Kimberly Sleeth [00:00:00]:
Within two days, I was different. My heart calmed down. My gut issues were majorly resolved. Like, I still had what I would call episodes, you know, like, from time to time. But it's like something flipped. And it was like, my mind was like, you know what? You don't have to be sick. It was like that what I was saying earlier, in those moments when I'm under a lot of stress, my body says, you need to be sick so someone can take care of you. You need to be taken care of.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:00:31]:
And this is the only way you're going to get taken care of is if you're sick. And that's when I realized that, that point. And I was like, no, I can take care of myself. Like, I'm okay. I don't need this illness. And whatever, like, almost every problem that I've experienced that had me so, so sick was gone.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:00:53]:
So the big question is, we know spontaneous remissions and so called miracle cures exist. We also know they aren't so spontaneous after all. I'm living proof of this. Having cured my quote unquote incurable illness, there's something to how this happens. So how do we as humans with chronic symptoms, tap into this so called miraculous healing capacity? That is the question, and this podcast will give you the answers. My name is Doctor Erin Hayford, and welcome to the Sacred Illness podcast. Before we begin today's episode, just my standard medical disclaimer. This podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:01:35]:
The content should not be considered a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional regarding any medical concerns. Hi, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the Sacred Illness podcast. I'm so excited to have another guest on today, Kimberly Sleith, coming from Memphis, and she's going to share with us her story of Epstein Barr virus and IB's and anxiety. And I'm excited for this episode because these are really, really common diagnoses. I know when I was practicing more traditional naturopathic medicine, I feel like everyone had those kind of cluster of symptoms and diagnoses. It's just so common and yet also hard to get diagnosed, hard to work with. Cause IB's is one of those diagnoses that's like, you've got these symptoms, we don't know why kind of dia, you know, so it's really hard to work with sometimes for patients, depending on the care they're getting.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:02:28]:
So, anyway, I'm just really excited to hear Kimberly's story where she's at in her IB's journey, how she's working with that, and how she's continuing to find relief. So welcome, Kimberly. Thanks so much for being here today.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:02:39]:
Thank you for having me. I guess I'll start with the fact that growing up, I was always the sensitive kidde. Of course, we didn't know back then what being highly sensitive was. And so it just sort of seemed like I always had some sort of problem, whether it was physically or mentally. I grew up having all kinds of random health issues, like terrible eczema, sinus infections, utis, fungal issues. It just seemed like I always had some problem. And I was on antibiotic after antibiotic, and I, again, back in the eighties, nineties, no one knew that that was not a good thing. I was always very emotional and in tune with very, very strong feelings, and I expressed them very strongly.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:03:25]:
And I think people around me did not know how to deal with that. It was sort of a time period where it was like, what's wrong with this child? You know? And I think that really, you know, having been feeling different from everyone else made me feel like I wasn't good enough. There was always something wrong with me. And I sort of lived in this headspace of always trying to fit in and sort of stifle who I really was. And there was a lot of negativity toward my emotions and things like that. And I feel like growing up, I had, like, chronic tummy aches. Of course, now I realize I just. I really needed validation.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:04:11]:
I really needed, like, to be cared for emotionally. And it was sort of manifesting as physical symptoms. When my parents got divorced, I wound up with an episode of gastritis, and I was only six or seven at the time. And I remember a particular caregiver who took very good care of me during that time. They held me, they rocked me. And, like, I remember that so vividly because that's what I needed. I needed that deep care. And so from that point on, it took me many years to make this connection, but I feel like my body decided that when I was ill, I could get the care that I needed.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:04:55]:
I could get that emotional attention and everything else. And so I would often be sick, or I would pretend to be sick just because I wanted to, like, stay with mom. I feel like at a young age, my body sort of took on this. Being sick means getting your needs met. And once I hit high school, I would get what the doctor would call flu like, viruses. Like, every couple of months, I would have a flu like virus, and there was no real diagnosis there. And now, I think that it may have been ebv or something like that, but I did wind up getting full on mono. I think I was 15 or 16, and that took a good six weeks or so to get rid of.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:05:39]:
After about the age of 16, stuff just started to happen in my life. A lot of trauma, a lot of really bad decisions based on emotional, like, trying to get emotional things. My life just started to become really, really stressful as a child. I was also diagnosed with trichotillomania and anxiety. And back in that time period that neither of those were well known, it seemed like nobody else around me had anxiety. You know, it was kind of. I was kind of ostracized, like, oh, what's wrong with you? And the psychologists and psychiatrists that I saw were very, very old school, basic, like, you know, here's a pill, or you just need to do this or whatever. So I think, you know, I suffered from many different types of anxiety, including very strong social anxiety, until my early thirties.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:06:36]:
And at which point I realized for some reason, it just clicked that, like, I was no different from anybody else. You know, everybody else wasn't better than me. And so that just, like, flipped a switch, and my social anxiety was gone. I started to. I think social media helped. I started to see people who had the same struggles I did, who had the same thoughts and whatever, and I was like, wait a second. I'm not the only person who's just masking and pretending like I'm normal. And so that really helped me a lot, but I don't think I received.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:07:08]:
Basically, I did my own healing. I can't remember anyone else really helping me work through those things. So I had a lot of things happen from 16 to, gosh, I can't even count the years. But in 2000, I'm gonna jump ahead a little bit. In 2005, I started to have a lot of strange symptoms. We had a very big traumatic event happen in 2005. And at the time, nobody connected trauma or what you were going through to any physical symptoms, but that's when the chronic EBV started, and I didn't know. So I was tired all the time.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:07:50]:
My body hurt. I felt like I had the flu all the time. I had heart palpitations, so I had, like, thousands a day to where it felt like my heart was just constantly flipping all over the place. I had the optic nerve in my eye, so my eye was being attacked by the virus, and I wound up with a blind spot in that eye. It attacked the nerve in my ear, and I wound up with severe vertigo, where I was, like, falling all over the place. And in this time period, by 2005, I had two kids, and I was pregnant. In 2005, also with my third, I went to doctor after doctor, who was just telling me, there's nothing wrong with you. You have anxiety.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:08:36]:
Once they find out that you've been diagnosed with anxiety at some point in your life, that is your diagnosis for everything. I had mris, I had CAT scans and whatever. And even when they discovered something, the optic nerve damage, they were just like, we don't know why. There was no answers. Even my heart. When I would go in to the doctor, it wasn't acting up. And so they would tell me, there's nothing wrong with you. It's just anxiety.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:09:09]:
It took me at least five years for one really kind doctor to actually listen and do a 24 hours heart monitor. Maybe it was 48. And he came back, and he was like, oh, yeah, you're having pvcs, preventricular contractions. And he said, you're just having a lot more than the average person, but they're not dangerous. And I I was like, okay. At that point, he told me, it's not dangerous. And I had someone telling me that there actually was something going on, that for the first time, I felt like I wasn't crazy. And the hard part about it is the people around you start to get frustrated.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:09:52]:
They're like, well, the doctors say there's nothing wrong with you, so it's all in your head. I'm sure you can get up and go with us today. There's nothing wrong with you. The doctors say you're fine, blah, blah, blah, and your self esteem takes a huge hit. Like, I'm sick, and I know I'm sick. I know something's wrong. Am I going to die? Like, what's. Is it cancer? All these things? And when the people around you aren't really supporting you and think that you're maybe not crazy, but just over the top, kind of being dramatic, making things up for whatever reason, that's really defeating.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:10:27]:
And it's like, you're the only person advocating for yourself. And I had three kids to take care of. Eventually, I would have five kids to take care of when I was doing all this, but it was exhausting. And I lived in this perpetual state of pretend it's not there, pretend it's not there, just push through. But at the same time, in the back of my mind, I'm so anxious all the time, is my heart gonna stop? Am I going to pass out? Am I just not going to wake up in the morning. It was a really, really hard time. For years, this same doctor who told me that I actually did have some benign heart issues also was the one who diagnosed me with the chronic ebb. And he was like, oh, you have active mono.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:11:13]:
And I said, but I've already had mono because at the time, I thought once you had it, you had it. And he's like, well, the virus can live in your system, and on varying times of stress, it can flare up again, causing actual mono. And I was like, oh, my gosh. I started realizing that my flares were during times of stress, and my stress was often and a lot, and especially with all the pregnancies and births and breastfeeding. Like, my body didn't have a time to recover. But I was so young, and I was also stuck in this state of wanting to believe that what the doctor said was true. It's just anxiety. It almost became a comfort word.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:11:52]:
Even though I was frustrated by not having a real diagnosis. It was like, well, it's just anxiety, so I'm going to be okay. So I would waffle between the two and make decisions in my life based on the fact that, I, quote, wasn't sick. And I just needed to try harder. I just needed to try to be more like other people because they didn't have these problems. And, you know, my mindset was really, really bad due to a lot of childhood stuff. I had this belief that I was different in a bad way, I wasn't normal, and I created my own problems. And, you know, any problem that I have with illness, or especially mental illness, was my own doing.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:12:33]:
And it just. I really deferred to other people for what I should do, who I should be, things like that. And I think that really helped keep me stuck in this place of illness. Like, I felt like the sick person, person with the problems. And in a strange way, I feel like it was kind of comforting even to always have a problem, because that's who I was. I've been told that that's who I was by every doctor, by most of my caregivers, just like you're the problem.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:13:07]:
Hey, sacred illness listeners. Doctor Erin here. I'm quickly interrupting today's episode to put out the invitation to you or anyone you know has a chronic illness or chronic symptoms that would like to come onto the podcast and share your story. Our goal is to invite folks onto the show who have worked with Mindbody's medicine modalities and noticed an improvement or even a complete resolution of symptoms. Using this potent medicine. If this describes you, check the link in the show notes below. That will take you to a quick application to fill out. That will give us some information about who you are, what your story is, and we'll take it from there.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:13:40]:
And again, if you know anyone who might also fit this description or like to come onto our show, please feel free to share the link with them as well. All right, let's get back to the episode.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:13:52]:
With the ebv. After a couple of years after being diagnosed with it, it was then that I realized on my own, oh, my gosh. Like, after doing research. So I will say that having chronic health problems all the time, like, I was sensitive to everything, every smell, every light, every, you know, whatever. So it felt like there was always something wrong. And so when you're not getting the care that you need from doctors or whatever, you tend to go out on your own and start researching and learning. And so I got really into trying to figure out what was wrong with me and how I could fix it. And so at this time, I realized from my own research that my eye problems and my ear problems and my vertigo were because the virus had attacked those nerves in my body.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:14:42]:
And that was really eye opening and comforting for me. I was like, all this time, it was this simple blood test. Like, you know, I could have all those years, all that money that, you know, my family had to help shell out and, you know, whatever. All those years wasted lying in bed. It was very frustrating, but also relieving at the same time. And that's when I realized I can be my own health advocate. I can, you know, doctors didn't help with most of anything for so long that, you know, I can do this. I can research stuff, I can learn stuff.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:15:19]:
And I got really into organic eating and natural medicine and all that kind of stuff. And that kind of became my thing. I became the health girl. And so I would be on this diet, and I would try these supplements, and I was grinding flour at home, and I was like, you know, trying to do everything that was gonna make me feel good again, like I was going to cure myself. And I saw acupuncturists and chiropractors, and I eventually wound up seeing a naturopath. And she was partially my saving grace. She listened to me. She had these ideas of what could actually help me instead of saying, oh, well, you have mono, like, tone down your stress, like, okay.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:16:08]:
And she gave me this supplement to help with viral activity, and it helped. It helped a lot. And I wasn't completely in remission but, like, the blind spot went away. I didn't have constant vertigo anymore. I would have days where I didn't have joint pain or, you know, whatever. Like, it was just. It was starting to shift the needle. And I'm forever grateful for her, but I was still doing my own research and my own learning and realizing, you know, there's got to be a way, whether it's the anxiety or the EBV or the IB's, which I haven't talked about yet.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:16:46]:
I guess I can talk about that a little now. I had always, like, tummy problems as a little kidde, and it was always, even then, before I'd ever seen a psychologist or whatever, it was always, it's your nerves. It's just your nerves. And part of that was true. I was anxious all the time. That is true. However, now, knowing myself as a highly sensitive person, I'm just sensitive to a lot of types of foods and drinks and environments and whatnot. So it was kind of like a double edged sword.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:17:18]:
I was always anxious, but I was actually bothered by something. But once I hit sometime in my thirties, I started having, you know, sort of, like, alternating problems with constipation versus diarrhea, but nothing, like, severe. Like, it was the start of something. And in 2014, I want to say we moved out of state, and when we moved, like, that was a big undertaking with five kids and everything else. And, you know, of course my body was not in a state of wholeness and healthfulness at the time. I was still dealing with some stuff, and my mental health was not the best. And we got to the house, and it was not. It was dirty.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:18:06]:
Like, it looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a million years. And I just broke down. I just burst into tears. Like, looking back, I'm totally embarrassed by it because my mother in law was there, but, like, I just couldn't take any more. We'd had years and years and years of chronic, serious stress, like, all the time. Raising five kids is hard. Raising five kids, homeschooling on one income while my husband is a teacher and in school and all these things, I was doing most everything on my own with chronic illness and no support, like, outside of my immediate household, which was minimal because he was so busy. And so my body was just, like, I can't handle much.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:18:54]:
And so I had that massive breakdown, and from that, I got suddenly a urinary tract infection, which turned into a kidney infection, and then I started having a horrible IB's. But at the time, I didn't know, that that's what it was. I thought I had a parasite or something. You know, it was, like, just wasn't going away. And during this time, also, I believe. I'm not 100% certain because I've never had that diagnosis, but I think I had thoughts I couldn't stand without my heart racing. Like, I would fall to the floor. I couldn't stand in the shower.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:19:29]:
And I remember being on the floor, and the person who was with me saying that I was making it up, and I experienced a lot of. You're making it up from so many years of my life, and it's so defeating. You're sick. Something is terribly wrong with you, and that's what you're hearing. Like, my. Again, my mental health was not okay. Anyway, eventually, I treated the kidney infection. Actually, my naturopath helped me treat that.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:20:00]:
I wound up not having to get antibiotics, thankfully, because my gut was already a wreck. But I couldn't kick whatever this stomach stuff was. And it started to, like, sort of move. Like, started having pain on the right side. And so I got tested, you know, for, like, pancreatitis and appendicitis and, you know, had all the blood work. Maybe it's. I'm allergic to wheat. You know, maybe I have a gluten allergy.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:20:25]:
I just got all the tests. My resting heart rate was 120 beats per minute. And the doctor was like, you're probably just anxious. I'm like, dude, you don't understand. I'm not like, I know I have anxiety, but I don't. I'm not in a constant state of being anxious. It was really bad. Once again, I was just sort of dismissed all over the place.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:20:47]:
I had watched something on, I don't know, ted ed or something about how the mind can heal the body. And one day, after just constantly. I mean, after this many years of some sort of problem, seemingly all the time, and your kids are frustrated, your spouse is frustrated, like, you're tired of not being okay and normal. It's just like, one more problem. I said, I can't do this anymore. And I was like, I'm gonna try this. So I remember I tried doing some exercise where I envisioned something happening and changing within my body, and I viewed it as healthy. And within two days, I was different.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:21:32]:
My heart calmed down. My gut issues were majorly resolved. Like, I still had what I would call episodes, you know, like, from time to time, but it's like something flipped, and it was like, my mind was like, you know what? You don't have to be sick. It was like what I was saying earlier. In those moments when I'm under a lot of stress, my body says, you need to be sick so someone can take care of you. You need to be taken care of. And this is the only way you're going to get taken care of is if you're sick. And that's when I realized that, that point.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:22:06]:
And I was like, no, I can take care of myself. Like, I'm okay. I don't need this illness. And whatever. Like, almost every problem that I've experienced that had me so, so sick was gone. And, you know, a part of me was like, well, were the doctors always right that it was always all in my head? Partially, yes, because it was, quote, in my head, but not for the reason they say it was in my head. You know, it. It was actually a physiological reaction to my environment to.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:22:38]:
To what was being put into me and how I was dealing with it. And that was a turning point for me. From that point on, I still was really into the health stuff. I actually did attend school for complimentary and alternative medicine, and then now I'm in school for herbalism. So I have a passion for natural health because it did help with a lot of things. Like, if you're going to be a person who's constantly in a state of stress and trauma, like eating healthy food and taking certain supplements can definitely help to shift the needle, but it's not the entire answer. So I, at this point, my episodes of EBV were still happening. Up to that point, I would say that when I started doing the mind body work, that along with the supplement that my doctor gave me, that is when the ebv just went away.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:23:32]:
Like, I literally haven't had an episode since 2014, I want to say. So about ten years, I have not had a recurrence. And I didn't do anything different than what I just explained. And it took, you know, I didn't just stop after two days, stop having, you know, working with my mind and body. I continued that for a while, for everything, just sort of convincing my brain that I was healthy and I didn't need these symptoms and these illnesses and things. And, yeah, so I really feel like that is what did it, because for so many years, nothing else it. And so I was pretty much living okay. However, around 2017 ish, things got pretty stressful.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:24:18]:
My husband was working as a teacher, and then he was also working overtime. Teachers do that. They have to volunteer for certain things or teach other things. And then he was also trying to switch careers so he was like doing stuff on the side and so he really was not around and being chronically ill all those years and having so many kids and stuff like that. And really we were like a lone group. Like, we moved out of state and I never really had people come in and help take care of things anyway. So I was doing a lot. And in 2017, 2018 ish, I had some really stressful times with some of my kids and I was so burnt out, so burnt out.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:25:02]:
Like, I don't even know how to describe the level of burnout that I was, was experiencing. And there was no relief. And I was actually not having a lot of good thoughts at that time. And there were times where I was concerned and I think other people were concerned that I was going to do something not great because I was just not doing well. And so in 2021 around there, something happened with my older two kids that was really probably emotionally one of the worst things I've ever had to deal with. And I got so sick, like the IB's that I'd had for years that after that big time in the past would just be some episodes of constipation or Gerd or, you know, diarrhea or something like that. Like, it would just be off and on. But it wasn't like life altering per se.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:25:54]:
It was just frustrating. Turn to something entirely different, something even worse than years past. It was like I felt like I was going to throw up all the time and I'm a metaphobic. So that was mentally the most challenging thing ever. And I won't go into all the symptoms, but it was really, really bad. And I was like, what is wrong with me? Again, testing what's going on? What have I contracted this kind of stuff? And at that time, I believe that that's kind of when I had like an adrenal crash due to just the amount of emotional trauma that was going on within me. And I was not the same person. It is the first time in my life that I really felt like, I do not know who I am.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:26:45]:
I do not even know how to live life anymore. It was really bad. And sorry, I don't want to cry, but, like, it was really bad. Yeah. So then that continued for years until. And then in 20, let's see, a couple of years ago, I hit the start of perimenopause, which threw me for a loop. I'd always been very normal and whatever, but my hormones were all over the place and I was having cycle changes. And just, if you want to talk about not feeling yourself add that into the mix, and I was just.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:27:25]:
I hit a wall, and I started to change mentally. I just. I no longer care. Kind of coincided with 2022 that I no longer really cared about seeing other people. I was saying no, like, I don't really care about seeing family. I don't really. And that's going to be hard for people watching this to hear. But it was like, I could not bring myself to do anything outside of my comfort zone.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:27:52]:
Like, I felt like it would kill me. I just could not do it. Not to mention the fact that I had these terrible gut issues that, like, I wasn't sure what I could eat, if I could eat anything at a restaurant or what I was going to do for the travel to see them. Like, it. It started controlling my life physically. Like, I was scared to go places. I just started staying home all the time. I started being more scared of germs because I was afraid on top of my regular phobia and Covid.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:28:22]:
Like, I was afraid that anything that I got would kill me, basically, because I felt so. Just horrible all the time. So it really affected my relationships with people and just mentally not being able to have the same level of care and giving and things like that. Like, I was the kind of person who. I had just given birth and someone who came to visit me and my family. I was very sleepy. I started to get very sleepy while they were there, and I started falling asleep, and this person said to me, wow, if I had known you were going to sleep, then I wouldn't have even bothered coming. And the kind of person that I was took that stuff and made it about me.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:29:06]:
Like, oh, I should have tried harder to stay awake, or, oh, other people wouldn't have fallen asleep while this person was here. That's the kind of person that I was. I poured myself in to other people, even if it didn't look like it to some, because my kids were my priority, and that is so much work to pour into all the time. But I was afraid to tell people no. I was afraid to. You know, I just. I gave of myself so, so much, did so many things I didn't want to do and didn't have the energy for because it was what you were supposed to do. And I thought being a good mom was martyring yourself.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:29:39]:
You know, if you're not flustered in stress and throwing yourself under the bus for your kids, you're not a good mom. That. That burned me out a lot. And so at this point, you know, I'm 41 ish at that time, I'm like, I can't do that anymore. I can't. I just, I started backing off and distancing myself and saying no to things like I said. And I think that did have an effect on my relationships, but it was necessary. So last year at 42, I just turned 43 in May.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:30:14]:
Right before that, I said, you know what? All this stuff with the perimenopause, like, plus this gut stuff that I have going on because I tried so many things, so many things to help with the gut stuff, you know, different diets and supplements and exercises and whatever. And, like, I would have a little bit of remission and then like a week later it's back and I was just like, in tears, like, why won't this go away? What is wrong? Am I going to have to live with this forever? Like, I want to go on a vacation with my family. I want to feel comfortable going, you know, out of state to see my family, knowing that I can eat at a restaurant or travel in a car with them and not feel like I'm going to throw up and panic and be embarrassed that I need to get out of the car. Not sustainable, like, to keep living this way. But I didn't know where else to turn. And at this point I said, okay, maybe there's something else. Like, I remember this stuff with the mind body stuff before. I have a lot of trauma.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:31:16]:
I have a lot of emotional baggage. Like, you see all this stuff on the Internet now about trauma and emotions and all this. I'm gonna really look into this more. And I learned about polyvagal theory, so I read a book on that. And then I learned that my body was basically stuck in a state of freeze. It's like the reason that I could not get out of dorsal vagal shutdown. That's what I'm thinking of. I cannot get out of this state of, okay, I haven't had real trauma or super stress in a couple years now.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:31:52]:
Like, nothing has happened. I've had a very, I've been very lucky now to be in an environment where I have as much time as I need to do whatever I want. I can rest, I can take care of myself, but it didn't matter. It's like I could not get out of this state of that I was always in danger or that everything was a fluster. And I realized, oh, my gosh, I am stuck in this state and my body cannot heal stuck in this state. And so I tried a couple of, like, you know, somatic movements and other things that I found online, I started doing like some breathing techniques, but honestly, that helped a little bit with the mind shift that, like, oh my gosh, my body's just stuck. And if I can get out of this, I might be okay. But joining your program actually is what has made the biggest difference.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:32:52]:
So I am in week two or three. Three. Week three, yeah, I think. And something just happened when I started this program. So I saw the ad on Instagram, and I've seen a million things, like a million ads pop up telling me what I need to do and this program and that. But yours is the first one that my intuition, which is something I'm working on, honing in again because I pushed it aside for so long. Like just said, this is it. Like, just do it.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:33:25]:
Just bite the bullet and do it. And my husband handles the finances because I'm a homeschooling mom, but I didn't even ask him. I was just like, I can do this. I need to do this. And I was afraid that he would say no. And I just knew it's what I needed, so I did it. And within the first week, just the simple act of writing down the things that you talked about and the journal entries and things like that, like, started to open something inside of me. And I've done journal entries before.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:33:56]:
I've done, I mean, therapy. Had a therapist for years. Like, I, nothing else has really spoken to me in the same way. And after I wrote down some things in my journal from one of the modules, I was sitting on the couch and I was thinking and I just started talking out loud to myself about these traumas and why this happened to me, why these experiences as a child caused me to feel this way. And I started just sort of running through it all out loud. And I'm not even joking when I say, let me put it this way. My ib's that I've been dealing with, I realized it's like a shutdown of my digestive system. I'll go days without.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:34:39]:
Like, I just don't digest. I don't rest and digest. I don't go to the bathroom like, nothing is happening in there, but I still have to eat. And so I'll get to a point where, because I've eaten but nothing's been happening. When things start to kick in, it goes in overdrive. And then I'm like, sick. So at this point, nothing had been moving for days. And I was saying all these things out loud.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:35:03]:
And so I'm not kidding when I say that. My body just started, like, moving, like, it was rumbling all over the place. I felt hungry for the first time in months. Like, I had. I was hungry. Like, it's like saying those things out loud, making those connections. My body just like, let it go. And I know that that's sort of like a sudden experience, and not everybody may experience that, but, I mean, this is 18 or so years of problem after problem after problem.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:35:40]:
So it's not that sudden. It's just the final thing that really was what I needed. And since that day, I have continued to enjoy nothing but a very mild episode. Like, mild. It's nothing in comparison. When it was super, super bad before. And, like, I'm hungry. I'm not staying up at night in pain.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:36:07]:
I'm like, you know, I'm able to go places with my family and not be scared the whole time that I'm going to need to go home or, you know, something like that. And there's still a little bit of anxiety in the background being like, is this too good to be true? Is it going to come back? But I think also with the program, what I'm working on is my mindset. And what really shifted things for me was, like, I'm not broken. Like, I'm not broken. I'm not also harboring some horrible illness that I'm never going to figure out and I'm going to live this way forever. Like, I think there was some comfort in me staying in that state because, like I said, you can get care when you're sick, which actually isn't true. Like, people, you know, after so long, people are just like, okay, you know, I mean, there's only so much care you can give, and you just wind up living in a chronic state of illness. Something woke up within me, and so I'm continuing these mind shifts throughout the day.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:37:07]:
Like, talking to myself when someone hurts my feelings instead of taking it all in and being like, gosh, see, there's something wrong with me. I'm not like everybody else, you know, these things and crying and spending the rest of the day sad or whatever. Like, I'm saying, okay, what just happened wasn't actually my fault. Like, I didn't say anything that deserved that. And that person just having trouble controlling their emotions today, it never dawned on. It never dawned on me, like, really deeply. Maybe other people are the problem sometimes. Sometimes, you know, like, maybe it's not just me not being able to handle something or me being the problem.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:37:49]:
Maybe they're moody. Maybe they're the whatever. And so having that mind change. Mindset change just is huge. It sounds so simple, but when you're like an anxious, sensitive person, that doesn't come naturally at all.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:38:08]:
Hi everyone, Doctor Erin here. So by now you're starting to get an idea of some of what the sacred illness paradigm is all about. The sacred paradigm is all about this question of what is your illness inviting you to become. What is it that lies within each of us that allows some of us to acquire so called spontaneous healing or remissions? And what is the key to unlocking that innate self healing capacity in each and every one of us? The sacred illness blueprint is something that I developed as a guide to help you walk through this process step by step to learn how to move deeper and deeper within yourself, to find these layers of dysregulation, of trauma, of limiting beliefs of things that you're holding within your system that are keeping you small, stuck and sick. Ultimately, if we ignore the mind body connection and are not exploring the ways in which our nervous system continues to be dysregulated or in a chronic state of activation and stress, any healing modality that we put into our body from the outside in is going to be less effective, if not effective at all. So if you are currently feeling stuck, lost, confused or disillusioned in your healing journey, feeling like you have tried so many things, you have tried so many modalities, you have worked with so many providers, and you're just not seeing the results you want, know that this is normal. And of course you're not, because this foundational mind body connection is often, if not always, missed in all these modalities. And just like we can't build a house on top of sand, our healing cannot grow and blossom and be strong and successful if the foundation is not laid first.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:39:44]:
So rather than doing something different, but similar to everything you have tried before and expecting different results, I encourage you to consider doing something different altogether. This is where I invite you to explore the Sacred Illness group coaching program. This is a low cost monthly membership option that I have created. It's constantly open, constantly enrolling where you can begin to explore this completely different way of engaging in your health, in your body, in your illness and in your healing process. What is provided inside this group coaching program is the blueprint that lays the foundation and lays the path out for you to follow, to begin to explore these deeper aspects of health, to truly get at the root of what is causing your illness and from there, allowing all other modalities to blossom so that you can actually start to see the changes and the healing take place in your body that you have been expecting and wanting all along. If you're ready and want to learn more, head on over to aurorasomatic.com. and at the top of the screen, click on group coaching where you can read all about it and become a member today. I can't wait to see you on the inside.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:40:46]:
And for now, let's get back to the podcast.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:40:51]:
Some of that started to change when I hit perimenopause and I started being just. I got kind of grumpy and less tolerant with people. But it went too far on that end. I didn't want to be that far on that end. And so I knew something needed to change. I couldn't be one or the other. And so this is that wonderful middle ground where I'm like, you know, okay, people have their issues too. I don't have to.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:41:17]:
Not everything is actually about me. And I'm okay and I'm good. And like, I can still, I can do both. I can have boundaries and I can, yeah, I can advocate for myself without being too harsh or distant or whatever until I feel like I'm finally coming to a place where I can be me. Like realizing I don't have to be sick. And also, for the first time in my life, actually just being myself. Like, I decided to be on a podcast, I decided to apply for a part time job. I decided to like, just this past week, I've done all these things that I would have never done before because I don't feel broken anymore.
Kimberly Sleeth [00:42:01]:
I feel more confident. I feel I'm worth something. And I'm not always just going to be the sick girl who can't handle anything or do anything. So it's really great. Yeah, I guess. I guess that's about where I'm at.
Dr. Erin Hayford [00:42:21]:
Thanks so much for tuning in to another episode of the Sacred Illness podcast. If you find this information shared here, inspirational and educational, please share it with those you think would benefit from this work. To take this work deeper yourself, check out our website, www.aurorasomatic.com, where you can explore our coaching community and course options. And don't forget to subscribe to this channel where new content is coming out all the time intended to inspire, awaken, and help you deepen your relationship with yourself, your life, and your world. We'll see you next time.
