Dr. Erin Hayford [00:00:02]:
So the big question is, we know spontaneous remissions and so called miracle cures exist. We also know they aren't so spontaneous after all. I'm living proof of this. Having cured my quote unquote incurable illness, there's something to how this happens. So how do we, as humans with chronic symptoms, tap into this so called miraculous healing capacity? That is the question, and this podcast will give you the answers. My name is Doctor Erin Hayford, and welcome to the sacred illness podcast. Before we begin today's episode, just my standard medical disclaimer.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:00:39]:
This podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only. The content should not be considered a.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:00:45]:
Substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional regarding any medical condition concerns. Hey everyone. Doctor Aaron here as a quick intro to this podcast episode.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:00]:
This was a group coaching call that.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:03]:
Was recorded for the Sacred Illness group.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:05]:
Coaching program, and we decided to include.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:08]:
It in the podcast because it contains some really helpful information about this topic, referred to as integrating. Get into the details of what that.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:15]:
Means in the episode, but just to.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:18]:
Quickly introduce it, essentially integrating, is this.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:21]:
Opportunity to pause in the midst of.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:24]:
Doing a lot of healing work where you're peeling back a lot of layers, you're having a lot of insights and aha. Moments and breakthroughs, and there's this really normal impulse for us to keep going. When the momentum starts to pick up and we start to really see these changes starting to happen, we want to.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:43]:
Just keep going and keep going and keep going.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:45]:
It's like more is better, right? Is kind of the mentality. But what this episode really introduces and welcomes you to explore is this idea of actually pausing when you get to.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:55]:
This place, of having these really big.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:58]:
Breakthroughs come through, having these really big changes start to take place. This is actually a really great place to pause and integrate what you have learned in order for you to really fully embody these changes before chugging forward to the next layer. The next aha moment, the next thing, we'll talk about why in the podcast today. But again, this was recorded for the sacred illness group coaching program. So you might hear some reference to.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:02:24]:
The blueprint or the forum or things like that.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:02:27]:
Those all just refer to elements that are available within the group coaching program. So with that, enjoy. This episode you and I were talking, and I've been thinking about this idea, and I think there's some questions even in the forums about this, about, you know, like constantly, like this kind of push pull between, like, how much work do I do? You know, how how often should I engage in it, et cetera, et cetera. And I think there can be. There's. It's kind of a nuanced thing. There can be, especially when it's like a course, like, I've laid out. Like, there can be this feeling of, like, just getting through the material and learning the things.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:03:05]:
But there's this really important need for integration, which is when. Especially when you have, you know, maybe a breakthrough or an aha moment or a big layer comes up that you're working with. There's this need to stop at that point. Right. And I think that's where having a class would be helpful to discuss the different. And we can talk about it if you have ideas on it, too, but discuss the different ways in which we have to, you know, where might be these good places to install a pause, like, what kinds of things might come up, what it might look like. But essentially, when we have a change, like, if we have a realization, we realize a pattern we get through, like an onion layer. We realize a story we've been carrying or whatever it might be, and we start to reprogram it.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:03:54]:
It's almost like we're stepping into a new way of being. So, again, with those onion layers, the outermost layer is like how I'm showing up right now. How you're showing up right now. That's the outermost layer. That's the one that we're showing to the world. It's how we. That's like, it's our personality. And when we work through a layer, you know, it's like a new.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:04:14]:
It's like you peel an onion back, and it's a new layer showing. And it takes time for the nervous system to feel okay with that being the outermost layer because it's new. And it's maybe not like it's not always like a massive change. Sometimes it is, but it's not always really huge, but it's still new. And as we talked about in the blueprint, anything new to the nervous system can be very distressing, even on a small scale. It's like it doesn't like the unknown. So it doesn't fully know. The nervous system doesn't fully know what this new you is like.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:04:50]:
It doesn't fully know what to expect. It doesn't fully, you know, it's just a new experience. And so that's where integration is really important, so that it doesn't go back. Because I think this is something maybe that needs to be talked about more is just because you peel the layer off by realizing something about yourself doesn't mean you can't put a layer back on. And I think we often do, and we've seen this in other work we've done together, where people will progress down through the layers and sometimes really quickly. And, like, for all intents and purposes, it looks very successful. Like, oh, my gosh, you're realizing so much. You're learning so much.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:05:24]:
You're having all these breakthroughs and aha. Moments, and then all of a sudden, they're back to square one. Having beliefs that they had when they first came into the work, having, you know, symptoms they had when they first came into the work, having things just show up in a different or in a similar way to where they started. And it's not to say that everything they learned just disappears. That knowledge is always going to be there, but how they're showing up in the world is back to old patterning and old behaviors, and that is a direct result of not taking time to integrate. And I wish I had. I know zoom, actually. Do I have it? No.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:06:02]:
Zoom has, like, a little option to, like, draw pictures. Maybe I can draw something really crude over here. Let's see if I have paper. I don't. Okay, well, I'll just. I'll just kind of try to describe it to folks. So, basically, the way it's described in somatic experiencing is this idea of energy wells. And so when you think of a well, right, a well is something that holds, usually water.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:06:31]:
And when we are, like, our outermost layer is. Let's think of it as like, a small well, like a little tiny u shape, you know, so that little u is holding a little amount of water. And what that represents is our nervous system's capacity to hold space for all of who we are. Our emotions, like, full range of emotions. Stressors, experiences, usually, if and when we experience traumatic things in childhood, have traumatic programming, have stress around us. Our capacity to handle stuff is less. We have less capacity. We have less resilience to stress.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:07:08]:
We are more triggered more easily, more things set our nervous system off. And so our little. Well, our little energy well, how much energy our system can contain is smaller. Every time we break through a layer and release a story, let go of an inauthentic way of showing up in the world and step more fully into a fuller expression of ourselves, we go down into a deeper layer, and that next energy well is bigger. So it's like a. It's kind of like an upside down rainbow, right? Like, where the innermost color is really small, and then the next one is a little bit bigger, and then bigger and bigger and bigger. And so as you work through those layers, you're kind of doing this. You know, you're moving into a deeper layer every single time.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:07:54]:
And what we want to do when we're in that new layer is integrate before we just keep, you know, chugging along and getting into those deeper layers. Because, again, if you get down into this really deep layer where you're feeling all these emotions and having all these, you know, like, you feel more vulnerable because you're just. You have more. You're bigger, right? Like, you're more exposed, expanded, and that makes more space for more stuff to come in. More things are coming into your system. Another way that we talk about this is the window of tolerance. So, like, a window can be very. Can be closed all the way, which means nothing is coming in.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:08:29]:
There's no emotions. There's no experiences that are being held in the body. Like, everything is shut out, shut down, which is a very dissociative way of being in the world. You're just, like, numb. When you start to do this work, your window starts to get bigger and bigger and more stuff starts to come through. So if you just, like, whip open the window and, like, you know, all this stuff is coming through, like, smells and birds and butterflies and wind and, you know, like, your system's gonna be like, oh, my God, I can't. Like, this is so much stuff. You know, I can't handle it.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:08:55]:
And so we slammed the window again. And so integrating is this idea of pausing. And one of the ways that I really like to integrate is through journaling. There's not a right way to do this. There's not a way to. There's not, like, an integration formula, necessarily, but really, what it just means is, like, stop doing any additional work and let yourself kind of be with who you are and allow it to show up. And, like I was saying, for me, journaling is a way that I like to really process and be with this new layer. Oftentimes, I'm getting a lot more triggers coming through because I'm feeling more vulnerable.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:09:34]:
So there's a lot of, like, tests, so to speak, that can come through that are, like, are you really ready to embody and be in this space, or do you want to go back to old ways of behaving? And if I get triggered and react in an older way, like, that can take me back. So I'm curious to hear from you, I guess. Do you have. Maybe it's even integration that you didn't even realize you were doing. But do you have integration practices that you do or when you're pausing from the work, if you pause from the work? Or maybe this is a challenge for you. How does that show up?
Oriana Broderick [00:10:06]:
It is a challenge for me. I also have just recently realized why it is a challenge for me and how my response to trauma is to not be in my body so I can learn all the stuff. And then as soon as my window of tolerance opens or as soon as I have a bigger well, I'm like, go back to that numb sort of feeling, like, how do. It's hard for me to transition between the two. And so I actually think that I do have integration practices. I just didn't realize that that's what they were. And I think by not doing them in that intentional, mindful way that my symptoms, I can use my symptoms as an excuse not to do it, I guess, is a good way to put it. Nature is a big one for me because I can be outside, and there are things that open up for me out there that help me integrate the things that I'm learning.
Oriana Broderick [00:11:15]:
If, let's say I'm on a really hard. In a really hard situation and I'm having a hard time navigating something, I'll go out and walk, and I'll be walking on a trail or something. And all of a sudden, the trailer turned into this really, like, rocky uphill situation. And it's like I'm feeling in my body, on my feet with the air and everything, what that is feeling like outside of my head, not just this idea that everything's really hard, but I'm, you know, I'm breathing a little bit harder. The rocks are kind of sliding. I have to, you know, really pay attention to my path and things like that. So it's like these two things connect for me, and I'm like, okay, this makes sense. Like, your body is going to do these things, and it's okay to accept that that's just the way they are right now, or that's just an example, but something like that will happen.
