Stacey Waterbury [00:00:00]:
I have mast cell. I still treat myself that way. But this is my healing journey, and I realized how I can control my mast cells instead of my mast cells controlling me.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:00:12]:
So the big question is, we know spontaneous remissions and so called miracle cures exist. We also know they aren't so spontaneous after all. I'm living proof of this. Having cured my quote unquote incurable illness, there's something to how this happens to. So how do we as humans with chronic symptoms, tap into this so called miraculous healing capacity? That is the question, and this podcast will give you the answers. My name is Doctor Erin Hayford, and welcome to the sacred illness podcast. Before we begin today's episode, just my standard medical disclaimer. This podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:00:55]:
The content should not be consistent, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional regarding any medical concerns. Hi, everyone, and welcome to another episode of the Sacred Illness podcast. Today, I'm very excited to introduce our guest, Stacey Waterbury from North Carolina. She is going to be sharing with us her story about MCAS, which is short for mast cell activation syndrome. So we're gonna hear her story and how she has worked with this condition and how it has really opened up a door for her in her life and put her on a path that she probably wouldn't be on otherwise. Without further ado, thank you for being here, Stacey, thank you so much for being willing to come on here. And just so, for people who maybe don't know, can you maybe just give us a little bit of information about mcas and then we can take it from there with your story?
Stacey Waterbury [00:01:47]:
So, for mast cell activation disorder in your body, you have mast cells, and they're your protectors, and they protect you. So every time you. You get a cut or, you know, an injury, your mast cells come to your body to protect you and to help you to heal. And with mast cell activation disorder, it. They go a little haywire, for lack of a better way to explain it. They soldier up and they think everything is dangerous. Everything is a danger to your body. So as simple as, you know, a food, and you put it in your mouth, and your body's your.
Stacey Waterbury [00:02:26]:
The mast cells are like, oh, no, no, that's dangerous. And they come and they bring all sorts of things with them, including all different types of cells. There's so many. And it. And they just cause them to come in too many, basically. And you are. And once you start getting symptoms, so you maybe can't breathe because you know, the cytokines are just coming and you can't breathe, and then you're itching because the histamine is so high, and it just starts. It starts throwing all of this all at once in your body, and your body becomes allergic to life, basically.
Stacey Waterbury [00:02:58]:
So you are just allergic. Mast cells are so important in our health. They are really important, and this is not their job. Their job is not. Yes, their job is to keep you safe, but it's not. They're not to overdo it. You know, their job is not to come and cause such debilitating symptoms. And when you have something like mast cell activation disorder, they've gone haywire.
Stacey Waterbury [00:03:25]:
They've gone. They've lost their minds, basically, because they think that everything is dangerous. So it's a little bit more common now, but it wasn't common, and it wasn't something that I understood when it happened for me. And a lot of times with mast cell, when you have it, it's usually a trigger. So it's like a trigger. You'll have something will happen that will trigger this inside your body. So for me, it was a yellow jacket sting. So I was stung by a yellow jacket, and I had what you would call a delayed reaction.
Stacey Waterbury [00:04:01]:
And two days later, I was going into anaphylactic shock. And my sister. And this is. I don't recommend this to anybody, but my sister is allergic to bees, and they ended up having to stab me with her epi on the way to the hospital. So I've never been allergic. I wasn't allergic to anything growing up, nothing. I did have some underlying things, like, I would react to the sun sometimes, and that was a little bit like, as I was in my teenage years, and I have a tendency to get hives or get red in emotional reactions or if I'm nervous or anything like that. And come to find out, that's actually a mast cell, autonomic nervous system thing, you know, where you just start, I'll just break out in hives on my chest and my neck, and I flush really bad, which is also, you know, a mast cell thing.
Stacey Waterbury [00:04:49]:
So I would have those little things, like, before this happened, just little things. But when I got stung, that was what triggered it. Now, most people with mast cell, they. It came with a trigger. Most people can go backwards to figure out what triggered that. But at that time, that one trigger, it turns something on in your body, and your mast cells are literally. They're trying to protect you from everything. There's no.
