pings in our lives that ask us to do the work before it gets really big. I think you said that, too, that as you look back, there's probably things going on in your life that were little things that we're showing you, you know, having a stomachache a lot in your life as a little girl, that there was something that your body was trying to tell you.
Oriana Broderick [00:49:25]:
Obviously, it was hard, probably harder to listen then, because there's too much other outside stuff going on. And so I think those little pings that get you to whatever the next thing is that each one of those things is going to make is going to open up space that's going to make it a little harder. So I guess with what you're saying in this third sort of foundational piece of this, how do you move beyond that next piece? So as it gets harder, how do you say, okay, I know that beyond this, there is the change. There is the next thing that's going to open up more space and open up more space. And till you get to the point where your symptoms are fading away or whatever it is that you're looking for through this work.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:50:12]:
Absolutely. Yeah. That's a great question. And that's something I've been sitting with a lot lately because it is the point where so many people fall off the work, you know, and that can be really obvious or it can be subtle, like, oh, I'm really busy all of a sudden. Are my work schedules not, you know, we can have these ways where we self sabotage that are subtle or, like I said, really obvious, like, through this. Like, this sucks. I'm not, you know, like, I don't want to do this anymore. Like, we've certainly seen the gamut of responses when people get to this point in the journey.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:50:41]:
Something that I have learned recently, and this comes from Lacey Phillips. She does a lot of really profound work on subconscious reprogramming and that sort of thing. She's an amazing human. She talks about this idea of expanders, which essentially are human beings who are where you want to go and people who have accomplished what you want to accomplish. And the reason that is so important is because our nervous system hates the unknowns. Because our nervous system's one primary goal is to keep us alive, as you were saying. And so it will do what it thinks is best based on programming to keep us alive. And so the part of that is to avoid the unknown because the nervous is, it's, you know, it's like jumping off a cliff versus walking down a path.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:51:26]:
You know, that is that you can see the dirt, right? Like, obviously, your nervous system is like, well, let's take the path because you know that you're not going to, like, fall into a pit of alligators. Who knows what's over this cliff. Cliff. But that path might be the thing you've walked a million times that doesn't serve you. You know, it's that path where you're in that not great relationship or that unfulfilling job or where you don't think that you're enough. And, you know, but that path, you at least know the steps. You know where, you know where it goes, you know who's on it. You know how you show up in that, on that path.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:51:57]:
So the nervous system really likes that. The cliff maybe promises to be something very different. And very healing, but you have no idea what it's like. You've never experienced it before. You have never been there. There at some point, right? Like that. That's that threshold we're talking about. And so in order to really be successful at getting across that threshold, we have to see, to believe.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:52:18]:
We have to be able to see someone else has done this. This is not only doable, but it leads to the things that I want, like this person. Maybe the path is a little different because everyone's journey is different, but like, they have a pretty similar life as mine, or they came from a similar background, or they had a similar disease or diagnosis or whatever, and they did this, they got to this other side. And honestly, that's a big motivation for this particular podcast, is to share my story and say, I did this path, I was diagnosed with this incurable illness, and now I don't have it anymore. So this is in some way, shape or form trying to be that expander, that person for someone else who can see now, okay, someone else did it. And there's a whole layer of stuff that can come up in response to that, right? Like, well, they can do it because they had x, y, z thing or I'm not good enough, or. But that just provides more work for us to, or more layers for us to work through, you know, like why we feel like they can have it, but we can't. But regardless of any of that, we really need to have those people, that community of humans who are on the other side, who got there, who know that you can get there and that are inspiring and showing your nervous system that it's possible, but it's also possible to be that person for yourself.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:53:36]:
You can hold that vision for yourself. And this is where beliefs, again, play a really critical role because I essentially was that for myself. I had that strong belief of, I'm going to heal my. I mean, I never had the conscious thought of like, I'm going to heal my illness, but there was the embodied knowing that this was not my life, you know? So I guess if I really had ever sat and thought about it, I would have said like, yeah, I'm not going to be sick. Like, I don't believe that. And I don't. Again, I don't know where that comes from, but all I can say is I feel like it was just. It's because I'm supposed to be doing this work and guiding people on the same path.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:54:11]:
And that's why I had that. Not everyone has that, and that's okay, not everyone is supposed to, but we can be that person for ourselves if our belief and our conviction is strong enough and we have whatever that is to get through to the other side to keep going. And for those of us who don't, which again is most of us, and that's normal and expected, having that person that, that like, you know, that seeing to believe experience is really important. And this is also where the medical folks, our care team can really make or break this process for us as well. Because is a lot of going back to what you were saying about nutrition and working at that clinic, right? Like so many doctors are so dogmatic and so like this is why you're sick and you can never have this again or you will never get better or this is always going to be a problem for you. And because of the relationship we have with doctors, with medical providers, you know, there's this hierarchy that can exist. We take that really seriously, that can make or break that nervous system programming and belief that we can get better. If a doctor is saying you're never going to get better, this is always going to be a problem for you, that actually adds more layers we have to work through versus helps us get closer to healing.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:55:34]:
That's why I always say we've talked about this a lot. Just thinking of medical providers as tools, not in the insult way. You're a tool, something to be utilized. Like you can help me get to a certain place. Like you can provide me with a certain treatment or a modality or thing or whatever. Like you can, you know, they can provide stuff for us that infuse us with hope and healing and move us in a certain direction because we said this many times, you know, we, there's many ways to feel better, there's many ways to support our body and our health depending on what's going on. And so oftentimes we need doctors to give us that thing to provide us with that service or whatever so we can from an empowered place utilize these tools to feel better, to move in a certain direction. But we really have to have that like strong like mindset boundary, whatever it is to say, like that might seem true for your patients that you work with where like they have this food allergy and they just can never eat this entire category of food ever again.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:56:40]:
But I'm not going to hold that truth from my body. I'm going to feel into what's true for my body and for what's true for me. And you know, like we, we do work with intuitive eating and that can heal. So much of those dynamics just by changing your relationship with food. But I guess the point is to be really mindful of what messages you're getting, because we get programmed still as. As adults, you know, by the things we hear, the things we see in the news, like the medical information coming out, whatever. All of those things can influence our healing journey. And so we have to take everything with a grain of salt and have, again, that really grounded, firm belief in our capacity to heal and our capacity to carve out our unique healing journey and our unique, like, combination of things that help us feel healthy without getting into those dogmatic, like, black or white ways of thinking about things.
Oriana Broderick [00:57:32]:
And. Yeah, and I wanted to add something here, because I was thinking about this as you were talking is on this podcast, or really, nowhere have I actually expressed having a diagnosis, because that was something that I chose very early on when I started my journey, is that I didn't want to identify with that. And so I sort of, the way that I'm utilizing the medical tools is that is very mindful. It's very intentional. These are my symptoms. This is what is going on. And I would try certain things on my own, and if it didn't work, then, you know, I would go a different route, like, just for sake of example. So I'm not talking in circles, like, for anemia.
Oriana Broderick [00:58:24]:
My anemia was so severe that I ended up having to get infusions. As much as I tried to use oral iron, it just. My body wasn't absorbing it. Going back to what we were talking about, with wounds being an opportunity for a message, and the way to move through this is I had a very significant wound of fear. And so that fear came into play when it came to getting a diagnosis. For all of the symptoms that I had, I didn't want to do that, for the simple fact of I watched all of that play out in my life with the women in my family, they would get a diagnosis, and then that was their identity going forward, and then they would get another diagnosis, and that was their identity going forward. You know, my grandma had colitis, ulcers, and they did a colonoscopy, and they ruptured one of her intestines because it was so inflamed, and so she had to have it removed. And I remember that I was probably five or six years old when that happened.
Oriana Broderick [00:59:24]:
And I remember that as such a big part of my life, because going forward from there, everything revolved around where she had to eat a certain way, and we had to wait a certain amount of time. And so everything, everywhere we went, if we went out to eat, we had to wait for my grandma to eat because she had to eat slower than everybody else. And it just became such a big part of her life. And then those things only got worse because she was on tons of medications and then she started having heart problems, and it just kept being like all these things piled on top of each other. And I watched her not be the woman that I knew growing up. You know, she. She was active and she was out and she was doing things. And then that diagnosis completely took that away from her, and it only went downhill from there.
