Dr. Erin Hayford: [00:00:00] So the big question is this. We know spontaneous remissions and so called miracle cures exist. We also know they aren't so spontaneous after all. I'm living proof of this, having cured my quote unquote incurable illness. There's something to how this happens. So how do we, as humans with chronic symptoms, tap in to this so called miraculous healing capacity?
That is the question, and this podcast will give you the answer. My name is Dr. Erin Hayford and welcome to the Sacred Illness Podcast. Before we begin today's episode, just my standard medical disclaimer, this podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only. The content should not be considered a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional regarding any medical concerns. Hey everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the Sacred Illness Podcast. Dr. Erin [00:01:00] here. I took a little break over the holidays, and now I'm back. And I have some really fun guests lined up for the next several episodes, so I'm really excited to get people back on here and start doing interviews again.
I hope you're all doing well and for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, I hope you are healthy. I know, well, I hope everyone is healthy, but we're in the winter season up here and it has been really brutal, at least where I live, with the illnesses that have been circulating around.
I have been, someone in my family has been sick since January 1st, literally, I got sick on January 1st and we've basically been passing stuff around since then. I think we're coming out of it. At least this most current round that, passed through our house. So really hoping that health is moving in the right direction.
I hope you're all staying healthy and well. And I am excited to get into this episode today. This is inspired by a few things. I've been doing a lot of my own healing work, but lots of, I feel like I go through ebbs and flows where, I will go through a lot of, healing and by healing, what I mean for myself [00:02:00] is just constantly doing, peeling back layers of the onion, getting curious about certain blocks that I have that prevent me from moving forward in ways that I want in my life.
I think of life in general as this, constant peeling back of layers of an onion, right? And we're constantly trying to find, or you know, some of us, those of us who I think of are as seekers or people on a journey of just trying to squeeze the most juice out of life, so to speak. And that can be from a physical healing perspective or just a general life perspective.
We are constantly seeking what's next, what's the next level, what more does life have to offer? I feel like that's certainly who I am. And so, with my physical health being better, I am now in this different phase of life, especially having kids, where I'm just peeling back these layers of how good can it get?
Like, what more can I, can I do with my life? How can I expand into the next level? For me, this is more focused on my work than on my physical health, but it's all still relevant because all of the work of [00:03:00] expanding who we are and stepping into more, truer, healthier, happier versions of self all come back to the nervous system.
It all comes back to the same process of self work and nervous system regulation and creating safety in the system, etc. So this most recent layer that I've been working on, like I said, has to do with work specifically around success. For me, what success looks like is, you know, I had to do a lot of, deconditioning around what success means, because I think for us, we think of success as wealth and having the mansion and having, the fancy sports car or whatever that looks like.
I was just kind of laughing at the thought of me driving a fancy sports car. Not that I wouldn't, but I'm more of a classic car kind of person. Like, I would love to have, like an old Chevy or something like that. So, anyway, my quest has been to first, again, decondition. That sort of programming and then to kind of sit in like, okay, so then what does it look like for me?
A lot of the work I [00:04:00] do with the people I work with inside of the sacred illness membership and inside of the authentic medicine immersion and inside of one on one sessions is this very thing that I'm talking about is this constant expansion of self and finding these layers of who we are and how to have a richer, more authentic, more aligned, happier, healthier life.
We start by identifying what our core values are. I did this a while ago where I identified my four core values, and I recently redid it. I was surprised to see that they shifted somewhat because of the phase of life and phase of healing and phase of expansion that I'm in.
A big part of it for me, what I'm recognizing is that being seen is a really huge part of who I am. Being seen for the value that I bring, being seen for My sense of humor being seen in my authenticity, just being seen in a way where I actually feel seen, right? I actually feel like people are seeing who I am and appreciating who I am.
And [00:05:00] this has been somewhat clouded, I guess you could say, by the fact that I was raised to be a people, please. So, my core, memories or core experiences growing up were all sort of focused around being somebody to appease and take care of and make those around me happy, and that's how I was kind of informed that, you know, that's how you derive your worth.
The happier people are around you, the more peaceful your house is, that means you're doing a good job and therefore you are worthy. I was really good at being a people pleaser. I, you know, I obviously have like a natural caregiving bone in my body or whatever you want to call it. And so being a people pleaser, again, came naturally to me, but it unfortunately, you know, became sort of like my entire identity.
Cause the thing about when you're being a people pleaser, is you are consistently, constantly, chronically, forever focused on people outside of yourself, right? That's the kind of the point is your happiness [00:06:00] is derived from their happiness. And so you're constantly like, are they happy? What do they need?
