Dr. Erin Hayford [00:00:02]:
So the big question is, we know spontaneous remissions and so called miracle cures exist. We also know they aren't so spontaneous after all. I'm living proof of this. Having cured my quote unquote incurable illness, there's something to how this happens. So how do we as humans with chronic symptoms, tap into this so called miraculous healing capacity? That is the question, and this podcast will give you the answers. My name is Doctor Erin Hayford, and welcome to the Sacred Illness podcast. Before we begin today's episode, just my standard medical disclaimer. This podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:00:43]:
The content should not be considered a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:00:51]:
Regarding any medical concerns. Hi, everyone, and welcome to episode 20 of the Sacred Illness podcast. I'm Doctor Erin, and I'm so excited.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:04]:
Today to have Stormie Carter with us.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:06]:
Stormie is someone that I met kind of synchronistically, it seems. So. We've been in each other's lives in various capacities, but today she's coming on to the podcast to share her own personal journey, healing various chronic illnesses, to share the process that she went through, all the twists and turns and ups and downs and things that she discovered, and ultimately how she got onto a path of working with the mind and the body connection, how she started to put those pieces together, and some of the really big shifts and changes she has seen since shifting onto a new path. So welcome, Stormie. I'm so excited. Thank you again for being here.
Stormie Carter [00:01:44]:
Thank you for having me.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:46]:
So let's just delve right in. As we were saying before we started recording, I don't know much of your journey prior to us crossing paths. I know bits and pieces. I know the diagnoses you have and the things you've been working with and kind of the changes you've seen. But wherever you want to start, I would love to just hear from you how it all got started. Where does this story start?
Stormie Carter [00:02:08]:
Okay, thank you so much, Erin. So, for me, I first started developing chronic symptoms when I was about 17 years old. I had, you know, a bit of a traumatic childhood. I was adopted at age twelve. And there was a big difference in my life before adoption and after. And both had parts that were really great and also parts that were really unhealthy and caused a lot of maybe, like, distortions in my thinking. And I think when I God, adopted in my life, like, I never really knew how to ask for help. I just thought, oh, I just need to fake it until I get out of here, you know, until I move away.
Stormie Carter [00:02:50]:
And so there was so much that I buried while I was just trying so hard. Trying, trying. That's, like, has been a theme. And I think I had some perfectionistic tendencies. And then around age 17, I started getting sleepy all the time. And now I know that was the beginning stages of narcolepsy, but it took me about eight years to get diagnosed with it. And so during that time, I was, you know, living on my own, working multiple jobs, riding my bike 10 miles a day to two different minimum wage paying jobs, all with narcolepsy. It was just a rough few years.
Stormie Carter [00:03:28]:
And I think a lot of people with chronic illnesses can relate to just, like, that period of time where you don't know what's going on, but, you know, something's not right, and maybe all your blood test is coming back normal and nobody knows, and you're like, no, I'm not crazy. Something's going on. And finally, I got diagnosed with that a long time later. But there is also other things that were going on as well that it just kind of snowballed. And so I think that that's kind of really what started my stages with chronic illnesses. I have other ones as well. I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome, hypermobile type, and I was diagnosed with that as well as pots in 2019. So that was actually pretty recent.
Stormie Carter [00:04:16]:
So. And then I'm pretty sure I also have chronic fatigue syndrome. And there's just, like, a lot of things that, you know, have been going on. And then it wasn't until I think it was about last year or maybe the year before that, after going to doctors for years and years and trying all of the different things, that I first started realizing that there might be a better way out.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:04:42]:
Yeah. And it's so interesting just to hear how the progression of things. I think that's also very familiar to folks with chronic illness. Like, it starts with one kind of specific symptom, and then it just expands and expands and expands. And that also, that, we had talked about that before, just how with narcolepsy specifically, but I think also with, like, eds and pots, getting that diagnosis is so, so hard. And you were saying about how narcolepsy is just, like, so not understood. It's missed so much. And, I mean, you said, what, eight years till you got diagnosed? So that's a really long time.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:05:16]:
And I think that's, that is the hallmark of chronic illness journeys as well, is that feeling of, I know I'm not crazy. I know that I, like, there's a palpable shift in, like, how I was and how I am, and it can be really, really hard. I mean, that's a long time to endure that feeling of, like, I know something is wrong, but you're telling me. What were they telling you? Like, nothing was wrong, or we just don't know what's going on. Or what was the message you were getting?
Stormie Carter [00:05:41]:
All different kinds of things. Cause they would run all these tests, and then nothing. Everything would come back normal. They'd be like, okay, well, after a while, the doctors are like, okay, I. Some things, like, I don't think that something's really going on. Like, in the treatment for narcolepsy is you're sleepy all the time, so it stays stimulants. So it's like, you know, I just would get accused of being hypochondriac or, like, not in those words, but, like, it's all in your head. Or, like, I would come to the doctor every few months and be like, okay, well, let's try these tests I've been researching.
Stormie Carter [00:06:13]:
Maybe it's adrenal fatigue hormone. Like, can we test this? Can we test this? And so they would be doing all these tests, and everything came back normal, because narcolepsy can only be diagnosed with this super antiquated daytime sleep test that isn't really reliable anyways. And so, yeah, just years and years of just, like, I think that out of my entire life, I've gone through some really hard. And those were the. That was the hardest thing I've ever been through, is going through those years of just, like, sleeping non stop, not being able to stay awake at all. And the doctors just like, well, we don't know. I guess, you know, here's some Adderall. And then it just.