Oriana Broderick [00:12:05]:
And I try to journal. For some reason, I have a hard time with that. I haven't figured out what the consistency piece of that for me is. But I do have a journal, and I do journal when I can sit down and journal. If I take it with me out in nature, I do better than if I try to do, than if I try to have, like, a consistent practice at home. If I try to do it every morning, or something. I'll always find a reason not to. I'll be like, well, I have to go outside and water flowers, and now I don't have time because I take my dog for a walk.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:12:36]:
Yeah. Yeah. I think that's interesting, too, because I've seen that in myself in integration periods that. That I can be avoidant. You know? It's because it's almost like you do all this, like, heavy work for a while, and then you expand. You get into a different. A deeper energy. Well, you know, you move into this different layer, and then it's almost like, oh, I'm exhausted.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:12:57]:
I just. I don't want to do anything, you know? And so you. And. Which is, I think, okay, also to some extent, but I think it's important to be mindful of, like, am I being avoidant of journaling, for example, or, like, things that might help me kind of feel into this new layer, because it's a new layer and it's scary. And, like, I just. I kind of don't want to face what's there, or do I just truly need a break, you know? And I think that that can be really hard to distinguish. But I really like the nature. Like, that's true for me, too, is, like, going outside as a expanding, integrating modality, so to speak.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:13:32]:
Not to, like, make everything medicalized. Like, going outside is going outside. But. But I think, for me, one of the things that I find with nature as well is that it helps me feel almost less vulnerable because nature is so big. There's such an expansiveness to nature. So even though I'm feeling more expanded and not always in a good way, it's more vulnerable. Like I said, there's more space. There's more capacity.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:13:57]:
There's more awareness that can feel really scary going out in nature. It's a perspective. Okay. Yeah, I feel bigger, but look at this world around me. I'm still. Still just one little being. And it's okay for me to take up more space. There's actually a lot of space for me to take up, you know? And so it can make you feel safer in your system, that you can keep expanding, and it's.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:14:22]:
You're not taking up too much room. You're not taking. You're not pulling too much attention in, because there's just literally, like, endless space to occupy. That's not something I've, like, put to words before, but I've always felt that, you know, like, it's a perspective shift of, like, it's okay to just show up and be me, because look at how big the world is. You know, I'm just. I'm just one. One thing. Yeah.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:14:45]:
And so there was back to that kind of thought I was having at the beginning, too. Do you have any? And it's okay if not, because I know this is kind of putting you on the spot, but are there any things that you can pinpoint as, like, this symptom or this way of feeling or this aha moment? Or, like, what would be some telltale signs that someone might want to pause and do some integrating? Like, for you, what maybe have you noticed or what have you seen in others where, especially now? Because I think this is kind of a newer idea for both of us, of, like, how do we pause? Like, where are these appropriate pause places for people? Like, any thoughts on that, where people might be mindful of? This is an integration period versus. This is a time where I can continue to go deeper with my work.
Oriana Broderick [00:15:31]:
I think anytime really big emotions come up is an important time to pause. I think that we can often bypass those. I think if you're. I think if you're doing this work and you are going through symptoms, there's probably been a lot of times where you've already bypassed your emotions based off of how you grew up in childhood. And so it's always an opportunity to then integrate in a space where you can use those things that you're learning. I mean, a lot of that integration is based off of what we went through in childhood. So if something comes up and a big, really big emotion comes up, I mean, sadness. Sadness is a really big one for me as a coping mechanism for myself, being to be strong for everybody and to be that person.
Oriana Broderick [00:16:15]:
I didn't really express sadness or grief for those types of things. When big events that required that type of emotion would come through, because my way of bypassing that was to just be the strong one for everyone. So everyone around me could have been crying and grieving, and I was just there to be, like, you know, the space to hold for that. And so those are the big emotions that come up for me. And that's when I don't always pause. Sometimes I do, just naturally. I think there is a natural pause that happens in your body, and I think we can also override it by adding on more things. And I, too, sometimes think, because it's happened with myself, and I think I've seen it happen with other people that we've worked with, is when things come up that are big, we can almost use more information and more healing as a way not just to bypass it, but to almost say that what we're doing isn't enough.
Oriana Broderick [00:17:17]:
All of these things are coming up. New symptoms, new emotions, or whatever comes up for us, and we're saying, okay, I'm not doing enough, and we start adding on more of this work, or we try to find somebody else that's doing something, you know, different or just whatever. We're constantly searching for the enoughness. And so I think that that's an opportunity to pause and look at those things and just be with them. And I think, naturally, you will know if you can stop for a minute and decide if that is something that you need to say with. You'll know if it's something that you're ready to sit with or if you just need a break and you just need a break from work. Because sometimes that's too. Like you said, when big things come up, sometimes we just need a little bit of a break.
Oriana Broderick [00:18:01]:
And I think this work is getting us back to that natural, intuitive way of being that was suppressed based off of the things that we went through.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:18:12]:
Totally. Yeah. In a very, like, past life iteration of this work that we're doing, this program was called reconnect to your body's wisdom. And, you know, that stands to be true as a. As a. Like, a foundational tenet of this work is like, you're getting back into your body. You're reconnecting to your body, which contains you. Right? Like, it's.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:18:33]:
It's your. It's. It's a communication that's happening constantly. And so it's. It's learning how to listen to those rhythms that are more you than what your mind would ever tell you. Because our mind is the programming. Our mind is the programming that's saying, you're only going to succeed if you get it all done in this much time or you're not doing anything, so you're not getting anywhere. You're failing, or whatever those stories are.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:19:00]:
So many of us have that go go energy and success looks like this. And if I'm not doing this, then it means this. And so it takes a lot of mindfulness to tune into and to slow down, really, to slow down and say, like, I'm. You know, if you're. If you're finding yourself feeling overwhelmed and your response is to do more. Right? Like, that's a place to lean in and really feel into. Like, is that their appropriate response? Or what do I really need in this moment to. To really make the most of this opportunity? And I think the challenge is that it's kind of like that crux point where stuff comes up, and it's that choice point of I can either pause and integrate or take a break or work with it in a new way, this new way that I'm learning, or because it feels uncomfortable in my body, I can go back to this old way of dealing with it, which might be to keep pushing forward or to, like, drop out of the program altogether and never look at it again or to, like, start a fight or, you know, to react to the emotion in a certain way.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:20:12]:
Like, that's. I think maybe that's a way to think of it, too. Is that choice point of, like, when you're feeling like you're up against a comfort zone edge of, I can, you know, I have a choice to behave in this old way or I'm going. I can go back to the old pattern, or I can choose a new path. And again, it takes mindfulness to ascertain, like, where, you know, when you're at that point. But I think something you said that's really important is essentially, it's individual. Right? Like, and that's where you really have to tune into your body. And it's almost why I'm a little hesitant to be, like, prescriptive about it.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:20:45]:
Like, when this happens, do this, you know, because that doesn't. That doesn't exist, right. It's about feeling into your body and deciding when you need to take a break or, um, you know, kind of do the work in a different way, which I think that's basically integration is like, you're not completely stepping away from it. You're just not, like, charging ahead with modules and journaling and, you know, like, moving into the next lesson. You're sitting with the current lesson that's coming up and, yeah, I think this is where I don't do a lot of. Right. I shouldn't say I don't do. I don't teach a lot of, like, somatic body exercises, but those are.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:21:23]:
Or not exercises, but what's the right word for it? Practices, I guess. But that's where these things could be helpful, too. Like, really, I think integration is about coming into your body, like, living in your new body. So whatever can get you into your body in a more embodied way is integration. Right. So that's where, again, if we are just powering ahead, that's more of a mind endeavor of, like, I'm just going to keep learning and reading and what, whatever. So I think it's kind of this interplay of, like, when we're doing the work, when we're learning and peeling back layers, it's a mind endeavor. When we're integrating, it's a body endeavor.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:22:01]:
Maybe that's a way to think of it. And so going outside, obviously, is a very physical way of being in your body, being in nature, having a more embodied experience. Journaling can help, because it's bringing up like that, more like what's happening inside of me. What am I feeling? What am I noticing? How am I changing? And again, there's body based, you know, kind of exercises or modalities or whatever that you can do to bring yourself into your body. Yoga is a great one. If it's not just, like, a workout based yoga, but like, an actual, like, you know, feeling into your body. Do you do any of that kind of stuff? Like, physical? I don't know any of that. Or, you know, is nature your big.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:22:40]:
Your big embodied practice, so to speak?
Oriana Broderick [00:22:42]:
Nature is pretty much my practice right now. I'm slowly integrating other things into it. I started making sure that I walk every single day, and I walk in an intentional way, not just walking, staying in my head, but one of the ways that I can stay sort of in my body is to always try to find something different on my walk. So if I do the same walk every day, is there something. I mean, I live in the desert, so there's always something weird and different to see. And so if I can see something like that during my walk, which I'll make my walk longer, just to focus more on that, because it helps me to not think about all of the things that I have to do or all of the work in this space that I've done and how much more work I have to do or, you know, things like that. Or sometimes I'll focus on just a symptom, like, if my hip hurts while I'm walking, I'll just focus on that and try to find solutions to. To why it's happening and which we know is, you know, just a fight or flight response.
Oriana Broderick [00:23:47]:
So, yeah, I think right now that those two things, being in nature and walking yoga was for a while, but I realized what I was doing with it was I was, instead of using it intentionally, I would use it almost militantly in a way that if I didn't do it, then x, y, and Z was gonna happen. And then, of course, x, y, and Z always happened if I didn't do it. And so it was, you know, so I want to put that back into my just daily life, and I'm really trying to use this opportunity to put these things intentionally into my daily life and not to do them in a way that is continuing to be dysregulating to my nervous system, because that was everything that I was doing, it would make me feel better for a little while, but then as soon as something else came up, it wasn't like my ability to handle stress was better. Yeah, I would just be like, I have to do more yoga or I have to go to the gym more. I have to ride more miles on my bike. You know, that happened all the time when I was working specifically and I was riding bikes. Is anything, anything stressful that would come up? I'd be like, I'll be back. I have to ride my bike before I freak out on everybody in here.
Oriana Broderick [00:25:04]:
And so I was using it, which I think is okay. I think it's an okay thing to start off that way. I don't think it's bad at all, but I think once you start really doing this work, you start to realize when you do it, go back and do that again. If I go ride my bike now and I'm doing it because I'm trying so hard to regulate my nervous system by using an activity like that, I feel so much different afterwards. I'm more tired, and I get tired more quickly and things like that, and then I get discouraged. So there's just so many more elements to it as I've been doing this work that I'm like, I want to integrate everything slowly, and I want to make sure that I'm doing it intentionally and mindfully in a way that actually works for me and my body.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:25:44]:
Absolutely. Yeah. And that's so interesting because I feel like it wasn't that long ago you were doing the bike rides. Like, I knew you when you were doing that. So it's like, that has shifted quickly for you to be like, just. Just go deeper and more mindful in. Like you said, it served a purpose, and it wasn't a bad thing to listen to that energy in your body, like, that fight, flight. It was just like, go discharge this stuff before you lose it, you know? And I think it speaks to how your nervous system has calmed down and regulated over the last several months, because that, like, intense amount of, like, output is no longer.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:26:17]:
Not only no longer feeling so urgent, but, like, it's. It's not serving you like, it's exhausting you. Right. And I think that's the beautiful thing about healing, right? Is, like, we can start to let go as we let go of these layers, we let go of the coping mechanisms and the way of engaging in the world that at that level served us and was needed. But if we go into the next layer and we're mindful and intentional and integrating and like really getting into that layer and letting that layer be us, some of those coping mechanisms start to fall off, you know, and the deeper we go, the more so that is true. And it's really key to integrate because otherwise those coping mechanisms can take us back out to the other layer, you know, at the same time, um, it's like that quote, wherever you go, there you are, you know, like you can, you can just keep doing it the same way. But, you know, that's also the definition of insanity, right? If we keep coping with new things in this, in the old way, we're not going to get new results. So again, we can intellectually understand something and see something and know kind of cause and effect, but unless we are like in relationships with it differently and working with it differently and embodying it differently, we're not going to have that like physical full body, you know, change that we're seeking, which is healing.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:27:41]:
Hi everyone, Doctor Aaron here. So by now you're starting to get an idea of some of what the sacred illness paradigm is all about. The sacred illness paradigm is all about this question of what is your illness in inviting you to become. What is it that lies within each of us that allows some of us to acquire so called spontaneous healing or remissions? And what is the key to unlocking that innate self healing capacity in each and every one of us? The sacred illness blueprint is something that I developed as a guide to help.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:28:12]:
You walk through this process step by.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:28:14]:
Step to learn how to move deeper and deeper within yourself, to find these layers of dysregulation, of trauma, of limiting beliefs of things that you're holding within your system that are keeping you small, stuck and sick. Ultimately, if we ignore the mind body connection and are not exploring the ways in which our nervous system continues to be dysregulated or in a chronic state of activation and stress, any healing modality that we put into our body from the outside in is going to be less effective, if not effective at all. So if you are currently feeling stuck, lost, confused or disillusioned in your healing journey, feeling like you have tried so many things, you have tried so many modalities, you have worked with so many providers, and you're just not seeing the results you want, know that this is normal, and of course you're not because this foundational mind body connection is often, if not always, missed in all of these modalities. And just like we can't build a house on top of sand, our healing cannot grow and blossom and be strong and successful if the foundation is not laid first. So rather than doing something different, but similar to everything you have tried before and expecting different results, I encourage you to consider doing something different altogether. This is where I invite you to explore the sacred illness group coaching program. This is a low cost monthly membership option that I have created. It's constantly open, constantly enrolling, where you can begin to explore this completely different way of engaging in your health, in your body, in your illness, and in your healing process.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:29:45]:
What is provided inside this group coaching program is the blueprint that lays the foundation and lays the path out for you to follow, to begin to explore these deeper aspects of health, to truly get at the root of what is causing your illness, and from there, allowing all other modalities to blossom so that.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:30:00]:
You can actually start to see the.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:30:02]:
Changes and the healing take place in your body that you have been expecting and wanting all along. If you're ready and want to learn more, head on over to aurorasomatic.com and at the top of the screen, click on group coaching where you can read all about it and become a member today. I can't wait to see you on the inside. And for now, let's get back to the podcast.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:30:24]:
There was a quote I saw. I think it was Alan Watts. He said, the meaning of life is just to be alive. It's so plain and so obvious and so simple, and yet everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves. And I feel like that is so, like, that's so us. You know, I don't know if it's strictly american or western world or whatever, but it is such a thing to just keep going, just like feeling like, okay, I got here, now I have to go here. Now I have to go here. You know, it's like we're never satisfied to just be.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:30:57]:
And I think that is why integrating is so uncomfortable, because it's this invitation to literally just exist. To say, like, okay, you're in this new space, live there, be there, embody it, be that person, let it be your reality and exist in that space. It's something I've become very cognizant of recently, too, is like, you know, like we do, we work in the program, and in a lot of the iterations of this work, we do one of the first things we have, I almost said contestants, clients, participants do. It's not a competition. Is to write a vision statement like, what is the life you want? Who is that person? What does it look like? What does it feel like? And part of that is as a way to kind of, first of all, feel into where are you? Versus where you want to be. Secondly, it's to say, like, what kind of limiting beliefs come up that say you can't be that person or what's blocking you from, like, feeling allowed to step into that person. But I think it's also this. You know, for me, it's become this practice of, like, continuously refining what it means to be alive for myself, you know? So I feel like at first when I do this, it's like when I first did this, you know, maybe last year, writing a vision statement, it's like, I want an oceanside house in California, and I want this car, this many cars.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:32:12]:
You know, it's like all the things that we think we're supposed to want. And some people actually genuinely, like, that is like, their, you know, that's their dream, and that's okay. But for me, it was like, initially it came from this place of, like, this is what I should want. This is who I should be. You know, it's like that celebrity ideal almost of, like, this is what it means to have the american dream. And so that's who I want. That's what I want. And as I have worked on my layers and refined myself, so to speak, over and over, that list has gotten, or that vision has gotten really, really simple.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:32:46]:
And now it's like I want to wake up and, like, take my time and, like, sit with my family at the breakfast table and have a really delicious meal and maybe go for a walk outside. You know, it's these really, like, simplistic ways of showing up in the world. And certainly, you know, where I live matters, and those sorts of things do matter. Having a functional car matters. But at the end of the day, it's not so much what I have. It's more how I'm living my life. And so, again, I think it's allowing ourselves to detach from that striving to, like, get to some dangling carrot of, like, this is what my life is supposed to look like. And these are all the things I'm supposed to have.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:33:23]:
And, like, that just takes us out of ourselves constantly because it's oftentimes a goal that is not truly based on, like, who we want to be. And bringing myself back into, like, what does it really mean to be alive? And how do I achieve that? Or what is that? You know, what do I. What do I really want my days to be filled with? And how do I get that right now versus that constant? Like, it's out there. It's going to happen once this happens, or, you know, I'm trying to get there constantly. It's what. Who is that? And how do I be that person right now, or at least bring in as much of that person right now? Because I feel like we can spend our whole lives striving to achieve some goal. Like, we can keep doing the work nonstop. But really, what is the point? You know, isn't the point to get to a place of, like, existing and being happy? So integrating is not only helping us expand into that new person, it's also helping our nervous system feel like, what it's like to be mindful and present in the here and now, which is ultimately the point of life, as Alan Watts said so eloquently.