Stacey Waterbury [00:05:13]:
There's nothing safe anymore. Like, nothing and it's very scary. It's very scary. And I, after I had gotten stung and went through that, after that, I just started having really strange symptoms. And I say to my husband, I'm like, do you see this rash on my neck? And he'd be like, mom looks a little red. And I'm like, no. Like, there's a rash. And I was really, like, dizzy, and, like, I would feel like, very brain fog.
Stacey Waterbury [00:05:39]:
Like, I couldn't get my words out. So these are all. You have mast cells. If we go back to what mast cells? You have them in every part of your body. Your brain, your heart. You have them everywhere, and they're in your whole body. So it's an all body syndrome, or whatever we want to call it, affects all parts of your body, and it's different for every single person. For one person, it may be more of a gastro issue, you know, where that it's really bad.
Stacey Waterbury [00:06:09]:
Another person, it could be, you know, where they get really bad migraines or, you know, brain fog. Some people, it's really just allergy symptoms. A lot of them, then it's really bad. But once it's triggered, it's just, you don't. You feel like you have no control, and you don't know what to do. You're just symptom after symptom after symptom. And I would just get these just strange things. I wasn't sleeping well, and that's not normal for me.
Stacey Waterbury [00:06:35]:
And I was, you know, not being able to control my body temperature, that was so strange. So I want to. Oh, I wanted to mention this. So my sister, my oldest sister, she had similar issues. She didn't live where I lived at that time. She lived in a different state, and she had similar issues, but we didn't really know the whole story with her. And she had. She was.
Stacey Waterbury [00:06:57]:
Nobody knew what was wrong with her, and they told her that she had histamine intolerance, which I know that you're familiar with that also, and most of your people that will be watching that will be familiar with this. So at. At first, I was like, my sister's like, you probably just have histamine intolerance. And I was like, well, what is that? You know, what does that mean? And she's like, you just have to cut out all histamine. You know, you have to watch what you're eating. You have to take all these medicines. And I was like, I don't know. I just.
Stacey Waterbury [00:07:22]:
I'm not really one to want to do stuff like that. And I was like, no, I'll just figure it out. I'll just figure it out. So a year goes by, and I'm just. I feel like I have no control, but it's nothing. This was only the first part. And a year later, I was picking up a towel, and there was a yellow jacket on it, and it stung me in my belly. Oh, gosh.
Stacey Waterbury [00:07:43]:
And I went into anaphylactic shock. Had to be hit with an epipen again. And at that time, I did end up getting epipens. My. I saw a physician's assistant. He. And he didn't really know anything about this, but he was really willing to listen to what I had to say. And he learned alongside with, like, with me, and he allowed me to make decisions and, like, gave him thoughts, and he would.
Stacey Waterbury [00:08:07]:
So I actually have a different experience than a lot of people. Yeah, a lot of people. And to this day, he's still like, I don't know, but I trust you. Like, and that's a beautiful thing, but. So, anyways, I got stung again, and that was. That was it for me. That was when it flipped into everything. I was eating only five foods.
Stacey Waterbury [00:08:29]:
I couldn't breathe air. Sometimes I couldn't. It's. It's a little emotional when you think about it, because it was just like, everything that I knew just. It just was taken away, you know? And it seems so silly sometimes. And I think about it, I'm like, oh, it's. You know, it's food, you know, Stacey. But it didn't take away just food.
Stacey Waterbury [00:08:49]:
It took away everything I didn't want. I couldn't go into people's houses sometimes. I couldn't. You know, like, we. I live on land with my whole family, actually, and my sisters are all there, and we would cook for each other, and so nobody knew how to feed me. And then when they would try, I would react, and people would feel bad, and then I'd have to go home, and I would. I was basically eating Benadryl. Like, it was like, that's all that I could do to feel okay to function.
Stacey Waterbury [00:09:17]:
My doctor or my physician's assistant, he. After doing some research, he had told me about doing, uh, taking. Taking Zyrtec and pepcid together, and then take Benadryl if you need it. So, like, because this is your typical. If you were to look up mast cell, like, what do you do? And you can find the list of what you take, you know, and all those medicines. And I was desperate. Like, I have never, like, my daughter, our daughter, was. My son wasn't.