Stormie Carter [00:06:54]:
The way that I began coping with my chronic illnesses was through substance abuse, which led to alcoholism, which is. I have a long history in my family, and so it wasn't until 2016 that I got sober. And then also, that's the same year I got diagnosed with narcolepsy. And which now I know my sleep apnea is from Ehlers Danlos syndrome, because my throat closes because it's so weak and hypermobile. Yeah. And so then a few years later is when I was diagnosed with all of the other stuff, because I got really sick working as a nurse. I think it was maybe long Covid, or maybe it was, like, stress related, but my body basically was like, no, we can't function anymore.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:07:37]:
It's so interesting to hear these stories because they're obviously very different. And, like, the how and the why we get to where we get with our illnesses are different, but there's also just so much similarity from story to story. Like, especially the going to the doctor and advocating for yourself and being like, okay, here's some labs that I looked up. Here's some other things we could try. And, you know, as a naturopath, kind of used to that because by the time people get to me, they are, like, experts in self advocacy. But I know from what they have told me, and maybe you experience this, you know, a lot of conventional doctors don't like that because they have, you know, they have their tests that they do. And, you know, it's. It gets to be like, this weird ego thing of, like, don't tell me how to do my job or whatever it is, but.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:08:18]:
But at the same time, it's like, well, but you're not helping me. So, like, and you're the only one that can do these things for me. So, like, can we please work together a little bit here? Did you have doctors who were amenable to, like, running the things you brought, or did you have to kind of work to find someone who would be more open minded, so to speak?
Stormie Carter [00:08:35]:
Yeah. So my first doctor that I went to that I was going to, like, every few months, like, okay, can we try this? Can we try this? She was, you know, nice and she was okay with it, but after a while, after a year of the same 20 year old in your office every three months with a long list of things to try, she was just kind of like, she got, what do you call, not burnt out, not detached, but there was kind of just like, I guess, which I can understand. Maybe it was a way that she had to do that to kind of protect herself. I don't know. But. So, yeah, then after that, I went several years where my life just kind of spiraled out of control. And I wasn't going to doctors. I was self medicating.
Stormie Carter [00:09:16]:
And because I had spent so much time and so much money, I think that that's another thing. It's like when you don't have a lot of money, like, and you're sick and you're, you know, it's like, it can get so expensive. Sister just went to the doctor two weeks ago. She's been having, like, flu like symptoms for, like, three weeks at least, and she can't work. And so she went to the doctor, and he basically told her he thought she was depressed, and she was like, well, three weeks ago, I was fine. It was the whole thing about getting. He got in his ego, just all this crazy stuff. And it was so weird talking to her because it brought back so many memories and just disheartening that it's like, that's how things really still are, you know? It's crazy.
Stormie Carter [00:10:06]:
That's, like, still like that. So many people, like, even talking about this on my social media and stuff. So many people have messaged me and been like, I got a pots diagnosis because of you. Or, like, oh, my gosh, wait, that's what's going on with me. Like, the doctors have been telling me that I'm just overweight or I'm just whatever, and then sure enough, they have Ehlers Danlos syndrome or they have pots or something. And, like, we shouldn't have to be able to find our diagnosis through some random person on the Internet, you know?
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:10:36]:
Right. Absolutely. Yeah. And don't even get me started on the weight thing. I know that we both have a passion for that piece. We could go off on that for a while, but, yeah, it's like, it's either it's lifestyle, it's genetics, it's weight, or it's in your head. Like, those are basically the conclusions you get to. And even if they say it's lifestyle or genetics, it's still not helpful, you know? I mean, none of that is helpful, but it's like, none of those provide an actual solution.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:11:01]:
And so you are just left kind of holding the bag of like, okay, cool, whatever you say. But I still feel like crap, so how do I. What do I do? You know? But of course, then, you know, if it's weight, then it's like, well, then lose weight. Or if it's smoking, it's like, well, quit smoking. But. But, yeah, those are. We know that those are not. Those are not the reasons that people have chronic illnesses.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:11:22]:
Yeah. And like you said, we should not be. It's like one of those things where it's like, thank God we have social media and we have this network of humans that now we figure these things out. But at the same time, you know, I don't know. It's. So. I think that's the problem with algorithmic medicine, is that if you don't fit in the algorithm, then you don't. Like, you just disappear.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:11:40]:
Like, you just don't exist anymore. You know? It's like, if you either fit this and you have this clear path of, like, this is why you're sick, and this is the treatment, and if you fall outside of it, then you're lost. You're lost in the system, basically. And I, you know, with eds and pots, like, all the things you mentioned, all these conditions, like, they're not rare, right? Like, we know there's thousands and thousands of people who have these things. So that's, I think my, like, point of confusion with conventional medicine is at what point are these things going to start to be part of their wheelhouse, you know, like where they're point, they're picking this up more, more often. And. Yeah, to the point of self medication and alcohol use. I mean, I think that's probably a very common cause for a lot of substance use also, especially with things like chronic fatigue.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:12:25]:
I mean, any of these chronic illnesses make you feel so tired and so crappy, and so either you're taking stuff to, like, wake yourself up or just to numb. Yeah. And so, you know, you don't have to go into it. But did you find that period of time at least a helpful escape? Because I think, you know, a big part of my passion, too, is destigmatizing addiction and substance use because we think of it as in such derogatory terms. But sometimes it's all you have, right. I mean, is that, was that your experience?
Stormie Carter [00:12:53]:
Yep. I remember the first time I took Adderall, I almost started crying because it was like I had been sleepy for so long, years and years at this point, like, working at it so hard. And it was like the first time in years that I actually felt awake and I was a whole cloud lifted, like, and I was thinking, like, is this what it feels like for most people, they can just, throughout their day, just like, awake. And now I'm on one medication and it's for narcolepsy, and it's maybe, I hope maybe one day I'll be able to get off of it. But for now, it's like the difference in me taking it and not just having really severe narcolepsy symptoms and being like a normal person. When I take it, it's like I can sleep 8 hours, function like a normal person, and then when I can't, I'm like. Like, when I was a nurse, my doctor took me off of it because of a side effect, which was it shouldn't have happened, but I wasn't able to work as a nurse. I had to go on medical leave because that's how big of a difference it makes.