Oriana Broderick [01:00:10]:
And the same thing happened with my mom. And so to me, I didn't want that stamp at all, and I still don't to this day. I don't want a specific diagnosis because of that programming, because I don't know if I am strong enough. I think I am now. But then when this all started to happen, I don't think I was strong enough to say, no, this is not going to be my life. This is not going to be who I am.
Dr. Erin Hayford [01:00:38]:
I often will say about my own journey, like, I accepted the diagnosis, which is essentially just a word that describes a physiological process happening in your body. You know, like anemia. You don't have enough red blood cells, usually because of iron deficiency, Crohn's disease, autoimmune condition. Your immune system is attacking your gut in some way, shape or form. You know, it's this word that describes a thing. But I think where a lot of us get stuck is the prognosis we're handed, which is usually a one size fits all. Like, for me, it was. You have Crohn's.
Dr. Erin Hayford [01:01:07]:
It's incurable. It means this. You're going to have surgery, you're going to have your bowel removed. Like, you know, that was kind of my. My thing. And we're all, everyone who gets that diagnosis gets the same prognosis because that's kind of the algorithm of conventional medicine. And I think that plays such a huge role, again, as we're saying, into then, like, how you, like, you know, what happens to you. And we see that happen in research where people who are, you know, like in cancer studies, this is where we see this the most.
Dr. Erin Hayford [01:01:32]:
Like when they're given a prognosis of two months to live and they believe it, you know, oftentimes that comes to pass and sometimes they deny it for whatever reason, or they don't believe it, or they don't accept it for themselves and they find other ways and they live six more years or they don't ever succumb to the illness or whatever. And of course, that doesn't happen every time. There's always, you know, there's life is variable and messy and beautiful and all the things, but. But I think there's something really important about that. And even, like you're saying, too, like, a diagnosis can be helpful or it can be hurtful, and you have to know who you are in that scenario to, like, either take it on as like, okay, this is physiologically what's going on in my body. Are there things I need to do physically to support myself while I do this other work? Or is this diagnosis becoming an identity, so much so that it's creating a block in my own progress forward? And if so, like I say a lot with people I work with, everything is information, no matter how you respond to your diagnosis, to the prognosis, to whatever that is, information. So if you take on this fear response of, oh, my God, this is my identity, and it's going to define my life and it's creating all these roadblocks, there's something in that for you. Again, pain, fear, discomfort, everything here is an invitation for you to explore a deeper level of yourself.
Dr. Erin Hayford [01:02:51]:
And I think that's ideally I was thinking about this overarching goal of this sacred illness paradigm is if we think about if all of us came into this world with this belief or this understanding that things that hurt our information, and it's for us to find a deeper place within ourselves or to correct a path that's going off kilter or to get away from something that's not good for us, instead of finding ways to immediately cover it up or ignore it or to shut it up or whatever we do when things hurt, we usually just want to get rid of it, because that's our conditioning as a society. If we instead start to make space for all of the things, all of the spectrum of life and human emotions and experiences, and specifically start to see pain and discomfort as this opportunity to go into deeper levels of good things, deeper levels of joy and health and happiness, if we are willing to get through that dark underbelly of the beast, that really dark, shadowy place of this journey where all that fear comes up, that would be such a transitional, transformational mindset shift for all of us. And I do think it's happening. And I feel like there's so many paradigm shifts happening in the world right now at the time of this recording. And so it does feel like, in general, people are starting to wake up and see how things are broken and how we have to, through that brokenness, find the real truth and connection and joy and beauty of being human. And illness is one of those really beautiful opportunities, you know, just like any other, just any other painful moment. And so again, if we can start to change that perspective sooner, then maybe disease doesn't even have to happen. You know, maybe our bodies don't have to get that loud or that off track to get our attention, to tune in and see, well, why? Why my, you know, why is my immune system suddenly turning on me? You know, at the age of 21, what's going on? Or why is all of a sudden, am I not making enough iron or absorbing enough iron at the age of 40, what's happening in my body that's preventing that? And so, as you said beautifully, it's not about, there's not one path.