Stacey Waterbury [00:09:43]:
He's older, and he's in Alaska. And my daughter was 16 at that time, and she basically. It was like she lost her mom in that moment, too, because I just. All of a sudden, I couldn't. It was just. It was awful. It was awful. And so I was desperate to feel better, and so I was taking these medicines, and I was just taking Benadryl.
Stacey Waterbury [00:10:02]:
It was the only way I can function. I just thought, this is my life now. There's nothing out there that tells you anything else. You go into these groups and not. I'm not at all giving a hard time about them. I don't mean it in a negative way, but for me, it was just a lot of stories of, like, the medicine that they take and how their life is just. It's awful, and how this. And I react to that.
Stacey Waterbury [00:10:24]:
You know, there was just so much of this, and I was like, it's over for me. Like, it's over. What do I do from here? Like, where do I go from here? It's just. And when you have. When you have mast cell activation, you also. It affects your mental health, your mast cells. Now, we talked. I mentioned they're in your brain and all of that, but it causes, like, anxiety, extreme anxiety.
Stacey Waterbury [00:10:48]:
And there's moments of, like, feeling, like, almost like a rage inside of you, like this, like, and you don't know why. I was never that person, you know? You know, Stacy's the good girl. She's the quiet girl, she's the kind girl, she's the sweet girl. And all of a sudden, there was none of that. It was, Stacey is sick. Stacy is frustrated, anxious. I just. Everything that I was trying to figure out just kept telling me that this is how it's going to be.
Stacey Waterbury [00:11:13]:
Like, I didn't hear how people healed it, and you would see these little blips. Now, I use the word healed, but I'm going to use that in a. Like, I have mast cell. I still treat myself that way, but this is my healing journey, and I realized how I can control my mast cells instead of my mast cells controlling me, you know, so it's. It's not like you'll hear some of those stories, and somebody's like, oh, I took just black seed oil, and it's gone, and I get it, but that's not, you know, like, there's just all these different things out there, and I just don't know. But I didn't give up. I became obsessive a little bit about it because I like, to figure things out. I want to know.
Stacey Waterbury [00:11:55]:
And my family is the same way. And I have three sisters and they are very much that way. And my baby sister, I mean, she's not a baby, but she just, she was so helpful in, like, really, like, figuring things out. And so I went on a low histamine diet. I changed my environment completely. I had cleared the air that I breathe in my own house. I no longer used any certain types of things on my body because I would react to that anyways. But as I was doing all of these things, I was realizing also how, how, how important it is for your health to not poison yourself and, you know, like, with these products or even the air, like, what you're cleaning in your house.
Stacey Waterbury [00:12:40]:
So I started there, and that's why I started cleaning up my environment. And then I was eating a low histamine diet, which, if I could go back, I would have started with my mental health first. I would have started with dealing with my trauma. All these things that I did helped. They helped. I won't say they didn't they helped, but I would have started with my trauma. I would have dealt with my nervous system. I knew what then, what I know now, I would have started there because all these things, you know, and I'm still taking the medicine, so that's masking everything.
Stacey Waterbury [00:13:14]:
At one point in time, I put on clothes that I didn't wash, that were brand new. I went into an anaphylactic shock and had to be, wow, like, that's my body. Anything that touched my skin, it was so bad. I started with the whole, like, diet. I did all the things. Everything I read, I did them all. And I, uh, I could function and I was functioning better in life, but I wasn't. It just felt like I was just band aiding everything, and it just didn't feel like the answer.
Stacey Waterbury [00:13:41]:
There had to be more, you know? Right. So there has to be more to this. Like, I. I can't. This can't be, you know, like, I have to figure this out. There's something came up about a program about dealing with trauma. So I was. I was like, maybe I'm just going to try something different.
Stacey Waterbury [00:13:59]:
So I did start that. And I was like, this is a lot, you know, it's your emotions and you're thinking and feeling about, oh, gosh, like, that was triggering to me.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:14:09]:
Yeah.
Stacey Waterbury [00:14:09]:
And I did. It didn't feel good. You know, my daughter, actually, she came to me one day and she told me that she wasn't okay and that she wanted to go to therapy. And I told her, you're fine, because that's what I've always told myself. So it took me like ten minutes in my head to go, what you just do? What did you just do? She's not fine. And you are not fine, Stacey. You're not fine. You've told yourself that your whole life, but you're not fine.