Stormie Carter [00:13:55]:
Like, I couldn't even function or take care of my patients. So it is like, yeah, it is crazy, but it also shows, like, if people can get properly diagnosed, there are treatments that can really be super life changing, but it just often gets missed so much. I was thinking the other day, too, about, like, I feel like part of the problem is that there's really no consequences for doctors not knowing what they're talking about. Like every other area of the world or like business or anything. Like, if it doesn't go well, there's like, immediate consequences. Back reviews, like, there's health grades, but nobody really uses that. And, like, there's, you know, or they might have to get worried about getting sued. But it always is interesting to me when people I'm watching like, a YouTube video or TikTok and they're like, this is not medical advice.
Stormie Carter [00:14:43]:
Ask your doctor. But I'm saying is so much more helpful and on point than what a doctor saying. They should be the ones giving the disclaimers, but sidetracked.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:14:53]:
Well, it's so, I mean, that is a really interesting point because there's no accountability for it. And, and yet it's so expensive. Like, we put so much money into the medical system. Like, I don't know of any other thing where we're like, you know, if we have insurance, where we're paying a copay and pumping all this money in and there's no return on investment, like nine times out of ten. Yeah. And it's that accountability piece. I mean, from my, again, I, you know, as someone who sees people like, who are kind of exiting the conventional system, just like the things that, like you said earlier, it's hard to fathom that it's still like this, you know, and just people saying, like, you know, I had this symptom, so my doctor sent me to this specialist. I had to wait six months and then that I saw them for five minutes and they just sent me to another specialist.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:15:38]:
And it's just this, like, you know, ping pong between specialists now we don't even have, like, a person who knows us and has our history. And so it's so hard to get that sort of complete care, I guess you could say, because no one really knows us anymore. No one is taking that time to look at our history. They're doing a five second snapshot based on their very narrow slice of the pie, and that's it. And that's not ever going to lead to, I mean, like you said, there are the treat, like, there are treatments that can make a big difference. It's just like getting that all those pieces to line up seems so hard. It's like a weird medical roulette game. It's like you got to get the right doctor, the right test, the right time, the right whatever, and then somehow it will work out.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:16:23]:
But that can take, obviously, years, like you said, you know, eight years for you to get one diagnosis. And how long after that until you got on the right medication for you, like the one you were just talking about?
Stormie Carter [00:16:33]:
Um, I think it was several years.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:16:37]:
And you tried. I think you had said you had tried several different things between now and then. And then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, even when you get the diagnosis, sometimes, it's not like if that's one huge relief. Like, okay, we've got answers, and I have a. You know, I have an understanding, but now what? So then walk us to that point of. I mean, it sounds like a lot happened at once.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:16:58]:
You got sober, you finally got all these diagnoses. Something opened up in your world, whatever that was. Right. So where does it go from there, once things started to kind of click for you?
Stormie Carter [00:17:09]:
Well, okay, so I got sober in 2016, about the same time I was getting diagnosed. Also, that's about the same time I was starting nursing school, and I got married in 2017.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:17:20]:
Oh, my gosh.
Stormie Carter [00:17:21]:
That's, like, since 2016, it has been crazy, which you'll probably like if you notice all of these timelines. It's been really. My life has been crazy since then, which I think is why I'm still kind of trying to, like, decompress a little bit. But, um, so, anyway, so then I went. Did nursing school until then. I graduated in 2018 and started working as a nurse. And then. So my.
Stormie Carter [00:17:46]:
That's, I think 2017. 2018 is when I started on my narcolepsy med. That really changed everything for me. Then I started as a nurse without going into too much detail about it, the nursing job I had was super toxic because of administration and because of the way that it was ran, not really because of the patients. They were so sweet. It was just one of those very kind of bureaucratic situations where I wasn't really given the tools I needed as a new nurse. And I talked to, even talked to chief nursing officer, and I was like, this is not safe. But I think at the time, I didn't have a lot of the tools that I have now where I would absolutely be like, no, like, I'm quitting, or, you know, there are so many things you can do, but I was just like, oh, I'm stuck with this.
Stormie Carter [00:18:30]:
And so I would be giving and giving and trying and trying. And I think that really, I pushed my body way too far. And it, like, I remember leaving on those shifts and feeling just like a shell. Like I. It was too. Too much on my body, definitely, like, a traumatic situation. And so I was there. It was, you're supposed to be on a floor for six months.
Stormie Carter [00:18:54]:
So I was like, okay, let me just push through. I was there six months, and then I switched to the ER, which was actually because of how, like, just crazy the other department was. The ER was, like, super easy compared to it. Yeah, yeah. Because you had, like, actually, like, you had great people on your team who, like, taught you and you. I was given all the tools I needed, but at that point, which was actually, I had to be on the other floor three more months. By the time I got there, my body started actually processing everything and I got really sick. So I was only on the Er, like, one month before.
Stormie Carter [00:19:27]:
My body just, like, couldn't do anything. So that's when I called my doctor about my narcolepsy med, which it was not related, but she was like, if you ever have this symptom, call me, because it might be a side effect, which it wasn't. And for a short period of time before I switched doctors, which thankfully, I did, but in that period of time, my body just. I couldn't move around the house. I couldn't go check them, I couldn't. If I had, my bedroom was upstairs, and if I came downstairs, like, I was down there all day, I couldn't walk upstairs. And I filed for disability because I couldn't work. And it was like, they were like, I don't remember how old I was, like, 25.
Stormie Carter [00:20:06]:
They're like, oh, you're fine. But they probably thought I was lying on my application. I can't walk more than 10ft without getting winded. Like, it was so. Such a stark contrast. My husband would be like, are you okay? And I was like, I don't know, but it was very. So, I don't know. That was in 2019.