Dr. Erin Hayford [01:04:57]:
There's not one way to be healthy, to be human, to thrive in this world. There's so much goodness in medicine across all spectrums. And I think it's dogma that gets us in trouble, because ultimately, dogma, there's some fear, you know, involved in one way, shape or form. Like, this is the only path I can walk. And inevitably, if we're walking a strict path, we're ignoring. We're ignoring the complexity and the uniqueness that is us, because dogma is a one size fits all. No matter what you're following, it's saying, this is the only path, and this is the only way. And there's just no such thing for any of us, right? There's no such thing for any of us.
Dr. Erin Hayford [01:05:33]:
Just like the prognosis for every condition is different. That, like, idea that it's always going to be this way is just not true. There's no path. There's no prognosis. There's no, like, inevitability of anything in this life. We get to choose when we start to change that lens and take our power back and be embodied and listen to what's going on in ourselves. And so it's pulling in all these pieces and taking advantage of, like, modern medicine and historical, you know, more old school medicine practices and, you know, listening to your body and all of the things that are like, why not? Why not take advantage of everything that's there? But the central focal point is always, you are the one choosing. It feels good in your body.
Dr. Erin Hayford [01:06:17]:
It resonates with you. It's not based in fear. It's not based in limitation. It's not restrictive because anything that keeps you in a fear mindset is going to keep you sick. That's bar none. Like, that's, there's no way around that. When you are in a place of fear and survival, your nervous system is shifted into a place where healing cannot take place. So it's this really almost like, I don't know, ironic if that's the right word.
Dr. Erin Hayford [01:06:40]:
I feel like I never know how to use that word correctly, but it's this thing that happens where if we're engaging in a modality out of fear, like, I have to do this or else I'm never going to feel better. Like, our body literally can't even do anything with it because our body is in this state of survival and it's going to keep our systems offline and not functioning appropriately and not absorbing what it needs to absorb. So it becomes this really vicious, self fulfilling prophecy of like, yeah, I'm never going to get better. And this is medication is the only thing that gives me any semblance of a normal life or whatever. So, um, so that is like, that's part three, the pillar three of this journey. It is the hardest one by far to get through that fear pillar. And really the like, kind of, once you get through it, you know, you see people who've gotten through it. You work with those limiting beliefs that live in you that say you can't have it or you can't get there.
Dr. Erin Hayford [01:07:32]:
And you, you start to get there, you start to see that other side and then eventually do get there. Then really it's this, like, you know, again, if, if seeing to believe is so necessary for the nervous system, you get through that cycle, once it starts to speed up from there, I feel like you, once you start to get into the work and start to build your trust muscle around this stuff, you start to say, like, okay, I did it. I got through that hellscape of fear and doubt and limitations. I can do this, you know? And not to say that it necessarily gets like super easy because it's always, fear is always fearful, it's scary, it's hard to work through. It's meant to, it's meant to stop us in our tracks. But it does get easier in the sense that your nervous system has something to base it on. And so, you know, it's a cycle. We go around and around these loops with different, different triggers, different things that come up, different layers of the onion, repealing back to get to that core authentic self.
Dr. Erin Hayford [01:08:24]:
But the more you do the work, that kind of last leg of the journey before we kind of settle out into a new way of being for a while until the next thing comes. Is maintenance what I think of as maintenance mode? You know, like, continuing to have some sort of daily or regular attunement to yourself. You know, this shouldn't be a. I don't know, like a thing we do only when things go offline, right? Like, ideally, we're becoming more embodied, attuned beings through this work. And that becomes just like, who we are versus what we step into when, you know, we suddenly feel sick again or something like that. Like, listening to our bodies always. I mean, essentially, that's what this work is about. When we are getting closer to that authentic person, we are living more authentically.
Dr. Erin Hayford [01:09:07]:
So, you know, whatever that means for you, for myself to bring my story full circle, right? It's obviously standing in my enoughness, letting go of that caretaker role like we were talking about earlier, taking breaks, saying no, setting boundaries, working as little as I can, you know, like, making my work feel really joyful and really nourishing. But having rest and play be just as important as career, you know, having that really nourishing self time, whether it's with family or by myself. You know, like eating the foods, like eating when I'm hungry, drinking water when I'm thirsty, just like being attuned to my body, listening to its rhythms, listening to its energy, how energetic I feel, or how enthusiastic I feel and trusting that feeling when things start to feel misaligned or not good, you know, like really developing that. That self trust and that self love and that self like compass, following that inner guidance. And so that's where my journey has gotten me to, again, symptom free. Crohn's wise doesn't mean my health is perfect. Certainly I get sick or have symptoms pop up, but it's. I think the fact that it's not a chronic illness, like, I'm not chronically every day managing something, is why I say that my disease was healed through this work.