What do I need to do? And most importantly, or maybe to the biggest detriment of a people pleaser is who do I need to be to make them happy? And so much of my life was focused around becoming somebody I wasn't, based on whoever I was around.
So if it was friends, you know, I would take on their likes and their characteristics and their interests, or sometimes even their style or their fashion. If it was a romantic relationship, obviously, you know, there would be a lot of like, who do you need me to be? What do you want? What do you value?
How can I show up and make you happy? In school, right? I did really well in school, but I feel like a lot of that was because of being a people pleaser. Like, it was like, I need to make them happy. I need to get good grades. I need to do my project really well. None of it was around listening to like, what do I actually want?
What do I actually need? Does this match my energy? Does this match my interest? It was about them, constantly. And so, you know, when this is kind of the water you're bathing in, I guess, for, [00:07:00] I don't know if that's a saying. It is now. If that's kind of what you're in, right, you're soaking in from day zero, then you don't really get the luxury of ever knowing who you are.
And I've been talking about this a lot on Instagram and in the membership, and in, a lot of the conversations I've been having with folks is this idea of like, What does it mean to be authentic? What does it actually mean to be yourself? And for those of us who were raised to be people pleasers, and raised in these environments in which it doesn't even have to be.
that you were raised to be a people pleaser. It can just be that you were raised in an environment in which it was not safe to be yourself. So much of trauma is about taking you away from parts of yourself, right? So, like, if your anger was not safe to express, you suppressed that part of yourself. If your sense of humor was, like, criticized or ridiculed, that part of you gets suppressed.
If it wasn't just safe to, like, I don't know, some people live in such touch and go, walking on egg shell type environments. It's like your very [00:08:00] existence can feel unsafe sometimes because you never know what's gonna set the person off, the caregiver, whoever it is. And so, even if it's not specifically in that vein of people pleasing, where you're becoming someone different for the sake of pleasing someone, you're still in an unsafe, traumatic environment.
You are still altering yourself in some way, shape, or form to stay safe, right? Because it all boils down, always boils down to being safe, to creating safety, to making sure your needs are being met, your survival needs are being met. And so, yeah, we've been having conversations about what does it mean to be authentic, how does it feel to be seen.
I do believe that all of us want to be seen, or maybe I should say need to be seen. Like, being seen is what's kind of the point of relationships or even of life if we're not being seen, if we're not being celebrated, if who we are at our core is not being acknowledged, you know, cause that's kind of like how we feel like we exist.[00:09:00]
If we're being seen, it's like, okay, we exist. We're taking up space. Like our presence matters. Our thoughts matter. Our contribution is making a difference. And if we're chronically in situations where we don't feel seen, we don't feel acknowledged, we don't feel like people understand us or like us or, you know, want to make room for us, whatever that is, then that can be really detrimental on our mental health and our sense of self.
It can really erode that sense of self, self confidence. So I have been acknowledging in myself essentially that I have a hard time with both of those things, with being authentic Like, knowing what that even means, and also being seen in this more intimate, accurate, authentic way. Because I've always felt seen in a sense, like, when I'm being performative, right?
Like when I'm becoming the person that, that I think they want me to be, they see me doing that, right? Like I get some, some form of recognition and acknowledgement in that [00:10:00] behavior, but it's not really me that they're seeing. They're seeing this version of me that I've become. It's like they're seeing me acting on a stage, but that's not really me.
And so, you know, there's a lot of chronic dissatisfaction, resentment, anger, sadness, depression, right? Those kinds of feelings when it's like, I have this relationship and they seem to really love me and appreciate me, but it just starts to feel really empty because it's not actually you contributing that, you know, that role or being that person in that relationship.
And so it, for me, it was chronic resentment, chronically feeling like I'm not actually having these fulfilling relationships. And so working to figure out who I am coming back to this idea of core values, this is something I learned from another course that I was taking about the importance of kind of rooting into your core values as a roadmap back to your authentic self.
So in the membership that I, the sacred deal in this membership, we have a whole thing around figuring out what your core values are. Again, I lead people through this inside the [00:11:00] immersion and in one on one sessions. But it's really rooting into like, what do you value? Who really are you at your core from this perspective of values?
And I think it can make it really. a lot easier to identify, like, quote unquote, who you are when you're looking at it through that lens. Because I think who are you is a really huge philosophical question that is not just like, well, I am this and I am that, you know, like, it's hard to articulate what that is.