Stormie Carter [00:20:24]:
So that was all the time that, like, Covid was really first happening. So I. I did get Covid. So I'm wondering if part of this is long Covid or maybe it was just from all of the trauma I'd been through, maybe a culmination of all of it. But from that point on, everything has been different for me.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:20:44]:
Hey, sacred illness listeners. Doctor Erin here. I'm quickly interrupting today's episode to put out the invitation to you or anyone you know who has a chronic illness or chronic symptoms that would like to come onto the podcast and share your story. Our goal is to invite folks onto the show who have worked with Mindbody's medicine modalities and noticed an improvement or even a complete resolution of symptoms using this potent medicine. If this describes you, check the link in the show notes below. That will take you to a quick application to fill out that will give us some information about who you are, what your story is, and we'll take it from there. And again, if you know anyone who might also fit this description or like to come onto our show, please feel free to share the link with them as well. All right, let's get back to the.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:21:29]:
Episode.
Stormie Carter [00:21:32]:
That'S also like a. Right before that, I had been diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos syndrome because of a random doctor I saw for my migraines. He did a full body test and, like, lifted my pinky and he was like, okay, that's not normal. You're really flexible. So he thankfully just was like, I think you have this. Let me put in a referral. But that was a year away. Then they canceled it.
Stormie Carter [00:21:53]:
So I googled it. I found a clinic 4 hours away that took cash or not took cash, but, you know, was just self paid. So it was dollar 400, which, thankfully, I like. That's more than a lot of people would be able to do for, you know, a diagnosis. So it's like, I'm very thankful that I could afford that. And then I went and sure enough, I had that. And then she's the one who suspected I had pot. So it's like even that was stepping outside the traditional, you know.
Stormie Carter [00:22:21]:
So anyways, I started selling vintage clothes online to try to kind of COVID the bills a little bit. And then I built that up. And then about six months later, I kind of got my strength back enough to work as a home health nurse part time. So I was kind of doing both of those. But my pots, that's when my pots really, like, was having difficulties. So that was really difficult.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:22:42]:
But how these stories end up falling together, you know, it makes me wonder if they hadn't canceled that appointment for the EDS specialist or who, you know, whoever it was you were going to go see. Would you even know about pots at this point? Right? So sometimes these things that seem like roadblocks or annoyances end up being blessings in disguise, even though ideally you don't have to take things into your own hands and google things and pay $400 out of pocket. Whoever you saw sounds like she was really a key player and helping bring together some of the final pieces. Yeah. So you are managing pots. You are managing eds. You obviously have fatigue. When did you.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:23:21]:
Did you get back on that narcolepsy medication? Pretty quick. And I know you were doing a lot for pots, too. Like, a lot of iv's and hydration and, like, walk us through that part of that treatment.
Stormie Carter [00:23:32]:
So all while this was happening, I also had two babies.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:23:38]:
Oh, my gosh.
Stormie Carter [00:23:40]:
I think I got. I had Opal in 2020. So that whole time I was pregnant with her, and I kind of thought it was just pregnancy symptoms, but I also kind of thought maybe not, because I was having to drink at this. At that time, I took. Put these little packets in my. In my water. Every, like, 32oz was a packet that had, I think, 2.5 grams of sodium. So that's a lot.
Stormie Carter [00:24:03]:
And then I was drinking, like, nonstop, and I couldn't stay hydrated, so I kind of knew something was up. And then after I gave birth to her is when I officially got diagnosed with pots, because they couldn't diagnose it while I was pregnant, but they were like, yeah, you probably have it. And then I had another baby in 2021. But I think maybe also the pregnancy was a lot on my body. But, yeah, after I gave birth to Theo, then at that time, I had a metaport, which I still have, and I was on one liter of fluids, and I was drinking about two gallons of water a day with a ton of salt, and I could still bear. And I was on medication to increase my blood pressure, and I could still barely get my systolic blood pressure above 100.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:24:48]:
Oh, my gosh. Yeah.
Stormie Carter [00:24:51]:
I don't know why I couldn't stay hydrated at all. And even. And I was so hot all the time, and I've gotten a lot better since then. And that was one of the things that I was so excited about, is this past winter, I was able to wear long sleeves, whereas last year, I could not at all. I would be outside in the 30 degree weather in short sleeves and still be hot.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:25:12]:
Oh, my gosh.
Stormie Carter [00:25:13]:
It was crazy. But I think I first started realizing there was a problem, or, you know, that maybe there was more to the story when I started learning more about pots, because, well, really, I have dysautonomia because I also have other symptoms besides pots, like the thermodylation and stuff. And I was, like, autonomy, like, as in your autonomic nervous system. And then that really got me thinking, like, okay, maybe there. Because that's responsible for so many things. And a lot of my problems, you know, are because of all of the issues with that and so last year, around that time, it might actually been the year before, is when I read the book the body keeps the score, because I had heard people talking about it, and I was like, yeah, I'm pretty sure there's probably a correlation, and. But I didn't really realize there was anything you could do about it. And I had done therapy off and on, but I would go and get a lot out of it, and then maybe, like, I would go for a few months and just get nothing out of it.
Stormie Carter [00:26:11]:
And I was like, this is just too expensive to spend a $100 every week for them. Like, I don't need to talk through it. That's my problem, is I just don't ever stop talking in my head.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:26:21]:
Yeah, like, I need you to tell.
Stormie Carter [00:26:23]:
Me what to do. That was, like, a big turning point for me. I was like, oh, somatic healing, bottom up. That's exactly what I need. It just made everything in my life make sense, because for so long, I knew I had a problem with intellectualizing things and not being in my body, and that's something that I really struggled with, and it was a coping mechanism, you know, but I didn't realize it at the time. It just seemed really hopeless until then. And then I was like, okay, let me tuck that back, you know? And then I kind of put it aside, and then I saw, like, some random person talking on Instagram about that somatic therapy had changed their life. And so a year ago is when, I'm sorry, about two years ago, I read the book, and then probably about a year ago is when I first started looking into it more, so I found somebody near me who is a somatic therapist.