Dr. Erin Hayford [01:10:21]:
And so we go into that maintenance mode. We do the things, we listen to ourselves, and every time we go around that cycle, they can be micro cycles. You know, we can have these, like, mini little layers we peel back. But every time we go around that cycle, we get closer and closer to our core self. We live more in alignment and the healthier and happier we get.
Oriana Broderick [01:10:38]:
We talk a lot about a path that has already been set. A lot of these things that we're already doing, our paths that have already been set, whether it be traditional medicine or even natural, natural, natural medicines. These are paths that are already set. This journey is a path that you are setting that is specifically for you, not something that someone has already walked. And so moving through these pillars is going to be challenging. It's going to be difficult, it's going to be uncomfortable. And think about what you find at the end of a path that's never been walked. And I think of it for myself as a hiking path.
Oriana Broderick [01:11:24]:
You can go out and drive to a trail that has already been walked that everybody knows about, that everybody's talking about. You know, what's at the end of that. Sure, you'll see things that are uniquely for you through that path, but ultimately, you know what's at the end of that path. This path of sacred illness, you don't know what's at the end of that path. So the uncomfortability, the hard parts, the darkness, all of the things that you're going to move through as you decide to take this journey is so very special and uniquely for you that when you're in those really dark places, when you're in those really hard places, when you're in that really stuck place, think about what beauty could be at that last pillar, at that maintenance pillar. What is there at that end of this path that you've trudged, that you've chosen? That is your power, that is specifically for you.
Dr. Erin Hayford [01:12:19]:
That's beautiful. Absolutely. And I think that's the exciting thing about this journey, is it leads to things that are even better beyond comprehension. One of the things we do inside our work is we have people set a vision statement like, what do you want in your life? What do you want it to look like? And I have found that often it's better than what we even thought, because we're embodying this way of being that just, there's no way to comprehend what it feels like to truly just be yourself. That freedom and that weight lifted from your shoulders, and letting go of all those rules and those shoulds and those ways you hold yourself back. There's just no way to describe how powerful and freeing and life giving that is. And to tap into just authentic joy and happiness. You know, like, it's really.
Dr. Erin Hayford [01:13:11]:
It's profound. It creates these ripple effects that spill out into the world overall. And I think it's this way that I see us moving forward as. Again, as things start to fall apart and crumble and systems start to shift and paradigms start to shift as we become more embodied and more in our own selves. It's making that safe space for others to do the same. And it becomes, you become again that expander, that person that other people are seeing to believe what it could be, what it could be like. And we can show the path. We show the path to people.
Dr. Erin Hayford [01:13:48]:
We become that lighthouse. And the more lighthouses there are, the less shipwrecks there are. People can find safe harbors and safe shores. And our nervous systems are so wise, they're so intuitive. And one of the major ways we become regulated or dysregulated is based on the nervous system of another person. And so, I mean, we've all felt that you walk into a room and someone just feels like, oh, kind of. Or you just feel drawn to someone, you know, like that could be the other end of the spectrum. But if we can, the more of us who can embody that safety and have that safety in ourselves first, because we are not afraid to be ourselves and to show up in that way, the more that we are basically inviting others to do the same, we're inviting them onto that journey, whether spoken or unspoken.
Dr. Erin Hayford [01:14:32]:
And to me, that is the true medicine of illness, is to invite us all to heal. I think it's obviously ironic or it's contradictory to what we might think, but illness is this opportunity for us to heal ourselves and to provide medicine for those around us as more and more of us walk this journey. Thanks so much for tuning in to another episode of the sacred illness podcast. If you find this information shared here inspirational and educational, please share it with those you think would benefit from this work. To take this work deeper yourself, check out our website, www. Dot Aurorasimano, where you can explore our coaching community and course options. And don't forget to subscribe to this channel where new content is coming out all the time, intended to inspire, awaken and help you deepen your relationship with yourself, your life and your world. We'll see you next time.