But when you think about who am I through the lens of what do I value, then suddenly it starts to become a lot more clear. And so being seen is one of my core values. And as I was saying, I think it is a value for most of us to be seen, to be acknowledged. But for me, there's a deeper, I don't know if it's deeper, honestly, like we might all have this same level of need, but for me, it feels like a really, really deep, really big need, maybe beyond the norm, to be seen on this level.
And I know a lot of that is like, I've been looking a lot at human [00:12:00] design, and I'm a projector and, you know, projectors have innately sort of a need to be seen. So that's part of where I'm like, maybe it's more intense for me. I don't know. But I really want This acknowledgement of who I am and I've been barking up all the wrong trees by being inauthentic.
And so what I'm really learning in the work that I'm doing personally on myself right now is that it's coming back to like, yes, you need to be seen, but you need to be seen in your authenticity. You have to show up authentically. You have to show up as yourself and only then will it feel satisfactory.
And not only that, but only then will you be successful. So, circling back to the stuff with my work that I've been doing, I've been trying to, move the needle in my business. Again, I was redefining what success means, and for me it really does mean a lot. be mean being seen, like being seen for my work, being acknowledged for the work that I'm doing and, and people wanting to do it, right?
So like when people really see me and really see what I'm [00:13:00] doing, if it's the right thing for them, there should be a natural magnetism there, right? They should be drawn to this work and they should want to work with me. And I think that that's a really interesting thing to sit with is if we are showing up, no matter how we're showing up, We're magnetizing things to us.
We're calling in or we're magnetizing in, relationships, jobs, community, right? Just all the things that are in our lives. We are, we're kind of magnetizing those things to us. If I'm putting out a certain energy that is like, I love skiing and I love to go to baseball games and I'm this kind of person like I have a big personality and I'm loud and I'm gregarious like I'm going to draw in people who are like yeah I love being outside and going to sports and like partying and being you know like that it's like an energy match right.
Whereas if I'm putting out a different energy that's like really introverted and quiet and whatever, like I'm obviously going to, if I'm really loud, I'm going to repel the quiet people. And if I'm really quiet, I'm probably going to repel or be [00:14:00] overlooked by the loud people. And so again, no matter how we're showing up in the world, we are putting out energy, like, I don't know how else to say it, like energy, right?
And that is drawing in things that match that energy. And so If we're putting out inauthentic vibes, if we're showing up in a way that's like, I'll do anything you want and I'll inconvenience myself that people pleaser vibe, or if we're putting out the vibe of like, I never get angry or I have no sense of humor, I'm like super quiet or maybe the opposite of like, I'm really loud However, we've been conditioned to show up based on our past experiences.
Those are the things that are putting, you know, putting those feelers out into the world and calling in the things that match it. So that's how we find ourselves kind of repeatedly in relationships that are like, why do I keep attracting the person who like wants this kind of thing? That's not who I am.
But then if we really sit and examine ourselves, we might recognize like, Oh, I guess like if we're thinking about intimacy, for example, it's like, I [00:15:00] really deeply want intimacy. I really want close, intimate relationships, but I keep attracting these like emotionally unavailable people.
We might need to take some time to examine, like, do we really want that intimacy? Maybe we really want it, but do we actually feel like we can receive it? Like, those are two different things. If we're, if we have been conditioned to be afraid of intimacy, or to, yeah, like put up maybe a more cold, self, self sufficient exterior, or whatever that is, That is going to attract the people who are, again, not wanting that level of intimacy because we're basically saying to the world, like, I'm good, I don't need anything, I'm fine, I can take care of myself, but deep down we crave this intimacy.
It doesn't matter what deep down we want, if on the surface, if what we're projecting into the world is a different story. So this idea of authenticity or in general, what you're putting out into the world is, you know, if you're chronically feeling dissatisfied and feeling like the things coming into your life are not the right [00:16:00] thing, then what we really need to do, is to get into that subconscious nervous system programming and figuring out what is the story that I hold that is causing me to show up in a way that is a mismatch for what I really, really want in life.
So for me, with my work, there has been a mismatch in the level of success that I'm reaching, which yes, there is a financial number attached to that because that's just life, right? Like we live in a world in which certain amount of money has to be acquired to make certain things work in your life, like rent and vacation or whatever you aspire to.
And so there's a financial number, but for me, there's more this like feeling, like when I think of success, it feels like being seen. It feels like people like understanding the message and feeling excited about it. It feels like ease, right? There's a certain ease and flow to the work that I'm doing. There's like feeling really clear, feeling really sharp, like all these things that I really want in my work.
I've been [00:17:00] feeling kind of stuck. I've been feeling a lack of clarity. I know for sure that the work that I'm doing around Sacred Illness, this idea that illness is an invitation to find our authentic selves, to root back into our core values and who we really are, who we came onto this planet being before we got programmed and conditioned, I know that's it.