Stormie Carter [00:27:14]:
Well, really, he's a regular therapist, but he just works as a coach now because there's just so much more you can do that, you know, bureaucracy, they won't let. And so that was really a blessing because I've been able to trade marketing services for it.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:27:30]:
Oh, cool.
Stormie Carter [00:27:31]:
Those things synchronistically that, like, lined up, that made it accessible to me. And so I started doing that, and really everything started changing. I was able to get off my antidepressant, which I'm not anti medication, but I had been feeling in my body for several years that I should get off it because I was having a lot of side effects. And I have treatment resistant depression. I probably tried antidepressants out there, antipsychotics, everything. And it's like, they'll work for a little while and then stop working. It's also a sign that I'm like, okay, it must be something else more than this. And one problem I had when I would get off of it is I would start having, you know, recurring thoughts of just, like, really defeating, limiting beliefs that would just cycle, and they would get worse and worse.
Stormie Carter [00:28:21]:
And it was like a huge aha moment for me whenever I, instead of getting spun up in those thoughts, was able to be like, that's interesting that you feel that way. What's going on in my body right now? Okay, I'm feeling this right here. Okay, well, it's okay that I feel that. Let me just sit with it, breathe through it. I see you. I love you. Like, it's so different than just getting so spun up in my thoughts. Well, of course I'm a failure.
Stormie Carter [00:28:48]:
No, you're not. Like, arguing. Oh, exhausting doing that.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:28:52]:
Yep.
Stormie Carter [00:28:53]:
You know, and really, anything, anytime things would get hard, I would have all of these thoughts that super unhelpful. And it was such a huge milestone for me to be able to just acknowledge those thoughts and acknowledge that they're there to protect me, but then to get back in my body and really like, okay, well, what am I feeling? And acknowledging and paying attention to my feelings. And I had tried to do that before, but I would be like, okay, well, I'm feeling sadness. I'm feeling disappointment. And with the therapist that I started seeing, he was like, no, those are emotions. Like, what are you physically feeling? That was nice, too, because how I would think before I'm feeling sadness. Well, is it sadness? No. Maybe it's more like disappointment.
Stormie Carter [00:29:39]:
Oh, maybe there's some anger in there.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:29:41]:
Yeah, mom.
Stormie Carter [00:29:44]:
Feeling like, you know, a big, blue, heavy ball, like, you can't really get in your thoughts too much about that. And so that's when things started changing for me. My symptoms started going away, and I started paying attention to what my body was telling me and then started listening to it. So before it might. I might would be having a feeling about things. Like, I was feeling like I shouldn't do my vintage anymore, but it was. That was my whole income, so that was really scary. So I would just kept pushing through it.
Stormie Carter [00:30:14]:
And then it got to a point where I was doing this, where I was like, okay, my body is physically filled with dread every week. And so I started listening to it. And so now that's something I try to do, is listen to my body more. And, like, if I have to pee, go up and go pee. Damn hungry. Eat. Whereas before I didn't do any of that, I would just. I was always just in my head.
Stormie Carter [00:30:38]:
I didn't even notice what my body was telling me.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:30:40]:
So I think everyone who's listening is probably agreeing and nodding their heads along with you because, I mean, essentially, that's what trauma does, right? It takes us out of our bodies because there are things happening outside of us that are making us feel not safe inside, or, you know, it's making us feel ashamed of thoughts and emotions we're having or feelings we're having. You know, there's. There's a. There's a reason we get disconnected, or we just have to have an outside focus because that's, like, we have to manage what's happening out here to survive. And so we don't, like, we don't exist. We just have to focus on the outside world. So there's a lot of reasons we disconnect from our bodies, but I think that is probably, like, a whole, like, the hallmark part of trauma is it takes us out of ourselves. It makes us behave and show up in the world in ways that are not connected and grounded and embodied and not, you know, in response to our natural needs, thoughts, inclinations, whatever.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:31:35]:
So then, as a natural result of that, we are in our heads, and the head, you know, runs the show. And thank God we have brains that keep working when we're not in our bodies, but still. Right? And so what you were describing with somatic therapy, I think, is really, really important. Like, there is that continuous need to disengage from the thinking brain. So when you start to get into the body and we'll know, what does it actually feel like? What is it? Actually, I just did this in a session with someone yesterday. And, you know, it's always so interesting what comes up, and it's like, well, it feels like a hockey puck. And it's, you know, like, it's. Sometimes it doesn't make any sense, but that's the point.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:32:11]:
Like, the brain has to, like, how do we get the brain disengaged? So you can just be with what's happening in your body? And I don't know how much you remember, but I think that the thing that people maybe want to hear about is, like, how long until you started seeing symptoms go away? And, like, what started to resolve? Was it obvious? Was it slow? Because I know for myself, it was like, I almost, like, didn't even realize things were shifting until, in retrospect, I was like, oh, like, I'm not married to the bathroom anymore, or I'm not having this, you know, like, these symptoms, they just sort of started to melt away. I think, obviously, that's what people are like, okay, so what does this look like? How does this. How long does it take? And what does it look like?
Stormie Carter [00:32:53]:
I think I started off with my therapist about eight months ago, and I started on your program probably, what, like, three months ago. And I would say it was pretty quick. For me, that is quick.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:33:03]:
I mean, eight months is very quick.
Stormie Carter [00:33:04]:
Yeah. Even though I have two toddlers now. So that is a lot of stress. Like, if I had didn't have that, I feel like I could work on myself a lot more. But I think that what I've realized now is the way that I felt so triggered by my kids was because of my experience in the hospital trying and giving, giving, giving, giving, and it's not enough and, like, drowning. And so one thing that my therapist works, has worked on with me is realizing when I'm dysregulated, but I'll, like, start talking and I'll get really spun up, and I'll start talking quicker and my voice gets higher and I'm like. And then I'm all, like, out here on the grand scheme of things. And it always like this because da da da.