Stacey Waterbury [00:14:42]:
And that was very uncomfortable for me to, like, admit that and then to. I give. I give her a lot of credit. My daughter and I have done a lot of healing when it comes to that with my children because of realizing how I've stuffed everything down. So I needed my kids to do the same. If they were on here, they'd be like, she's great. She's a great mom, but you have to, you know, you know, there's. I'm still.
Stacey Waterbury [00:15:08]:
Yes, I'm human and all of those things, but I see what I did, you know, like, we're just fine, you know, and you ignore everything. Getting sick made me realize that I can't do that anymore. And I didn't realized that's where my answers actually lied.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:15:23]:
Hey, sacred illness listeners. Doctor Erin here. I'm quickly interrupting today's episode to put out the invitation to you or anyone you know who has a chronic illness or chronic symptoms that would like to come onto the podcast and share your story. Our goal is to invite folks onto the show who have worked with Mindbody's medicine modalities and noticed an improvement or even a complete resolution of symptoms using this potent medicine. If this describes you, check the link in the show notes below. That will take you to a quick application to fill out that will give us some information about who you are, what your story is, and we'll take it from there. And again, if you know anyone who might also fit this description or like to come onto our show, please feel free to share the link with them as well. All right, let's get back to the episode.
Stacey Waterbury [00:16:05]:
I started therapy. That was just the start. And I was trying to kind of do that program thing and I got turned on to Doctor Levine. Then it was game on from there. I was like, okay, I need to know. So I got certified as trauma informed certification for nervous system regulation because I was like, I'm going to learn. I'm learning from these amazing doctor Ariel Schwartz, who is just amazing and learning about my vagus nerve. And it was just.
Stacey Waterbury [00:16:37]:
It gives me the chills every time I think about it. How did I not know this? How did I not know this? But I chose not to know it. I didn't want to deal with anything. And I'm, like a super spiritual person, you know, use the quotes. But I realized that my spiritual journey only held me back, actually, because there was a lot of that spiritual bypassing, you know, and then there was a lot of shaming, like, oh, you know, because positive thoughts bring positive. You know, it has its place. I'm still that person. But I also realized that I was almost gaslighting myself.
Stacey Waterbury [00:17:14]:
Like, what are you doing wrong, Stacey? What did you. You must be doing something wrong. You're not being positive enough. You're not, you know, meditating enough or, you know, doing your mantras. Did you do your mantras today? You know, oh, no. Only healthy, happy thoughts. You know, there was. There's.
Stacey Waterbury [00:17:29]:
There's actually some trauma in that, too. And I just realized that I just had to get real. I actually had to be real, and I had to be truthful. And that truth was pretty ugly. It was. Gets me every time. You can't ignore things. They're always going to be there, and they're going to come out somewhere.
Stacey Waterbury [00:17:50]:
May it be sickness. May it be that your body thinks the whole world is dangerous because you've lived in fight or flight mode your whole entire life. My whole entire life, you know, like, my whole entire life. How can. How can your body keep up without finally going, okay? You know, it's like, okay. And then. Then I was just sick, and I was. It.
Stacey Waterbury [00:18:11]:
My body literally thought everything was dangerous. And I. As I was learning and I got, you know, I took all these courses, and I was doing this, I realized, I was like, this is my nervous system. This is my autonomic nervous. This is my nervous system. You know? Yes, it's my mast cells, but it's my nervous system. You know, I'm like, oh, I have the answers, you know? But I didn't. I didn't realize at first.
Stacey Waterbury [00:18:36]:
I thought, oh, come on to therapy, you know, and then I'll do some of these things, you know, put your feet on the ground, ground yourself, do these breaths, you know, all these voos and all of that kind of stuff. And they all have their place, and they've done wonderful things for me. But I still just don't think I was getting as real as I needed to. You know, like, I wasn't actually shining that light on the truth of what it was, because my body, you know, you can't. You just have to. And so with therapy, it's great, you know, you're talking about it, and all of this stuff. But there was something more that I was missing, and I. And I knew that, so I didn't.