Like, I know that's my work. There's no question about that. And I love the membership that I have, and I love the immersion that I have. My problem is that I don't feel seen for those things, right? Because getting people to like understand what they are and getting people to sign up for them is not feeling easy.
There's no flow to it. I hate marketing for this reason because I feel like I'm constantly just like, please see me, please buy my stuff, please come into my world because look at how awesome this is. And there's something about that that is feeling sticky. And so this is what has brought me into this space of like, what is preventing me from really bringing in and magnetizing and pulling in the [00:18:00] level of, or like the volume of people that I want in my life.
Sort of what I was saying earlier about that mismatch when you're like, I crave intimacy but I keep attracting, you know, emotionally unavailable people. It's like, I crave this level of like clientele essentially, like having a certain amount of people in my world and yet they're not here. So what is that mismatch?
And what it is is, you know, the surface level of the onion that I'm working to peel back are these layers around fear of success. I've been really sitting with like, what is that? Because it can be so frustrating in a healing journey when consciously.
You know why you want something, you know what it would do for you, you know how your life would be so much better and just so much more beautiful and easy and everything you want, if and when this thing went away or changed. This is the difference between the conscious brain and the subconscious parts of our brain.
Right, so the conscious mind is our neocortex, this kind of big front part of our brain. [00:19:00] It's the most modern addition to our brain, right, like our brain has evolved, if you believe in evolution, we've created or we've grown or, or adapted to have these different parts of the brain as our needs expanded as we have evolved into more complex beings.
Our neocortex is the newest addition. So this is the conscious part of our mind. It's what really distinguishes us from other animals. We think, we learn, we remember, we problem solve, right? Like our, our neocortex does so many things for us, but It's not like knowing something is not the where where change happens like we can't think our way into Change like I can't just think I want to be successful and then okay here you go, right?
Like that's not typically how it works the subconscious which are the more primitive structures of our brain Those are the parts of our brain that get programmed By past experiences, so this is where my programming lives about being a people pleaser [00:20:00] and all the things that I came to believe about myself and therefore how it altered the way in which I show up in the world, that's the part of the brain that actually has to be tapped into and worked with if I want those patterns to shift.
So when I sit with success, again, the mismatch here or the issue with it is there's this feeling of like inauthenticity. It's not safe to get big and people pleasing for me plays a role in this too because it's like you have to make other people happy and there's a feeling I think in there somewhere around if I'm not making people or if I'm becoming successful or growing past a certain point like you might hurt people or you might let them down
it's like you're not fitting the family story. You're becoming someone different. You're, you're kind of like leveling up and leaving everyone in your dust or, you know, there's a lot of kind of pieces in there that I'm working with. But I'm just recognizing in general, again, what I said at the beginning of this podcast, how this subconscious programming really does, not, I don't want to say interfere because that's sort [00:21:00] of a negative connotation, but I guess for lack of a better way, I'll say it like that for now.
It gets in the way of us bringing the things into our lives that we want on all levels, not just from a health perspective. I love working with subconscious programming through a health perspective because to me that's what illness is. It's this invitation that's saying, something is off. Like you, your body is stuck in this physiological state that's creating illness.
What is it? What is the programming? What are the stories? What are the things that you're living out in your everyday world that is telling you that you're not safe? So every time I show up in a people pleasing way, every time I suppress my anger, every time I just hold a part of my authentic self back, I'm sending the signal to my subconscious brain, you're not safe.
Because if you were safe, why would you be? basically pretending or acting like you're somebody that you're not. And that is really what authenticity is about, is about standing, it's almost like, yeah, peeling back all those [00:22:00] layers of the onion, removing all of the programming and all the conditioning and all of the stories and the ways that you block your free flowing, authentic self from coming forward, and standing in that That authenticity, standing in that kind of core self, and exposing, it's vulnerable, you might feel naked, because you're taking away a lot of what is protective mechanisms for showing up in the world in certain ways, but ultimately, at the end of the day, it's the only way for us to pull in the things that we want in life, because otherwise we're going to keep Attracting or matching with the things that are reflective of these masks that we wear that keep us safe.
So if your goal is to be safe, great, you'll be safe, right? Like you will attract the relationships that won't push you too hard, that won't see you too clearly, that won't be too intimate past a point that you're comfortable with. They won't ask more than you are able to show up. If you want to expand, if you want your life to [00:23:00] grow in certain ways and to move past certain set points, then it's going to be uncomfortable and it's going to be sometimes like really painful and a lot of grief and a lot of uncomfortable feelings come up and things have to shift, right?