Stormie Carter [00:33:47]:
And I'll be like, okay, Stormie, what color is my shirt? And then I'm, like, gray. And he, like, gives me back. And he's like, do you realize what's happening right now? You're getting dysregulated and you're way out here in the abstract and talking about, like, this is the way the world is. And it's like you, like, just come way down to, like, the most specific as possible and regulate. And so I've been really watching my, I guess, my stress levels and noticing if it gets above a four, stopping everything I'm doing, which is, of course, comes with a lot of privilege because most, you know, if you're working, you can't really always do that. But stopping what I'm doing, doing some, you know, deep parasympathetic breathing and slowing down. Because usually it's like, what I was doing before was like, I will be doing a bunch of stuff. Opals, you know, nagging me about something, you know, theo's like.
Stormie Carter [00:34:46]:
And I'm just, like, trying to give more and more and more and do more. Like, once I get everything settled, yeah, step back. And it's never due. Then I'm delayed it all day.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:34:56]:
Yep.
Stormie Carter [00:34:57]:
So that's been a huge thing for me. So about, I guess, eight months ago is when I started it. The more was just able to stay calm I was able to help my being hot all the time. I started noticing that I needed my pots medication less. And then I, I started noticing that it didn't help me really anymore and that so now I just drink water. And then I started noticing that I was like couldn't sleep at night and that I was kind of jittery throughout the day. And then I started noticing it was because my daytime narcolepsy med was too strong for me and I didn't need it anymore. And so it's weird because it was like it was causing so many side effects and then I was like, I took it away and nothing happened.
Stormie Carter [00:35:48]:
I was okay, wow. Before really sleepy if I didn't take it. So it was that this has all been like really recent. It's like the more that I'm working at it and really trying to be mindful of staying in my body and listening to what my body's telling me and like, the better everything is.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:36:10]:
Hi everyone. Doctor Erin here. So by now you're starting to get an idea of some of what the sacred illness paradigm is all about. The sacred illness paradigm is all about this question of what is your illness inviting you to become. What is it that lies within each of us that allows some of us to acquire so called spontaneous healing or remissions? And what is the key to unlocking that innate self healing capacity in each and every one of us? The sacred illness blueprint is something that I developed as a guide to help you walk through this process step by step to learn how to move deeper and deeper within yourself, to find these layers of dysregulation, of trauma, of limiting beliefs of things that you're holding within your system that are keeping you small, stuck and sick, ultimately, if we ignore the mind body connection and are not exploring the ways in which our nervous system continues to be dysregulated or in a chronic state of activation and stress, any healing modality that we put into our body from the outside in is going to be less effective, if not effective at all. So if you are currently feeling stuck, lost, confused or disillusioned in your healing journey, feeling like you have tried so many things, you have tried so many modalities, you have worked with so many providers, and you're just not seeing the results you want, know that this is normal. And of course you're not, because this foundational mind body connection is often, if not always, missed in all of these modalities. And just like we can't build a house on top of sand, our healing cannot grow and blossom and be strong and successful if the foundation is not laid first.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:37:47]:
So rather than doing something different, but similar to everything you have tried before and expecting different results, I encourage you to consider doing some something different altogether. This is where I invite you to explore the sacred illness group coaching program. This is a low cost monthly membership option that I have created. It's constantly open, constantly enrolling, where you can begin to explore this completely different way of engaging in your health, in your body, in your illness, and in your healing process. What is provided inside this group coaching program is the blueprint that lays the foundation and lays the path out for you to follow, to begin to explore these deeper aspects of health, to truly get at the root of what is causing your illness and from there, allowing all other modalities to blossom so that you can actually start to see the changes and the healing take place in your body that you have been expecting and wanting all along. If you're ready and want to learn more, head on over to aurorasomatic.com. and at the top of the screen, click on group coaching where you can read all about it and become a member. Today.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:38:46]:
I can't wait to see you on the inside. And for now, let's get back to the podcast.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:38:53]:
Something I was reflecting on, because I've had a few like cases, so to speak, of people coming in in one session and just having like a major shift in symptoms. And I think it just demonstrates how when we are just ready, you know, when things just start aligning and we just tune in and we're on the path, like things can start to click pretty quickly for people. Not always right? But, um, there's just something about that, like when things just start to line up and you really are doing the work, you're really listening to your body, you just, you just shift how you show up, right? And it sounds like that's really what has happened for you, is you got to that place, there was just something about that book and like the somatic awareness and you were just like, okay, yeah, there's like, this is the piece, right? And as soon as you clicked into that and have started to shift, I mean, it does, it comes back to the nervous system time and again. Like you said, it's in the name of pots or dysautonomia in general. Um, it's the, yeah, it's the body saying, you know, the nervous system is dysregulated, everything's going to be not functioning appropriately if that's the case. And so if you can come back to yourself. And that's my whole shtick, right, is talking about how symptoms are. It's like the siren call, except it's not trying to kill you, it's trying to bring you in for safety.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:40:07]:
It's like, come on in. Listen, listen, listen, because we don't. I've said this before, we don't listen when things are comfortable, you know, like there. It wouldn't make sense for the body to feel really good, to try to get our attention. That wouldn't work. And so symptoms get bigger and better, as we were saying earlier, they start to pile on top of each other. And it's interesting, too, sometimes when we finally find a treatment for one thing and then, like, another symptom or another thing can emerge because that. That the dysautonomia, the dysregulation in the nervous system is still there.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:40:41]:
And I was thinking about it today because I've been having back pain and I was thinking about how, like, I could go get a shot, right? And, like, cover up my pain and then I could keep working or whatever. And I've been seeing a chiropractor, and she's like, yeah, your pelvis is a mess. Like, we've got a lot of work to do here. And so if I were to take that shot, I would never need a chiropractor, so to speak, because I wouldn't feel anything. But, like, what kind of damage would I be doing if I kept walking and sitting and doing all the things, you know, doing all the things that I do on a daily basis? And that structural problem would still be there, but I wouldn't know. Right. And I think that's the, that's kind of the thing with chronic illnesses, we can. Or just symptoms, like, we can cover them up.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:41:21]:
And obviously, with narcolepsy and what you're doing, you're really demonstrating beautifully how it's this both and, like, there's a place for all of it. And to me, it's always about finding that balance between how do I support myself so that I'm functional and can actually just exist and get through my day and at the same time do this work that's supporting the underlying cause. If my back pain was debilitating, ten out of ten, I would probably consider getting some pain relief while I saw the chiropractor because she would still be able to feel the problem even if I didn't. But it's that both and combo, I think, that we miss so much, and then we wonder why, you know, ultimately, we just keep getting deeper into illness and deeper into other problems. Eventually, you know, and it creates this kind of spiral of, I'm taking meds for my meds, and I'm seeing this doctor and that doctor and a thousand doctors, and my whole life is now about, like, just keeping my body upright, you know? And it's not a life. It's not, you know, there's not a good quality of life with that.