Stacey Waterbury [00:19:11]:
I didn't give up. I continued on my path. I continued to work with my nervous system and my vagus nerve, and I could see these little shifts. Four years ago in August. So almost four years ago, my husband, he had a brain aneurysm, and I was on my healing journey. I was in therapy. I was learning all these things. I was so excited.
Stacey Waterbury [00:19:34]:
I was like, I'm going to be healing. I'm going to do this. Look at me. So proud of myself. I didn't know that it could get worse if we were to talk about my trauma growing up. But when I went through with my husband, he wasn't supposed to make it, you know, and it was. It was, it's. It was very hard, and we were just.
Stacey Waterbury [00:19:59]:
We were at doing some work at somebody's house because my husband and my brother in law had a business, and he just fell over, and my sister and I were there, and we didn't know what was happening. And he had an aneurysm in the back of his head where his basal artery comes up, and it's the worst place you can have it. And it was our wedding anniversary, and he was going to survive. This is Covid time. They actually made an exception and let me stay with them because they didn't think he'd live through the night. And that was a month's journey of being in the hospital with him and him not being the same person that I married. I wasn't sure if he ever would be again. And everything that I was working towards and working on, it just.
Stacey Waterbury [00:20:43]:
It was gone. It was gone. There was no more of that. There was no more of that because I just had to take care of my husband, and I just had to figure out how to take care of my family, and I had to figure out what was I going to do. You know, this man who was so big and strong and my everything and our everything, who took care of our family is now, you know, disabled and just can't, you know, like in the beginning, he couldn't be left alone, you know, it was just very traumatizing event. You know, it's really hard to grieve somebody that's with you every day, you know, that's a different kind of grief. So I did what I always done all my life is I stuffed it all down because you have to be grateful. How many times somebody told me, you know, oh, you're.
Stacey Waterbury [00:21:30]:
You know, be grateful he's alive. So I must not be. I can't feel anything else, you know, like, don't feel anything else, Stacey. Don't. Just be grateful, you know, just keep moving and you just stuff it down. And I just had to keep going, and I just. Anyways, that doesn't work. No, no.
Stacey Waterbury [00:21:49]:
And so my nervous system got a little crazier after that, and the dysfunction of my autonomic nervous system got so extreme. And it was to the point where my heart. I'd just be sitting there and my heart would go up to 200 in 2 seconds. Wow. Just like that. And I shake and rattle. I couldn't control my body temperature. I would just.
Stacey Waterbury [00:22:10]:
I was just so, so, like, dizzy. There was just. I would stand up out of bed and all of a sudden my heart would just shoot right up. And then. And here we are, you know, again, in the situation of. You don't want to deal with this. Yep. So you go to the doctors, and even my most understanding doctor or physician's assistant, who was so amazing, you know, it was a lot of, like, he had so much empathy because John was also his.
Stacey Waterbury [00:22:38]:
My husband is John and was his patient, so he knew, and he had so much empathy for me, but it was. You're having panic attacks. Rightfully so. Right. What I'm dealing with. But why would I be having these? And I'm not feeling panicked in that moment. Why is my heart just going crazy? Why am I now reacting again to things? Why am I to. Why can't I control my body temperature? Why can't it just.
Stacey Waterbury [00:23:02]:
It was bad. And there was times where I just would sit there and I'd think, is this it? Like, I couldn't think that my. Like, I couldn't fathom that my body wasn't giving out on me by the way that I felt. I was so consumed with wanting to be a good caregiver or be a good wife. And my kids are a mess, and we've. You know, you feel so much loss, so consumed by that. Like, I couldn't stop for a second and turn around and be like, Stacey, you know, you know what you've learned. You know, this is trauma.
Stacey Waterbury [00:23:32]:
This is, you know, like, I couldn't find my way back to that for a minute in my body. What does your body do? You know, your body keeps score. We know that. You know, your body is going to there. It's your symptoms or messages, you know, we know that. And it was really hard for me to. It felt like it was the most inconvenient thing in the world, too. I'm like, what are you doing? Like, we can't do this.