Like nothing changes if nothing changes. And I'm recognizing that in my own life as I'm sitting with this idea of success and expansion past a certain point, right? Last night I was sitting in meditation around this and I just felt so much terror in my body. It was just like, what are you doing?
Stop. Like, this is not okay. The nervous system hates unknown territory. It hates moving past the set point. And really, the only way to work with this is to work with it. It's an active process. You have to continually rewrite these pathways, kind of go into the ones that are saying you're not safe, figure out where they're coming from, and rewrite them over and over and over.
It takes repetition. to do this. And so I've been working on these patterns for a few weeks now and I'm starting to feel things shift. I'm seeing things shift in my external [00:24:00] environment. It's really amazing to see how quickly things can start to move when you start to align yourself more accurately with what you're calling in.
Because think about it this way, if you are, again, projecting out a certain persona that is not who you really are, Everything around you, currently, right now, as you're listening to this audio, is a reflection of your current self. When you start to shift that person, when you start to put out different waves, it's like the things that don't match suddenly are like, Ooh, I don't, it's like a puzzle.
Like suddenly those pieces don't fit anymore. And the new puzzle pieces have to find their way to you as the old ones fall off. So it's going to start to change things pretty immediately in your environment as you start to align with and feel safe with that new way of being in the world. So, this is where I'm at in my process.
This is what I've been sitting with. This is the, again, core of what I teach inside the Sacred Illness [00:25:00] Membership. It really teaches you identify what those values are, get in alignment with them, understand this as your authentic self, see how that authentic self is being blocked or thwarted or suppressed in your current circumstances, figure out Why is that authentic self not coming through?
Why are your core values not reflected in every aspect of your life? What stories, what programming, what conditioning is telling you that that can't be who you are and you can't have that and that's not safe? Work to reprogram them. Release them and become who you are. have the life that you dream of. It really is that simple.
It's hard work, but it is worth it. It's so worth it. And I'm, you know, again, I'm, I'm sitting in a lot of fear right now as I do this work and also excitement. And I read somewhere that, Fear and excitement are really the same kind of emotion, it just depends on how much you're breathing.
And I love that because it makes me feel like if I just keep breathing, eventually this fear is going to transmute into excitement. Because why would you not be excited about everything you [00:26:00] desire in this life starting to come true and starting to shift in that direction. So I hope this is inspiring for you.
I hope this helps you understand maybe why and where you're getting stuck in your life. It's not a lack of motivation, it's not a lack of willpower, all these things that we always say, right? Your healing work, right? Like, if you're feeling stuck, it's not because you're missing the right lab or not taking the right medication.
Certainly those things can play a role, but if there's this constant, hitting up against a thing and seeing the same things repeating in your life over and over and over, It's because there's subconscious programming that's keeping your world in a certain way based on how you're showing up in the world.
And until you figure out what those are, those things are not going to shift. So if you're curious about how to begin to shift these things, I really highly encourage you to get into the Sacred Illness Membership with us. I just dropped the price. So it used to be 99 a month. I decided to, in the interest of making things more accessible because everything is insanely expensive right now.
And just making [00:27:00] this medicine accessible, right? My mission is to make this work accessible. So it's only 22 a month now to join the premium membership, which includes a lot of really cool live options. And for podcast members only, I'm offering a 20 percent discount on the first month of your membership.
So if you use the code sacred in all caps, S A C R E D, You can get 20 percent off your first month of your membership. The link is down below if you're interested in checking it out and joining us. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the podcast. Again, I have some really awesome guests coming up.
Over the next several episodes. I can't wait to interview them and to share their stories with you And if you are interested in being a guest on the podcast as well, please see the link down below I love interviewing folks who are on healing journeys who are using mind body medicine or subconscious work or any sort of kind of alternative modality to understand More to your illness than it's this symptom and it's this [00:28:00] physiological process for people who are really getting into that deeper Why am I sick?
Why is my illness here? What is its message? What is its purpose? I want to talk to you I want to inspire folks with your story So use the link below to fill out a little application and we'll get you scheduled. All right until next time guys. Bye. Bye Thanks so much for tuning in to another episode of the Sacred Illness Podcast.
If you find this information shared here inspirational and educational, please share it with those you think would benefit from this work. To take this work deeper yourself, check out our website, www. aurorasomatic. com. Where you can explore our coaching, community, and course options. And don't forget to subscribe to this channel where new content is coming out all the time intended to inspire, awaken, and help you deepen your relationship with yourself, your life, and your world.
We'll see you next time.