Stormie Carter [00:42:20]:
Yeah, that was a big problem with me because I was seeing, like, find different specialists, and when they all want you to come back every three to six months, it's like, that's every week or two you're at the doctor's office, and for one, that gets so expensive, and for two, it's like, I just. It's not feasible with my schedule. I have two kids bringing them to. That's just. No, I was driving 2 hours away for one, 4 hours away for two other ones. And no, that's. I just can't.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:42:47]:
Right.
Stormie Carter [00:42:48]:
I think with my medicine, what I. What I think will probably eventually happen, it might take five years, who knows when? But I think that I'll start having some side effects from it, and I'll need to decrease my dose and decrease my dose as my body really is healing.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:43:05]:
Yeah.
Stormie Carter [00:43:06]:
Because it just has a lot, you know, it has a lot of work to do, like, healing wise, because. Yeah, and I think one thing that you were saying really struck me. How you were saying, like, once you start, it kind of snowballs. Because I think when you have chronic illness, you're used to having to try, like, just to survive. Like how I was saying with narcolepsy, drive, working two jobs, biking 10 miles a day, like, just giving everything you have just to really, like, live. And so it's like, in this work, here is a solution, and it's like, I'm putting that same amount of effort in, and it's actually helping things, and then it's just kind of like all, you know, happens.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:43:49]:
Yeah, it's interesting. It's almost like a. I can see it on either side. It's like when you pull, like, a thread, it's like it starts to undo this whole ball of yarn, you know? And that can be in the direction of illness, or it can be in the direction of healing, but it's like, once you get on that right thread or strand or whatever you want to say, like, it can start to unravel and open from there. And I'm curious because I'm always like, this is the part that I just love more. Than anything else is kind of like the underpinning of that mind body connection. And so I don't know if you've had any thoughts or revelations around that, but narcolepsy in general is so interesting to me. It's like.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:44:25]:
It's like depression times a thousand, right? Where it's just, like, shutting you down so intensely and, like, you know, to the point of being not functional. And, you know, like you said throughout your story, like, there's been so much stuff, like, so much happening, so many things. I mean, just in general, having two kids back to back, like, that's enough to make anyone tired. And then add on, like, the nursing job and the toxic environment of that and your childhood trauma, and, like, it's no wonder your system is like, and now we sleep, you know? So I don't know if that's part of what you've come to, like, feel in your body, but what is your sense of why your body is wanting you to shut down like that?
Stormie Carter [00:45:03]:
I don't know. I've been trying to figure that out after we kind of talked about it, and you showed me that thing in the book of what it said about that it can be a symptom of trying to escape, you know, which I definitely think that that is the case for me. But even. Also, I wanted to add as an aside, is that my narcolepsy is even better than it was even without my daytime med. Because before, even with my nighttime med, I was having to sleep about 10 hours a night. And now, lately, as of the past probably month or two, I've just been sleeping 8 hours a night, and I wake up fully refreshed, which this is all new for me. But as far as what's causing it, I'm not sure yet. I haven't.
Stormie Carter [00:45:43]:
Maybe that's just, like, a layer that I will eventually uncover. But it's kind of always in the back of my mind, like, looking for what's going on with it.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:45:52]:
Yeah. And it, you know, it's one of those things. I was just talking to someone yesterday about this, a one on one client. It's. The body is so incredible in that we don't necessarily have to know why. As long as we're listening to it and following its lead, that's often enough to release the physical component. And that is good news, especially for folks who sustained trauma in utero or pre memory, pre verbal type traumas. Because if we had to know what it was, then they would never be able to solve their problem.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:46:30]:
But the body keeps the score to bring it back to that title. It's such a beautiful and perfect title, because the body is always going to hold on to whatever it was. And that's why that cognitive piece is so not necessary, because the brain might remember it might not remember. It might have a clear, like, you might figure out, like, the why in that cognitive way, and you might not. But the. The, what you feel in your body, the sensations, the sensations that the emotions are bringing up, whatever that is, those body memories, those are going to be what lead you to what you need, you know? And there's always going to be that sense of, like, my body really wants this right now. Even the simple things, like you said, like going to the bathroom, drinking water, like feeding yourself when you're hungry, all of these ways that we are detached from ourselves and of course, our modern world. Like, I think about school kids who have bathroom breaks at certain times.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:47:24]:
We're like, from the get go, we're training kids to just disconnect from their bodies. And so there's just so many ways that our world is not conducive for this work. But I think it's more, more even more of a reason why my whole mission is to just get more and more people back in our bodies, because the more we do that, the more we realize, oh, this is why I feel so sick. Even if it's not chronic illness, there's still a price to be paid for being in our heads, being disconnected from our bodies. And that could just be anxiety or depression or little aches and pains or fatigue, these symptoms that are sometimes not big enough to go to the doctor for. Or we just drink coffee in the morning and then take a lavender or something at night to fall asleep. But I think it's still that overarching thing of the body keeps the score. It holds on to all these experiences that subconscious mind is constantly scanning and remembering and, like, making associations and causing certain things to happen in our bodies.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:48:25]:
And so it's this, like, invitation to come back, to have this intimate connection to ourselves. So it's. I mean, and I think your story also, again, kind of beautifully demonstrates how, like you said, you're like, I'm not quite sure, you know, what the, like, message of the narcolepsy is, so to speak, or whatever. I just know it's getting better as I listen to my body. And that's it, right? That's kind of the point of this work. I'm just excited to know you, because I feel like this is a really exciting part in your journey. I didn't realize it had only been eight months. Like, to me, that's pretty phenomenal.