Stacey Waterbury [00:23:53]:
Like, John needs me, you know, my kids need me, my life needs me. I have to figure everything out. And I'm living in that place of, like, just. I gotta keep going, you know? And I would. I would come to work where I was homeschooling some people that I know, their kids, and they were so great about it. But there was days where even here, like, where they had to be home with me and watch me, because, like, my heart would just do crazy things and I would be rattling and shaking and I couldn't breathe, and I was like, I can't. This can't be happening. I need to take care of my family.
Stacey Waterbury [00:24:27]:
So I could not get that rational thought. I couldn't come out of that place to say, hey, hey, hey, we need to stop for a second. You know, we have to. You got to get back to doing the work, you know, and you have to matter, you know, that's a huge thing. Like, I had. I have to matter, like, my health, and I have to. I have to matter. So it got really bad, and then I was like, I'm not going to do this anymore.
Stacey Waterbury [00:24:52]:
And then I just had that moment. But at going to the doctors, a lot of it was like, panic attack, panic attack, panic, you know? And I'm like, I get that. What I've been through. And I know, I know I have anxiety. I've had anxiety since I was a child. You know, I know what anxiety is. I do. This is not anxiety.
Stacey Waterbury [00:25:09]:
This is not. Yes, I'm anxious because I don't feel well, just because, you know, my husband had a brain aneurysm and everything I've been through, but that's not the end all. That's not the answer to everything. There's something more. And then I said, I'm a. You're going to do this, Stacey. My physician's assistant actually said to me the other day on another note, he said to me, I'm in awe of you, Stacey. And he said, and just so you know, he said, you did this.
Stacey Waterbury [00:25:34]:
Even, like, with me being sick and, like, with my husband and all of this, he says, you're, like, he said, you did this. You know, you're where you are today because you did this. You know, like, just didn't give up. Like, he was just. And I think he was just trying to remind me that I had this strength. Like, I could keep doing this, and I can matter, and I can do this. You know, there's a lot of years crunched into that, but there was a lot of. I just.
Stacey Waterbury [00:25:59]:
I felt so lost after what happened with my husband. And I just didn't know if I could. I just didn't know if I could do it, if I could give myself what I needed because, I don't know, I just felt like I couldn't. And then I realized I just couldn't stay the way it was. It wasn't working. And I had to got back to it and got to work. And I did all the things and I worked and I did some Emdr therapy. I.
Stacey Waterbury [00:26:26]:
My therapist is amazing, and I. One of the biggest things that I actually contribute is I tap itap I've been tapping consistently for two years now, over two years. And to me, it's been a lifesaver. Tapping has brought such calm to my body and has. I don't. It's just really worked with my nervous system. I tell everybody all the time, like, you should tap. You know, you should tap.
Stacey Waterbury [00:26:56]:
But I did do those two things were super helpful. And I was. My therapist that I see now is she just. I touched on the things that I needed to touch on that we don't. And I shine light on a lot of things that I refuse to look at and see, because if I did, then that made them real. And when that becomes real, what does that look like? Was my life a sham? You know, did I was living in this fantasy world? You know, or somehow was I going to lose everything I had or my family? And as dramatic as that sounds, like the thought of touching on touching your trauma or going backwards, you know, to really see what shaped who you are today and what affected you. And I did that. And that was hard.
Stacey Waterbury [00:27:48]:
That was so hard. And with that tapping, doing nervous system regulation exercises, learning to listen to my body come back into my body, you know, like, just be. I don't think I've ever been in my body before. Like, I don't. I honestly don't think. I think I lived outside of my body, you know, like, I never just. I never, like, loved and cared for it the way it deserved because I don't think I ever thought that I was deserving of that, you know? And when you. When you.
Stacey Waterbury [00:28:18]:
You grow up, we all have trauma, right? I mean, I don't. I think there's a lot of people. Most people have some kind of trauma, agree, because trauma can be so small. It's still real. People like, ah, that's nothing, but it affects us, you know, but we can't just, like, ignore it, you know? Like, we can't ignore it. We have to bring it to light so that your body knows. You have to show your body that it's safe. You can't tell it.