Oriana Broderick [00:34:27]:
I mean, and then we wonder why we're also exhausted all the time, because we're constantly looking outside of ourselves. And, you know, I think whatever the saying is, the grass is, we always think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. And, yeah, we don't have any. I mean, we generally do that, and we don't actually have any clue why we even care. Yeah, we just know that we want that, but we don't really know exactly why. I mean, you know, you kind of hit the nail on the head when you said I these were all the things that I felt like I should want and I should need and these specific cars in a specific kind of house and all of this stuff. And it's like we almost forget to be grateful for what we do have when we're doing that. And so we're always putting ourselves in an exhausted, dysregulated space because we're always, like you said, striving for something, you know, even in the healing space, we're striving to get rid of this symptom and striving to feel this way so that we can do most of the time when people first start this work and you ask them why they want to do it, it's the most arbitrary reasons.
Oriana Broderick [00:35:33]:
It's like, because I want to go back to work because I want to, you know, whatever, because I want to have friends. And it's like, you know how it's almost as though we're. Our illness is inconvenient because society is saying that these are things that we want to do, and we are often not honest with ourselves in saying, you know, maybe I actually don't want to do those things in the way that I was doing them before. But for whatever reason, it felt better as your old self. Because I think once you start having symptoms, you're already being asked to be the self that you are always intended to be without all the patterns and all of the programs and all of the trauma. And so we always want to get back to our old self. That's always such a big thing when people very, very first start this work is, I want to. I just want my old life back.
Oriana Broderick [00:36:26]:
Yeah, well, that's going to be hard because that's not what we're doing.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:36:30]:
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean, and that's. That's, I think the, you know, the first paradigm shift or one of the first paradigm shifts in this work is the life you currently have is the life in which your illness grew. Right. Like, the mindset you have right now, the job, maybe, maybe the relationships. But there's some combination of external and internal factors that became the perfect, you know, milieu or whatever the word is. Like the perfect combination that created, led to the manifestation of your illness.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:37:02]:
And it's mostly an internally driven endeavor, but as we know, what is going on inside creates what's happening outside. We call in the relationships and the circumstances that reflect our limiting beliefs of who we are and how we can show up in the world. And so that's such an important point. I'm so glad you mentioned that, because that is, like, the point, right? Is like, we have to change. We are changing ourselves and in such a way that the external has to change in some way, shape or form or else. Yeah. Like, if your goal is just to get back to that toxic job, then, you know. Yeah, because there's this idea of, like, I need to, like, I'm not being productive enough because my illness is slowing me down, or I'm not doing enough in my helicopter, I'm not doing enough chores, I'm not keeping up my end of the deal in my marriage, or I'm not, you know, and obviously there's nuance.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:37:51]:
Like, there can be reality to some of that stuff, but I think in the way that we typically think of it, the way we're programmed to think of it, we're trying to get back into this, like, go, go, go machine producing, you know, like, we think of health as being functional. The more functional you are, the more capable you are, the more you're making and doing and whatever the healthier you are, quote unquote. And we're trying to say health is not at all related to how you're showing up in the world and what you're producing. And, like, you could, you know, in this. In this work, we're saying the healthiest version of you might be someone who lays in a hammock all day long and like, writes blogs from Hawaii or something. Like, you know, like, you. And like, you never like, lift a finger, right. Getting into this different mindset of what it really means to be you and really allowing for that authentic self to kind of guide you, not you having a predetermined vision of, like, this is who this person needs to be.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:38:50]:
And that's why I think that vision statement is interesting, because again, if we're really being mindful about it, like, we can see, like, this was. This was my vision for what I was supposed to be. And like, as I go deeper, I'm really seeing that it's quite different or it's changing quite a bit. My priorities are changing. Um, yeah. So it's that we talk about a lot, like a grief process, you know, as you're going through this cycle and you're letting these parts of you die off and you're letting these new ones take hold or step forward. It is. It's a releasing.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:39:19]:
It's a. It's a grieving that old life, but celebrating the fact that you're moving into a new. A new one. Yeah. So you. It's. It's not. Not want.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:39:30]:
Not necessarily forcing yourself to get back into the old way. It's making. Making way for the new. I have this handout that I created a long time ago that I just pulled up. And when I create this integration lesson or module or whatever, or class or whatever it's going to be, I will include this. But they are. It's a handout about embodiment and grounded grounding practices. So again, if we are trying to get back into our body, sometimes when we're feeling a lot of that dysregulation, if we're feeling vulnerable or exposed because we're feeling more emotions, we are maybe feeling just more.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:40:12]:
Just more. In general, these kinds of practices can be really helpful to just regulate your nervous system in those moments. So they're not necessarily like, this isn't what you would do for an entire integration period, but they can be utilized in moments of distress. And I think before I go into them, that's one more thing I want to say, is that oftentimes when we expand. So when we move from a smaller energy well into a bigger one, when we have more capacity in our system, very often it feels worse before it feels better. We say that a lot in the healing journey. Things often get worse before they get better. And this is what we mean.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:40:49]:
When your system expands and you're suddenly feeling more emotions and you're having more awareness about yourself, it's uncomfortable. And that is why it is so easy to go back into old habits or behaviors or to tune out completely. So that's maybe another sign that it's time for integration when you're feeling uncomfortable. And so these, again, these practices are about helping your nervous system regulate and feel safe, because ultimately, that's the name of the game. Help your nervous system feel safe in this new expanded space we're trying to tell and teach your nervous system. Yeah, this is new. And newness, the unknown is a huge trigger for the nervous system, but consciously we know this is safe. This is why I feel this way.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:41:38]:
This is what's happening. And so I'm going to be mindful of my nervous system's impulse to engage in dysregulated behavior, old behavior, to get me back into the old place. I'm going to be mindful of that urge, mindful of that need, and I'm going to choose a different path, choose a different way of dealing with it, essentially. So let me go to the handout here. Before you begin any of these sort of exercises, it's important to remember that different practices work for us at different times, and some of them will never feel right. And so there's several exercises here that I will teach. And so if you're going to try them out, try them all at once, and only keep the ones that feel good to your body. So it shouldn't feel overwhelming, it shouldn't feel unsafe, it shouldn't shut you down and anything like that.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:42:33]:
So, to begin, this is a grounding exercise. So, grounding exercises are important to help us arrive in our bodies in the present moment. So literally grounding, right, getting in our bodies, getting kind of onto the earth. And so sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes or rest them somewhere neutral, like on the floor, and then look around your space, turning your head up, down, side to side, while also moving your eyes through a full range of motion to take in all of the different things that are around you. So I guess don't close your eyes yet. Do this first. Look around your space, look up, look down, just kind of let your eyes go. Organically where they want to go.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:43:11]:
And once you feel oriented, then you can bring your attention down to your feet, close your eyes or look down. As we mentioned before, putting your feet on the floor, kind of noticing what happens when you press your weight into your feet, or what happens if you stand up and you're really keeping your attention in your body and noticing what sensations, emotions, thoughts, memories or images arise as you do this. And this can be enhanced. This grounding exercise can be really enhanced with when you're barefoot. So, and even more so if you're outside, physically connected to the earth. But just in general, if you can be barefoot, that really helps you to feel. You're really focusing on what does it feel like to put weight into my feet to ground into the earth? If I stand up, what do I notice? What comes up for me? And keeping your feet planted on the floor, occasionally pressing your weight into them, can help you literally and figuratively ground into your body. So if you're feeling dysregulated, if you're feeling overwhelmed, uncomfortable, this can be a really helpful practice.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:44:14]:
The next exercise is when you are in a state of freeze. So freeze is going to feel numb or disconnected, kind of brain foggy, overwhelmed, that kind of feeling of just not being present. This is going, these activities are going to help you come back into your body and come back into a more embodied, regulated space. So when we are in freeze, we need to have really small, digestible, manageable stimuli to kind of activate the system again. And we go into freeze when we, when things are so overwhelming, when we are so overstimulated, we have to shut down. And so what we want to do is to introduce just a little bit of stimuli that feels safe to the body so that then the body can start to again come back online, feel that that stimulus is safe, and then that slowly expands its capacity to be back online, so to speak. And so the first one is called vu. And so this is where you.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:45:24]:
This is a Peter Levine exercise. He's the creator of somatic experiencing. You take a slow, deep inhale through your nose, and when you exhale, you say voo from as deep inside your belly as you can, and you ride it all the way out with your breath until you run out of air naturally. You're not forcing it. And so I'll just do one example. So you would go, you would inhale, and then you would do it again and again, usually two or three times until. Or more, right, so you're doing it several times in a row, but you're doing it one at a time and then noticing how your body feels afterwards. Already just doing it one time, I feel grounded.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:46:17]:
But that vu is a vibration, so it's bringing, you know, again, a very gentle stimulus into your body. So when you're in a state of freeze, it can feel really safe, like, okay, my nervous system can handle a little bit of stimulus, and it's helping me feel a little more grounded. It's bringing me out of that numb, dissociated shut off space, and you can modify it. You can play around with how deep or how high pitched the vu is, how loud you do it, how quietly you do it, how long, how short. So you can play around with what feels good to your body. Similar to the vu, you can do what's called a sh breath. So you're inhaling through your nose and then riding the sh sound out with your breath until you run out of air again. And don't force it.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:47:01]:
As with the vu, you can play around with how intense the sound is, how loud, how quiet, how short, how long, and doing it again several times in a row, but pausing one at a time, and after each time you do it and noticing how your body feels. Then the butterfly hug. I like this one, which is essentially where you are hugging yourself. So you're putting your left hand on your right shoulder and your right hand on your left shoulder with your arms crossing, and you are doing a tapping. So this is kind of a somatic or, excuse me, an EMdR practice. So you're tapping back and forth on your shoulders, on the front of your shoulders while you hug yourself. And you can play around with, around with how fast or how slow or how hard or soft you're tapping, playing around with different rhythms and doing this for about 30 to 60 seconds, kind of filling into whatever intensity feels right to you. And then checking in with your body and noticing what sensations you're feeling or noticing, um, and noticing if the, um, you know, the freeze is starting to shift.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:48:03]:
Well, you're noticing with that, and you can increase the intensity just a little bit every time you practice doing it, a little bit harder, a little bit faster to bring a little bit more stimuli to your system. So then the other side, so to speak, of the activation spectrum, is fight or flight. So when we're in fight or flight, right, there's a lot of energy in the system. We're feeling either really angry or really like we want to go, go. We want to keep moving. So what our nervous system really needs to feel in that moment and to bring it back to what we've been talking about. Like, if you are, you know, feeling more emotions, you're feeling more triggered, you're feeling more symptoms, you're just feeling more. That can bring us into a state of fight or flight really easily because there's a lot more stimulus coming into the body.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:48:50]:
What we need to learn is how to be okay with those uncomfortable thoughts and feelings without acting on them. So freeze is like, I'm already frozen, I'm already shut down. So we're trying to bring a little stimulus back into the system to help it learn how to not shut down completely. When there's stimuli, fight or flight is saying, when there's a ton of energy in the system, we need to learn how to sit with it without taking action, knowing that it's okay to be seen, it's okay to feel connected to ourselves, to others, to the world when there's stimuli coming into the system. And when our system starts to feel okay with just being, just existing as we've been talking about versus taking action, then we can start to, from there, kind of move back into a state of calm regulation, bringing the nervous system intensity down just a little bit. So the first exercise is a containment hold. So that is similar basically to the butterfly hug, except you're not doing any tapping. You're literally just holding yourself.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:49:53]:
So you're, again, left hand on right shoulder, right hand on left shoulder. And what you can do is play around with how much pressure you're, you're doing when you hug yourself. Um, so you can hug, you know, squeeze really tight or just kind of loosely hold yourself, but you're really just helping yourself be with that energy and that activation that's in your system. To take it a step further, you can maybe imagine being hugged by someone or imagine your adult self hugging your younger self, if that feels appropriate. But regardless of how you're modifying this hug, you just, again, as always, notice how it feels in your body to be held. Notice how it feels to be hugged by someone else or to hug your inner child if you're doing that. But again, never do anything that's too much. Just play around with enough of a challenge that feels okay but not overwhelming.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:50:48]:
So, you know, maybe hugging yourself really tight and breathing feels like, okay, this is really hard to do. This is challenging, but I can do it, right? Like, that's kind of, we want to find that balance of how can you do it with pushing yourself a little bit, but not to the point where you're like, I'm freaking out, and I'm going into a state of freeze because this feels so unsafe. And then another option is something called resourcing. So this is something we do a lot in the meditations that are taught within the blueprint and other classes, but you are essentially thinking of a memory, a place, or an object that feels really safe and nourishing to you. It can be real or imagined. So it's kind of like going to your safe place. And as you hold the image of that thing in your head, you want to take in as much detail of it as you can. What are you seeing? What are you smelling? What are you hearing? What are you touching, etcetera.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:51:42]:
And then over time, you can modify it by seeing what it's like to consider inviting others into this space. Is there resistance to that idea? Are there some people who feel okay to have in that space, but not others? And this might be too challenging, and that's okay. So, as I said before, just if it is, just disregard it and, you know, move on to other practices. But you want to tune in as you're doing this, as you're closing your eyes and imagining yourself in this safe space again, you're trying to teach your nervous system, be still. Can we just be with this sensation, these sensations in your body, without acting? So, as you're tuning into the sensory experience of being in this space, notice if there is anywhere in your body that starts to feel grounded and calm and at peace as you do this exercise, start to bring attention into that grounded part of your body and go into that space specifically. So if you're, you know, imagining this safe space and you're feeling really grounded, let's say, like in your chest, let's say there's a calm sensation happening in your chest. Bring all of your focus into that part of the body and breathe into that part of your body and hang out there, because that's what's really going to start to calm your nervous system down. It might be really random, like, my entire body feels super activated, but my left foot feels okay.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:53:02]:
Or like this part of, you know, the outside part of my pinky or something like that. So that's the goal, is when you start to bring this safe memory place object into your mind, you start to see it, experience it from a sensory perspective, finding where in your body starts to calm down in response to it. Go into that part of your body, sit with that part of your body, and let that calmness be a balm for the other parts of your body that are more activated. So there's a few more exercises, but I will again include all of these into the resourcing class, the integration class that eventually makes its way either into the blueprint or onto the community space at large. And thinking of these practices as things that you can do to help integrate when you're feeling activated, when you're feeling like you have to keep moving, when you're feeling overwhelmed. Bringing these practices in can be a way to just get through that more intense moment and then using things like ground or going outside and grounding, doing journaling, yoga, things that bring you into your body, maybe swimming, whatever feels good to you. Those are your more longer term integration tools. Until you feel like you can hold space and you can be this new person, you can embody this new person.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:54:18]:
It feels easy, it feels natural. It starts to feel intuitive. That's when you know you're ready to get back into the work. So I hope this was helpful for you all. I'd love to hear in the forums what you think, or if you want to comment on this video, what you think or what maybe you've experienced as a kind of a telltale sign that you need to slow down and do some integration. Let us know because I'd love to hear from you what your experiences are. Thanks so much for tuning in to another episode of the Sacred Illness podcast. If you find this information shared here inspirational and educational, please share it with those you think would benefit from this work.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:54:59]:
To take this work deeper yourself, check out our website, www.aurorasomatic.com, where you can explore our coaching community and course options. And don't forget to subscribe to this channel where new content is coming out all the time, intended to inspire, awaken and help you deepen your relationship with yourself, your life, and your world. We'll see you next time.