Stormie Carter [00:48:55]:
It's crazy.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:48:56]:
Yeah. Yeah. Like, what did you say? This all started when you were 17. So to have. And how you're how old now?
Stormie Carter [00:49:03]:
32.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:49:04]:
Yeah. So I don't know. I can't do the math on that. But it's been a minute. Right? So. And you. So, like, that many years because I think we also have this story of, like, well, it took you this many years to get sick, so it's going to take you a long time to get better. But, like, eight months compared to that many years of illness, like, you can see that it really doesn't have to take years and years and years if you're doing the right underlying foundational stuff.
Stormie Carter [00:49:29]:
I also wanted to share about how it was really helpful working with my therapist one on one. But I really love your program, too, because it addresses chronic illness. And it's, like, so many people with chronic illness, we have tried everything. We have. We have been to the doctors. We have done everything where we have worked so hard just to, like, hold down a job, and we are struggling. And it's like, I love your program and I believe in it so much because it like, to go from how I was two years ago to where I was, like, on iv fluids, I could barely function. I was, like, giving everything I had to where I am today, where even if something goes wrong or if I feel like I'm having a flare up or something, like, I have the tools that I need.
Stormie Carter [00:50:19]:
It's so huge. And to be able to give that to people is so life changing. And I really like how it kind of starts at the foundation of really even educating and then goes through a bunch of things that I would have never even thought are related. But, like, I love all of the different activities. Like, really defining what your values are is an example where, like, really haven't necessarily thought that would be aligned but, like, really or not aligned but put in that course. But it was so helpful for me because it made a lot of other things make sense. And I feel like that's a lot of the keys that are in your program really help make sense of a lot of the different things in your life and then even how it kind of comes full circle, even the part, like, near towards the end of, like, clearing out things in your life then that aren't serving you and aren't part of the new you, basically, or, like, the healed version of yourself and really looking at where do I want to go in my life, because when we do heal before, it's like we're trying so hard just to survive. But then once we start healing, we have all this extra energy, we have more resources, we're capable of so much more.
Stormie Carter [00:51:32]:
And it's like, how do we want to use that? You know, what do I want my future to look like? And I think that for so many people with chronic illness that we're not even thinking about our future because we are so sick and just trying to make it through the day. So it's really life changing. So I just wanted to add that, too, that if anybody's listening to this that hasn't gone through your program, that they absolutely should, because it's really needed. It's. Yeah. The people with chronic illness, there's not a lot of hope out there. And so your program really provides hope. So I wanted to add that, too.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:52:06]:
Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah, I think that's a good point to think about, too, is that we are, when we are chronically ill, it's all encompassing and it's like the only thing we know is when the next appointment is. It's this very head down sort of existence. Right. Because there isn't. I know when I got diagnosed, my prognosis was like, you're going to have this forever. It's going to get worse.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:52:31]:
Yeah. They just laid out this path of a downhill, basically slope. It wasn't, you know, this is going to happen. You're going to get. And we know we talk about in the program and just in general, like, we know that those, what gets programmed in that subconscious matters. Right. So not only did I have my programming that was making me sick, then I had, on top of it, this programming that was coming in saying, you're going to be sick forever. And so part of the program is about giving that hope back and saying, your body can heal, you can, you know, there are options beyond what you're being told.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:53:04]:
And that whole, like, aligning your life to reflect that is a big piece of it, because as we say often in this work, you know, the person you were leading up to your illness, those were the thoughts, the beliefs, the conditions that allowed illness to arise. And so there's this, like, invitation to create a new life. What do you get rid of that no longer reflects who you are, who you're becoming? How do you, I mean, even you talking about the vintage clothing thing, like it was maybe seemingly like a small shift because like you said, it wasn't a ton of work per se but it just wasn't feeling, you know, it's those little micro changes we can make that have a huge impact on just freeing up our energy and our body to be who we are, to make space for who we really are and what really feels good in our body. So, so again, Stormie, thank you so much for being here. I know your story is going to resonate with so many people just because like we said, it's, it's your story and it's so many other people's stories, the experiences you've had, the things you've gone through. I relate to many of the points that you experienced. And so I just appreciate you coming on and sharing this with everyone because as I said to you at the beginning, before we started recording, the goal of this podcast is to give hope. It's to show people there is a different path.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:54:21]:
And that path is available now. You don't have to wait. You don't have to. There's not a lot of fancy stuff. It's your body, right? It's just learning how to be with your body and working with what's already in there. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:54:37]:
Thank you for being here today. And we'll have to have that episode about health at every size pretty soon.
Stormie Carter [00:54:43]:
Yeah, good. Thank you so much for having me.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:54:49]:
Thanks so much for tuning in to another episode of the sacred illness podcast. If you find this information shared here inspirational and educational, please share it with those you think would benefit from this work. To take this work deeper yourself, check out our website, www.aurorasomatic.com, where you can explore our coaching community and course options. And don't forget to subscribe to this channel where new content is coming out all the time intended to inspire, awaken and help you deepen your relationship with yourself, your life and your world.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:55:20]:
We'll see you next time.