Stacey Waterbury [00:28:44]:
Yes, tell it, please. You know, like, also do that, you know, because I do tell myself, you know, like, I'm like, if I'm having moments, I'm like, before I came on here, you know, I tapped a little and I'm like, I am safe, you know, reminding my body that, hey, we're here, you're safe. You know, it's okay. So. But you have to show it. You have to show your body and you have to go back inside your body, and you have to let your nervous system know that, no, that's not dangerous over there. No, that's not true. Because, you know, there's so many stories that we've created in our bodies or nervous system, and those stories aren't true.
Stacey Waterbury [00:29:23]:
Your nervous system's job is to protect you. It doesn't go with all the anything else. It's just protect you and it. Everything that you've been through, your trauma, it marks you. It's like a wound, I think doctor gabor, mate, right, he says how it's more of a psychic wound where as you're growing and you're going, it's touched and it will be aggravated and you're triggered and you really have to heal those wounds. But how do you heal a wound if you're ignoring it all your life or you're pretending it's not there? You're telling yourself, just, you're fine, you know? That's. Stacey, you're fine, Stacey, you're fine. You know, buck it up.
Stacey Waterbury [00:30:01]:
You know, like, nope, there's no time for you. I lived in a world where it was like, I tried to, like, micromanage and control everything around me. I was everybody's somebody because that's what filled my cup, because I felt so empty inside and so disconnected from myself. And that's, you know, I just. That's how I live my life.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:30:26]:
Hi, everyone. Doctor Erin here. So by now you're starting to get an idea of some of what the sacred illness paradigm is all about. The sacred illness paradigm is all about this question of what is your illness inviting you to become. What is it that lies within each of us that allows some of us to acquire so called spontaneous healing or remissions? And what is the key to unlocking that innate self healing capacity in each and every one of us? The sacred illness blueprint is something that I developed as a guide to help you walk through this process step by step to learn how to move deeper and deeper within yourself, to find these layers of dysregulation, of trauma, of limiting beliefs of things that you're holding within your system that are keeping you small, stuck and sick. Ultimately, if we ignore the mind body connection and are not exploring the ways in which our nervous system continues to be dysregulated or in a chronic state of activation and stress, any healing modality that we put into our body from the outside in is going to be less effective, if not effective at all. If you are currently feeling stuck, lost, confused or disillusioned in your healing journey, feeling like you have tried so many things, you have tried so many modalities, you have worked with so many providers, and you're just not seeing the results you want, know that this is normal. And of course you're not, because this foundational mind body connection is often, if not always, missed in all of these modalities.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:31:52]:
And just like we can't build a house on top of sand, our healing cannot grow and blossom and be strong and successful if the foundation is not laid first. So rather than doing something different, but similar to everything you have tried before and expecting different results, I encourage you to consider doing something different altogether. This is where I invite you to explore the sacred Illness group coaching program. This is a low cost monthly membership option that I have created. It's kind constantly open, constantly enrolling where you can begin to explore this completely different way of engaging in your health, in your body, in your illness and in your healing process. What is provided inside this group coaching program is the blueprint that lays the foundation and lays the path out for you to follow, to begin to explore these deeper aspects of health, to truly get at the root of what is causing your illness and from there, allowing all other modalities to blossom so that you can actually start to see the changes and the healing take place in your body that you have been expecting and wanting all along. If you're ready and want to learn more, head on over to aurorasomatic.com and at the top of the screen, click on group coaching where you can read all about it and become a member. Today.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:33:01]:
I can't wait to see you on the inside. And for now, let's get back to the podcast.
Stacey Waterbury [00:33:08]:
There's so much grief, right? I never allowed myself to grieve and I never allowed myself to grieve my childhood or, you know, my absent mother or my innocence as a child, you know, due to family members, you know, I didn't allow myself any of that. I gave everybody excuses. Oh, well, they. They've been through a lot. They've. But did I give myself any of that? No. No. It was like you.
Stacey Waterbury [00:33:36]:
You just keep going, keep going. Stay quiet, stay small, and just be there for everybody else, you know, and you don't realize it until you have to. So what did sickness bring brought me to today? Was there gifts in that? Yeah. Do I wish I didn't have to go through that? Yes. But here I am, right? And I am, I would say, about over 18 months of really good. Really good with the mass cell thing. Really good. And what can I say is the one thing that I did is I dealt with my trauma and I dealt with my nervous system and I went inside for the first time and I touched all those places inside me and, you know, I did the, you know, shadow work, if that's what we want to call it, or I met with my little girl, you know, and I find myself constantly, you know, like, tell my therapist all the time.
Stacey Waterbury [00:34:37]:
It's like I just kneel down sometimes when I'm having those moments and I can see me young, you know, and just put my hands on her arms and just let her know, you know, like, you're okay. It's okay. And by loving myself and loving my body, tell, like, I trust my body. I never trusted anybody. Not in my body, not myself. I tell my body all the time or when I'm tapping or something. Like, I trust you. I trust my body.
Stacey Waterbury [00:35:01]:
I trust you to do what I need. And even when things go wrong or if I start feeling something, it doesn't turn into that catastrophic thinking or that alarm, like, oh, no, everything's going to go wrong again. It's like, okay, let's come back. Come back, you know, like, where are we right now? What can I do for you, Stacey? You know, like, what can I do for you? And honestly, it doesn't mean that every day is a great day. I don't. You know, especially when you're dealing with trauma. You know, I have PTSD from what happened as a child. Come to find out.
Stacey Waterbury [00:35:34]:
But also what happened with John. It's a huge one. So it is. I still have moments where, you know, it's hard, but once I learned how to love myself and my body and learn about my nervous system, it's not these. I'm not rattling on the ground and shaking. I'm not. My heart's not at 200 and I can't control my body temperature. I'm not breaking out in hives, you know, all over the place.
Stacey Waterbury [00:36:04]:
I'm not, like, can't take in a deep breath, like, I'm not having those moments anymore. And I honestly, I just contributed to my nerve system regulation, and I feel like it's such a gift that needs to be given to so many people, and you don't even have to have chronic illness. I'm just. I just wish that you could just sprinkle it for everybody and just be, like, here, just this now, because you don't want to be, you know, here. Being sick is awful. It's awful. And I blamed myself. I shamed myself.
Stacey Waterbury [00:36:38]:
I didn't think, you know, and, like, I said that whole spiritual bypassing thing, like, it was like, you know, you must not be thinking so positive or, you know, what did you do? You know, like. And then I just realized that I just have to love myself and my body, and I have to let my body know it's safe in this world. And I have some days where I still don't feel safe, but I know it, and I feel it. I allow it, and I allow my feelings, good or bad. And it's just. It's been quite, quite a journey, one that I can say that I'm, you know, have more gratitude and I'm thankful for now. Sometimes it was hard because it felt like such a punishment, even what happened with my husband. It's like, why? You know, at that point, I'm just looking to the universe, and I'm like, come on.
Stacey Waterbury [00:37:23]:
You got to be kidding me. This is a joke. You know, like, the whole. And then people say to you, oh, you don't. You're not given more than you can handle. Yeah. Oh, God. You know, like, please and anybody, like, I couldn't handle people saying stuff like that to me.
Stacey Waterbury [00:37:37]:
And then I realized through therapy and emdr work and just doing my work is that I can have all these feelings and I can feel them all, and they're not. They're not bad. Like, I actually got angry. My therapist loves when I get angry, but she's like. She's like, it's needed because I thought it was such a bad thing, you know, growing up with so much of that, or, you know, like, it was just a bad thing. Don't get angry. Don't. You know, and I found healing, and when I was just like, you know, like, I said, like, universe, what? Come on.
Stacey Waterbury [00:38:11]:
Really? You know, and being frustrated about something or feeling angry that I lost some stuff that I feel maybe I just. I wish that I didn't, you know, or like, I wish there's some things I just. They were pretty awful and I pretended that they didn't exist or I gave excuses for people. And then I realized that I could do all of this and I can still be the same person that I always was, you know, this loving and kind person, but with boundaries and that same loving kindness for myself.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:38:44]:
Thanks so much for tuning in to another episode of the Sacred Illness podcast. If you find this information shared here, inspirational and educational, please share it with those you think would benefit from this work. To take this work deeper yourself, check out our website, www.aurorasomatic.com, where you can explore our coaching community and course options. And don't forget to subscribe to this channel where new content is coming out all the time intended to inspire, awaken and help you deepen your relationship with yourself, your life and your world. We'll see you next time.
